


Melt This Frozen Heart

by Boonaddicious



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Inspired by Frozen, M/M, Oblivious!Spock, PTSD, Sexual Abuse, Supernatural - Freeform, Tarsus IV, oblivious!jim
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-01-18 07:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 59,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1419072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boonaddicious/pseuds/Boonaddicious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk receives a unique gift on an away mission - a gift that will bring his fears to the light, and test his relationship to the most important person in his life. </p><p>"Kirk took a deep breath and dropped his impromptu weapon. The energy had left his hands, but adrenaline still pumped through his system. He knew this would require quite a bit of explanation, but the sheer elation of having beaten this psycho with some preternatural ability made him feel like he could walk on water. However, his mood darkened when he turned to look at Spock.</p><p>Spock was gripping his injured arm as he sat on the ground, and was staring at Jim with unmasked fear."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is very loosely based on Frozen. This will be lighter than my other material, but there will be elements of darkness that you will not find in a Disney movie. Tarsus will be a major factor, as well as issues of prejudice and fear. However, one thing will remain very much the same - only love can melt a frozen heart.

Another icy breeze whistled through the cavernous dining hall, making James Kirk - captain and notorious tough-guy - fight to make his shivers inconspicuous. In order to maintain a measure of decorum, Starfleet insisted he wear a coat that was not bulky, and as a result donned a trench coat that did nothing to keep out the frigid temperature. 

He and his diplomatic entourage were on Aran VI - a planet in the midst of an ice-house climate - for two days. The inhabitants, who called themselves Asseens, were ape-like with heavy pale-blue fur and thick hides. Although there appeared to be a glut of building material, their largest and most intricate structures were made of solid ice, thereby making it impossible to bring extra heating elements lest they ruin the structure. Thankfully the furniture was built of a heat-absorbing lumber, but this was only a minor comfort. 

Pursing his lips, Kirk looked to his side to observe his ship's doctor taking small sips of his wine and constantly licking his chapped lips. Due to the medical needs of this new Federation planet, a doctor's presence was required, but Bones certainly let his opinion be known about having to spend three days in the "goddam Yukon tundra" with no heat. Even now, while the man talked to an Asseen with a medical sash across his chest, Bones had an ever present scowl. Kirk could almost hear his inner monologue about getting off this hunk of ice and into the ship's hot tub. 

Kirk then turned his attention to his Vulcan First Officer, one who he had much more concern for. Spock was a stiff man in everyday life, but today he was practically a statue. The native scientists had given up talking to him due to his refusal to say more than three word sentences. The Asseens might have thought it rude, but Kirk knew better. Spock was unable to speak without his teeth chattering and voice wavering - an embarrassment he could not stand to endure in front of a race who had never met a Vulcan. 

Although used to warmer climates, Spock insisted on not wearing a coat. He relied on two layers of thermals under his shirt and pants. Kirk still could not understand why Spock could not simply wear some warmer clothes and lessen the embarrassment of his shivering. However, Kirk knew the exact response he would get. 

"Captain, Vulcans have full control of our body functions. I will no doubt be able to compensate for the lesser temperature. Wearing a heavy coat unnecessary, cumbersome, and will decrease reaction time were something to go awry. " 

"C'mon, Spock. You've worn environmental suits before for spacewalks. Those are ten times as cumbersome as any winter wear and you do fine."

"'Fine' is not a standard I wish to follow, particularly when we are attempting to establish diplomatic relations. The space suits are necessary for survival in a vacuum, so they are unavoidable during an EVA. Clothing for cold weather is a far more flexible choice. As I said, Captain, I can easily regulate my body temperature." 

Obviously, this was not the case. The Vulcan's lips and fingernails were turning brown - a product of his copper blood. His cheeks blushed bright green against the pale skin, and his exposed hands trembled every time they left tight fists. The Asseens sitting next to the Vulcan appeared to have pity on him, but there was little they could do short of offering him warm beverages. Unfortunately, their idea of "hot" drinks was more like lukewarm mop water than anything else. 

Despite his obvious discomfort, Kirk did not bother relieving the Vulcan and letting him return to the ship. Bones did try arguing, but the captain knew it was futile. Spock had not let him go to planets alone in the four months since their five-year mission started. If it were anyone else, Kirk would be offended, but he knew the reason. 

Spock refused to let his captain die again. Whether it was out of loyalty or their friendship (Kirk was pretty sure it was the latter), he knew there was no point in fighting it. 

The clinking of chimes from the room's perimeter alerted the group to an upcoming toast from the "Grand Sorcerer," who, in essence, ran the planet. While Kirk was puzzled by a post-Warp civilization still believing in sorcerers and magic, he had to admit he liked this leader. 

Bones let out a sigh of relief, because this toast meant this small banquet was coming to an end and they would soon be back on the warm ship. Even Spock appeared glad for the end to this trip. 

"Friends, from both our planet and beyond, I wanted to thank you for coming to my home to share this meal with..." 

Kirk winced as his universal translator sputtered and squealed - a consequence of being exposed to cold temperatures for so long. It was the new model that fit behind the ear, and he had already had to replace four. Apparently in the rush to make new technology after Nero, no one accounted for extreme temperatures in their instruments. 

Bones was having the same problem if the look on his face was any indication. Even worse, the table they were sitting at was at least twenty feet long with the speaker on the opposite end, and the soft grunts that made up the Asseen's language were obscured by the room's echo. Even Uhura's brief lesson on the language basics was useless in this situation. 

Kirk looked to Spock to see if he could get translation help, but Spock had already removed his UT from behind his ear. 

"Captain," Spock's shaky voice whispered once he realized Kirk's distress. "Based on my rudimentary knowledge of this tongue, I believe he is seeking to give you a gift as an offer of friendship. I am unable to determine the nature of the gift, but based on this civilization's peaceful nature, I doubt it will be of harm to you or the ship." 

Kirk smirked and nodded. He knew there was a silent And if the gift is somehow dangerous, you do not need to fear because I will protect you. The reminder of how safe he was with his Vulcan friend made Kirk feel warmer than he had this entire mission. 

A soft nudge from Spock made Kirk sit up in attention. Da'Ath was gesturing toward Kirk with a hand comparable to the paw of a polar bear, only with larger claws and an opposable thumb. The captain smiled and stood, making his way to the head of the table. 

The UT was now kicking in at random intervals, but the occasional Standard words were not making much difference in Kirk's understanding of the Grand Sorcerer's farewell address. The intimidating hand gripped his shoulder in a friendly gesture, and his face looked upon Kirk's with great admiration and warmth. Kirk thanked his lucky stars this race had similar facial cues to humans, because otherwise he would be lost. 

The only moment of surprise was when Da'Ath threw his arm around Kirk and hugged him to his side. The stab of the thousand thick, wiry hairs through his clothes was a bit of a shock on cold skin, but Kirk nonetheless held it together. 

Finally, the grunts slowed down, and "in closing" made its way to Kirk's ear. Da'Ath let the captain go, and held him at arm's length in front of him. As if there were not twenty other dignitaries in the room, the Great Sorcerer looked Kirk in the eye and smiled. 

"Captain," Da'Ath managed in Standard. He pointed to Kirk's ear and said, "Smoke." 

Kirk's face fell and felt behind the ear where his malfunctioning translator lay. It was hot to the touch, and once he plucked it off to take a look, it definitely had smoke coming out of it. Kirk choked back his embarrassment and let out a laugh. He then held it up and attempted the Asseen word for "translator." The leader laughed, which caused several of the other dinner guests to do the same. He then looked apologetic. Kirk knew this would not be a huge issue with this easy-going culture, but habit dictated he look in control at all times and he now felt naked and exposed. 

"Captain Kirk," Da'Ath said slowly and with some difficulty. There was no "K" sound in this culture after all. "Will...you accept...my greatest...gift. A gift...I only give...to closest...most trusted...good hearts?" 

Kirk's face broke into a grin. Despite the weather, he was sad he would have to leave these people so soon. Most cultures only looked up to him because of his "hero cred" or because he had come back from the dead. The Asseens seemed unimpressed with everything except his care for others, particularly his crew mates. Kirk did not consider himself Mother Theresa by any means, and did not believe himself worthy of such attention, but the fact they respected him for reasons other than his prestige was a high point. 

Between translator malfunctions, the conversations with this man and his court were downright pleasant. The trip had initially been about negotiations for mining the dilithium deposits situated at their equator. Although they set limits, the Asseens were willing to allow mining as soon as possible in exchange for access to our medical knowledge - an odd trade if there ever was one. Kirk did not know what to do with himself for the rest of the time he set aside for negotiating, so he explained about Earth's warmth, and how they were recovering from a "greenhouse effect" humans caused in the past few centuries. The natives were fascinated, even more so when Kirk showed them holos of tropical places like Hawaii. The Asseens, in turn, showed Kirk their vast glacial formations, making the Captain's jaw drop. They spoke of the differences between living on a hot and a cold planet, and Kirk was relieved these people did not look down on humans (or Vulcans) because they were different. This was the first new race he had encountered who boasted that.

Kirk cleared his throat in order to respond with his limited Asseen vocabulary. In a series of slow grunts, Kirk responded, "I would be honored, friend." 

Without hesitation, one of DaArth's aides gave Kirk a small glass tube with a light blue liquid inside. The captain furrowed his brow and looked to the Grand Sorcerer for instruction. With a laugh, the Asseen shaped his hand into a "C" and put it to his lips, mimicking drinking. 

A cleared throat behind him alerted Kirk to Bones' reservations about drinking a mysterious liquid on a new planet. However, Kirk was not inclined to believe these people would give him poison. Even if he had an allergic reaction, the Enterprise was right above him, and his friends would get him to safety in no time. 

Kirk gulped the drink, which had a taste of carbonated mineral water. Immediately, Da'Ath let out a grunt of satisfaction and placed his substantial palm on Kirk's forehead. Once their skin made contact, a strange electricity surged through the captain's body. The shock of the sensation temporarily paralyzed him as his blood tingled with electricity. Momentary panic filled Kirk in that he feared he would explode. In the corner of his eye, he saw Bones and Spock stand from their seats ready to run to their friend's side. 

Within a minute, it was clear their help was not necessary. The tingling stopped, and Kirk felt completely normal, if not a little warmer than before. He would have dismissed it as his adrenaline making his heart beat faster, but that should not have made him downright comfortable in this icy room. Maybe this gift was some form of insulation from the cold. Maybe that was how this race stood the climate. Then again, if it was that, why did Da'Ath act like it was such a precious offering? It was not like this race needed extra protection from the cold with their copious hair. 

Kirk was startled when Da'Ath let out a loud growl that echoed in the hall, making all the other Asseens in the room join in the jubilant sounds. The captain used the opportunity to shuffle back to his comrades and sit in his seat. He could practically feel the glare from Bones about so flippantly taking an alien concoction, and Spock was likely not happy either. He was sure there would be hell to pay once he got back to the Enterprise. 

Thankfully, he would have longer to wait until he got his ear chewed off because he no longer craved the human-perfect temperatures on his Silver Lady. The weather here felt positively divine. 

oOOOo

"Sickbay. Now." 

The three men had barely materialized in the transporter room before Bones uttered his muted, if not resigned, orders. While he knew it would be in his best interests to respond right away, Kirk's first instinct was to resist. 

"Actually, I should debrief with Spock before..." 

"Our debriefing can wait, Captain," Spock hastily interjected. "I believe it is standard procedure to be examined by the ship's doctor after returning from a previously unvisited planet, especially if you ingest items we have not been able to scan." 

"If you'll recall, Spock, there is a time limit of 48 hours..." 

"Oh, don't you dare play the innocent act," Bones sighed. "Not only did we all have to freeze our balls off in that icebox they call a planet, but I also have to worry about you drinking any liquid that goes under your nose." Bones hit his tricorder with the heel of his hand and cursed as particles of frost fell to the ground. "Can someone bring me a scanner that's not fucking useless?" 

"Doctor, despite your obsessive proclivity for immediate scanning, it is illogical the readings would be any different if we wait the 2.52 minutes it takes to walk to Sickbay in order to use their far more accurate tricorder." 

Bones sighed. "A lot can happen in 2 point...whatever minutes, you green-blooded..." 

"Okay, okay," Kirk said, holding up his hands. "Let's all go to Sickbay and get the hilarity over with." 

"I doubt Sickbay has ever been considered funny, Captain." 

Kirk looked at Spock with a half smile. The Vulcan still looked a bit uncomfortable, but his tone had improved and there was no tremble in his voice. In fact, there was the endearing ghost of a smile Spock seemed to save just for him. 

"Clearly you have never seen Bones when he grabs a nap on the bio beds. He clearly has PTSD from the terrifying clowns of North Georgia." 

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Indeed, it appears I was mistaken when it comes to human definitions of humor Vulcans, of course, do not have clowns, nor your penchant for deprecating amusement." 

Yeah right, Jim thought to himself as he remembered the dozen of light jibes Spock had lobbed at him in the past months. 

A firm hand grabbed Kirk's shoulder and practically pushed him toward the door. "Enough of your stalling, Jim. Don't make me tell him about your own nocturnal shouts of 'Expecto Petronius!'" 

At Kirk's blush, Spock said, "I believe you just did, Doctor, although I do not see why dreams of possessing magic powers resembling that of a 21st century book series would be unusual." 

Bones chuckled. "Just wait until you hear who he says it to." 

Again, Spock lifted an eyebrow. "That would be fascinating to discuss." 

"But we can't," Kirk quickly said as he jogged into the turbo lift. "I have a physical to get done." 

Bones raised an eye brow of his own. "Wow, I should have gone for that angle a long time ago." 

Once they reached sickbay, Kirk hopped into the bio bed enthusiastically, no doubt giving his two friends amusement at his discomfort. 

Bones unhooked the larger scanner from its resting place and ran it over Kirk's body. The captain leaned back with his arm bent to pillow his neck as he shot an amused look toward Spock. Strangely, the Vulcan averted his eyes millimeters to the right so he was looking just beyond Kirk and over Bones' shoulder. Too bad Kirk knew his friend too well. Based on the movements of his lips, Spock's tongue was going back and forth against the inside of his mouth in what amounted to his version of a nervous twitch. 

"Worried, Spock?" 

The man in question widened as if startled. "Certainly not, captain. I simply do not desire to take over your command while my body is recovering from the lower temperatures. I do not predict my efficiency will be at optimum levels." 

"It turns out there is no use for worry," Bones said. "Your body temperature is down a pinch, so I will expect you to sleep with a warming blanket tonight. Otherwise you're fit as a fiddle." 

"No noticeable changes to physiology?" Spock asked. 

Kirk lifted his eyes brows as he sat up. "Jeeze, Spock. You sound disappointed. You didn't even notice Bones comparing my health to an inanimate Terran string instrument." 

"No, Captain. Merely puzzled. The Grand Sorcerer said he was going to give you an exclusive gift, and there was no understandable indication of what this gift was. As we left the castle, the people looked to you with a strange form of reverence that did not exist before you accepted the offering."

"Spock, those people are pretty superstitious," Bones said. "Da'Ath probably gave him a blessing of some kind, like Isaac gave to his sons." 

Spock furrowed his brow in confusion. 

"I thought your Mom was Jewish, Spock," Kirk sighed. "Near the beginning of the book of Genesis, Isaac was the son of Abraham, and had two sons, but only the oldest would get the blessing of their dying father." 

Spock jumped in, "My mother told me the story, Captain. Jacob, the youngest, fooled his blind father into thinking he was his older brother so he could get the blessing. I always found the story most illogical, because when he discovered his error, Isaac was distraught as if the blessing he gave his youngest was a material thing he could not replicate. He could have easily said words over the heads of both sons." 

"You have to get into the heads of ancient humans," Bones supplied. "To them, the blessing was a mystical thing, and could not be given twice. I know that computer brain of yours is unable to comprehend the supernatural..." 

"On the contrary, Doctor. I'm sure you're aware of the Vulcan reverence for the immortal soul - something most humans view as 'supernatural.' It is simply irrelevant to the living." 

"It wasn't irrelevant to Isaac," Kirk said. "And it probably isn't irrelevant to Da'Ath. I'm with Bones on this one, although I'm pretty sure something weird was in that drink. I felt tingly when he touched me." 

"It was probably some kind of nerve stimulator mixed with the cold. Too bad we'll never know. Whatever it was, it's out of your system now."

"Too bad. I was hoping for a tangible gift, like a fruit basket or something." 

Bones rolled his eyes. "Just what we would have needed. More alien substances to make you break out in hives." 

Kirk laughed and jumped off the bed. "Am I free to go, oh Master of Pain?" 

Bones shook his head and shooed Kirk out with one hand. He barely heard the doctor haranguing Spock to get his own physical before he turned the corner and made a beeline for the turbo lift. Once inside, Kirk aired out his trench coat since he was starting to sweat underneath. He did not think to tell Bones about the increased tolerance for cold, but at the time it was not important so he quickly filed this fact away to think on later. 

Kirk would not think on it for two months - when the nature of his gift from the Asseens made itself abundantly clear.


	2. Chapter 2

"Captain, normally I would not complain, but I have noticed the air in your quarters has become 5.6 degrees colder in the past month, and it is causing me some discomfort." 

Kirk furrowed his brow as he studied the 3D chess board in front of him as if it were the only thing in the universe. "What did I tell you about calling me 'Jim' while off duty?" 

"I have tried my best to do so, but refusing to talk to me unless I address you by the right name is tiresome and assumes I am a Terran toddler." 

"Wow. Not just a toddler, but a _Terran_ toddler. How can you stand the insult?" Kirk grinned as he nudged his bishop forward. "Checkmate." 

Spock lifted an eyebrow. "If your temperature change is a subtle way to distract me from my gameplay..." 

"Oh, come off it, Spock. Lately I've felt better with the temperature colder, and I often forget to turn it back up when you come in." He looked up. "Computer, up the temperature ten degrees." 

Spock took a deep breath as the heat reached his skin and he at last felt comfortable. 

"Besides," Kirk continued. "I know the fucking Mongol army couldn't distract you when you're focused on beating me." 

"Nonetheless, it is not above you to attempt other strategies in your quest to win at chess." 

The quirk of Spock's lip made Kirk snort. "Trust me, Spock. It's not like our chess games are the Kobiyashi Moru. I have enough on my plate without worrying about my winning tally." 

"I believe that I have won 57 times, you have won 24, there have been 12 stalemates." 

Kirk blinked. "Shit, we've played that many chess games? This mission is flying by." 

Kirk could not help but get nostalgic when he thought on how they started their five year mission. Spock had gone from his friend to his best friend, and the camaraderie with their bridge crew was better than ever. The start of the mission was rocky with two Klingon attacks and encounters with a mysterious hostile races looking for female consorts, but the last half had been incredibly calm, with star-mapping, easy diplomatic assignments, and supply runs.

"Your human colloquialism is...appropriate, Jim." 

A blaring alarm and a red flashing light jerked the captain out of his reverie. Spock got to his feet in a split second and Kirk raced to his comm unit. 

"Bridge. What's happening?" 

"There is an intruder on the ship, Captain." 

"An intruder? How the hell did we get an intruder? I wasn't informed of any ships in the area." 

"Ay sir," Scotty chimed in, taking over for the young navigator. "We were running routine scans and picked up an extra bio reading five minutes ago. I have a feeling that when we picked up the Deuterium canisters two days ago, someone stowed away." 

At Kirk's confused look, Spock interjected, "Such containers can theoretically be constructed in such a way to mask bio readings of a stowaway. It has been done before." 

"Which is why I'm a bit pissed we didn't catch this before now. Those things are air tight. How can a stowaway survive in there for two days?" 

"Previous stowaway attempts had minute holes be poked in the canisters, but this is irrelevant at this time. I believe it would be prudent to catch our uninvited guest before he or she completes their objective, assuming they're malevolent." 

"I'd say that's a safe assumption." Kirk pressed the comm button again. "What did the readings tell you about this person, Scotty?" 

"Female, human, and currently in the recreation room...no, wait. She's moving." 

"It is likely the red alert made it obvious her presence has been discovered," Spock said. 

"Well, she has no where to go since we're in deep space. Scotty, place security detail around the shuttle bay and tell three more to meet us by the Deck 5 turbo lift." Kirk turned to Spock. "I'd go get your phaser." 

"I suppose it would be pointless to suggest security can handle this without the added risk of their commanding officer joining them?" 

"Yep. Just as pointless as asking you to take the conn while I'm gone." 

Spock tilted his head in acknowledgment of the point. Kirk tossed the Vulcan one of his extra phasers and they made their way to the turbo lift where two security officers waited. Sweat prickled at the captain's brow thanks to the increased temperature in the hallway. He would have to talk to Scotty again about the damn heat on the ship once this was over. 

Then again, Spock did say he had been making his quarters progressively colder. Maybe there was a problem with his internal temperature. He had noticed that ever since they visited the Asseens he was not tolerating heat as well. Again, he would have to consult Bones on the matter...except he would probably berate him for waiting so long to bring this to his attention... 

"Orders, sir?" 

Kirk mentally kicked himself for zoning out. "Where did Scotty say her last known coordinates were?" 

One of the security men - Giotto, Kirk recognized - pulled out his PADD. "According to this, she is in the second observation deck." 

The quick shuffle of feet signaled the arrival of a third security man - one of the newest recruits they received from the last Starbase. Giotto gave him a brief annoyed glance, but then looked back down to his PADD. He was one of five to replace some of the casualties from earlier in the mission. 

"Sorry I'm late," the newcomer said. "I was unsure..." 

"We don't have time for excuses...Ensign," Kirk said as he glanced down to the man's bare sleeve cuff. Once the red alert was de-activated, Kirk said, "We had better get to her before she moves again. We basically have her cornered in that deck." 

"Which is why I advise caution, Captain," Spock said. "She was clearly alerted to our suspicion when the alarms went off. It would be illogical to assume a person who has the intelligence to sneak onto a Starship would corner herself without intention, especially when she knows we are likely tracking her bio readings." 

"Unless she's stupid," the newcomer said in a bit of an indignant tone. "Also, why should she assume the red alert was for her." 

Giotto cleared his throat. "Higgins, I don't think anyone was asking your opinion." 

"I'm inclined to agree with Spock," Kirk said with a nod toward his friend. "It's better to assume she's smarter than she looks. We should definitely proceed with caution." 

Higgins gave an obvious scowl. Kirk chewed his cheek to hold back a snarky comment about the infantile attitude of this kid. Starfleet may be light on personnel after the Narada incident, but that was no excuse for graduating little punks like this.

_Jesus, I'm starting to sound like my grandfather._

"Do I need to relieve you from this assignment, Ensign?"

"No, sir." 

"Then I suggest you change your attitude. Let's g..ow." 

The phaser in Kirk's hand became ice cold all of a sudden, causing Kirk to toss it to his other hand and handle it with his fingertips. Looking at the weapon, frost had developed on the shell, causing the normally green "fully charged" light to go out. In all likelihood, the phaser was useless. 

"What the fuck?" 

"Here, Captain," Giotto said, pulling out an extra phaser. "You realize those go in the cabinet, not the freezer, right?" 

"Har har," Kirk said, still puzzling over what happened. "Now, where were we?" 

The group made their way to the top deck over to the second observation lounge in less than five minutes. According to Giotto's instruments, the intruder was still in the room, and was pacing back and forth.

"Waiting for us, perhaps?" Kirk quipped. "Giotto and Spock are with me. Everyone else, stand guard outside. Whatever this chick has planned, we'll be ready for her." 

"Captain, perhaps it would be better if you did not go in..." 

"This woman snuck onto my ship, Spock. I've not had good luck with uninvited guests in my time." 

Spock pursed his lips minutely and gave a stiff nod. 

"Set your phasers to stun, and let's go." 

The three men straightened and entered the room with their weapons drawn. The woman was small, brunette, and indeed pacing as if nervous. She startled at the men's entrance, and appeared to recoil and put a hand on her chest. Her face was drawn and her skin seemed to hang off her. She was in a Starfleet science uniform, but she was clearly looked like she would burst into tears at the slightest sound. Hardly a type with the wherewithal to commit sabotage on a Starship. 

Kirk kept his weapon drawn nonetheless. "What is your name?" 

The woman shook her head just as phaser fire sounded behind them. Kirk turned to see Higgins running inside and then shooting the control panel just as the door closed. In his hand was a much larger phaser than the standard for Starfleet personnel. His eyes had become wild and held up both his weapons toward the captain and his crew. The woman ran behind him and grabbed his arms for dear life.

"A diversion," Spock said, uselessly. "It appears we have been tricked." 

"No shit, Vulcan," Higgins growled. "My sister was glad to help, especially since she would be able to see me kill the alien scum who ruined her life." 

Spock. Goddammit, this fucker wanted Spock. 

Kirk moved to stand in front of the Vulcan just as a sting on his hand alerted him to his new phaser meeting the same fate as the old. He cursed to himself and lowered the gun, trying not to give away the fact he was now unarmed. 

"I must confess, I am not sure what you are referring to," Spock said, causing Kirk to throw a "shush" his way. 

Higgins grinned. "You Vulcans act like your so innocent. Well, you're going to remember her, because she's the last thing you're ever going to see." 

Giotto made a move and Higgins immediately shot his standard phaser at him, causing the security officer to go down in a heap. In what looked like a reflex, Spock grabbed Jim by the elbow and pulled him back so they stood shoulder to shoulder. Despite the protective gesture, Spock's face remained neutral, although his eyes gave away his fear. 

You have the only working phaser, Kirk thought, hoping Spock's touch telepathy would pick it up. The widening of his dark eyes showed the message got through. Spock raised his phaser higher. 

"I wouldn't do that, Vulcan," Higgins practically spat. Both guns remained pointed at the men. "I was nice to Giotto. He's only stunned. I can't have any human members of the crew dying. You never know if a Vulcan is gonna replace them." 

"Considering the fact they're an endangered species, I doubt that," Kirk said, his agitation causing him to break his own rule. 

Higgins laughed. "The supposed destruction of the planet was clearly a way for the Vulcans to get sympathy and cover up for their plan to take over the Federation. Isn't that right?" Spock's silence caused Higgins to laugh again. "Well, I guess that answers my question." 

"Or perhaps I simply find it illogical to argue with a theory so beyond the realm of sane thought that finding a counter argument is a waste of energy," Spock replied. Kirk smiled at the comeback. 

"You Vulcans think you're all so smart," Higgins said with a scowl. "You think we're all playing to your little game, but we're not. Why else would you be so quiet - so logical? You're sizing us up." 

"Clearly you didn't listen during cultural competence training," Kirk said. "Besides, I thought it took at least five years for history to be rewritten by psychopaths. I guess prejudice knows no limits." 

"It's not prejudice! It's the truth!" Higgins shouted. "One day, you'll know. Spock will betray you, and you'll know. Of course, I don't plan on letting that happen. I'm gonna get rid of the threat right here, but not before I make him confess." 

"Confess what?" Kirk was now looking with contempt on this man. Seriously, if he died at the hands of this half-wit, he would know without a doubt the universe hated him. 

"His plans to take over Starfleet, like he crushed Lilly's dreams of becoming a Starfleet scientist just because she is human." 

Kirk tried to hold back a laugh. "What? Did he flunk her at the Academy or something?" 

Higgins stiffened. 

"He did, didn't he?" Oh you've gotta be..." 

Higgins's thumb went down on the trigger of his larger gun, and from that point everything went in slow motion. Kirk grabbed Spock in a bear hug and pulled him out of the way, but not before the beam grazed the Vulcan's shoulder and caused their lone phaser to clatter to the ground. Before he dropped his friend, pain shot through their contact. Kirk barely had time look down to the Vulcan to see if he was okay. His anger took over, but not in the way he expected. 

For a second, his hand tingled, and something in his mind clicked. Before he knew what was happening, Kirk pointed his palm toward their enemy and immediately a large wall of ice appeared between him and Higgins. It was at least five feet tall with spikes pointed toward the man with the gun. 

A female scream - likely from Lilly - shook Kirk out of his mind space and into realization of what had appeared in front of him, and that he had caused it. Kirk blinked, thinking such a thing could not possibly happen. He had to be unconscious and hallucinating. The sensation of his hands burning with energy reached his awareness and he looked down. Above his palms were blue balls of light pulsing with the beating of his heart. 

Kirk could not afford to panic, because it appeared he now had a tool to fight this new threat. Like any other tool, he needed to learn to use it to his advantage, and fast. Immediately, he tried to recapture the mental space he fell into before, but found his pesky frontal lobe getting in the way. He decided to take a page out of Spock's book and simply will something to happen. He reached out to face a palm directly in front and willed a pillar of ice to appear. Suddenly, energy shot out of his hand and caused a bouquet of spiked icicles to appear before him. 

Kirk's mind screamed how wrong this was - how unnatural. Where did this come from? Well, that was obvious. He had been feeling slightly out of sorts since his encounter with the Asseens. He supposed this was what the Grand Sorcerer had given him. Some strange power to control ice. 

Figuring out the mechanics of this new power would have to wait. Kirk was still in emergency mode, as evidenced by the blast of a phaser reducing a meter-wide section of the ice wall to to tiny pieces. Kirk lifted his head to see his antagonist approaching with shaking hands. 

"What the hell is this?" Higgins demanded, his voice barely containing fear. "Are you a type of alien scum, too?" 

Kirk grinned at his enemy's unease. Although Higgins still had two guns, the captain had a clear psychological advantage. "No, but I have friends who are. That's what happens when you're not a bigoted prick. You learn new skills." 

His mind descended seamlessly into his new instincts. Kirk separated his feet as he would for martial arts, and extended his still glowing hands. He did not aim for Higgins, but created to more spires from the ground that rose two heads above both men. 

"I-I could destroy those easily," Higgins attempted.

"You could, but there will be more where that came from." Kirk reached over and broke a particularly hearty spire from one of his bouquets and held it in front of him like a sword. He experimented and willed his makeshift weapon to grow new points up and down, making a pine tree shape. Blue energy pulsed up and down the instrument and did just as the captain wished. 

"Jim!" Came Spock's warning voice behind him. Kirk hesitated after realizing he forgot both his First Officer and Giotto were behind him. The captain tried not to let it show, though. He did not intend to hurt Higgins, only scare him.

The ploy worked. Higgins dropped his guns and fell to his knees, holding his hands palms up in the air. Once Kirk got close enough, he kicked both weapons behind him. 

"That's better." 

Kirk continued to hold his improvised mace millimeters in front of Higgins' face for about a minute before the sound of the door being pried open echoed though the room, and several slack-jawed security officers led by Sulu streamed in. 

"Uh...Captain?" Sulu asked, eyeing the large ice formations standing tall in the room. 

Kirk could not help but laugh at their confusion. "I'll explain later. Right now, let's get Mr. Higgins and his sister into the brig. They have some explaining to do." 

God bless his security staff. The walked around the frozen pillars like they were a daily occurrence and grabbed the Higgins siblings to take them toward their ultimate fate. 

Kirk took a deep breath and dropped his impromptu weapon. The energy had left his hands, but adrenaline still pumped through his system. He knew this would require quite a bit of explanation, but the sheer elation of having beaten this psycho with some preternatural ability made him feel like walking on a cloud. However, his mood darkened when he turned to look at Spock. 

Giotto had barely come to and was being helped to his feet by his colleagues. Spock was gripping his arm and sitting on the ground, staring at Jim with unmasked fear. 

The look only lasted a moment, but it was unmistakable. As a pair, they had faced supermen, crazy Romulans, large alien creatures, and dark silence of space. In all that time, Spock remained collected and in control. He never once betrayed any distress in his facial expressions or body language (unless Kirk was hurt, oddly enough). To see the momentary lapse in control was jarring, to say the least. Although the cool mask returned a fraction of a second after their eyes met, the image of one of his closest friends fearing him was branded in his memory. 

Kirk took a deep breath and tried to play it off, although the more the adrenaline left his system, the more he knew there were dozens of questions that would need to be answered about this newfound ability. 

"How's your arm?" Was the only thing the Captain could think to say. 

Spock lowered his gaze as his eyes became fiery. "Captain, is my minor injury really the most logical subject to discuss at this time? You have just conjured large amounts of crystallized water with your hands." 

Kirk shrugged. "Yeah, I guess we know what Da'Ath's gift was, huh?" 

"Do not treat this glibly, Captain," Spock said as he got to his feet. "Were you aware of this ability before?" 

"No," Kirk said, more serious now. "I got in this weird state of mind and my hands did all the work." 

"Jesus Christ, what happened in here?" 

Bones' unmistakable Southern drawl drew them both out of the conversation. The doctor stepped carefully through the melting chunks of ice and stared with his mouth agape at the large formations around him. 

Kirk was shaken out of his amusement by Spock's good hand closing around his forearm. "Doctor, you, the Captain, and I must go immediately to Sickbay. A team must be brought in to clean this up, and I do not want the details of what happened here to leave our confidence." 

"Ahem. Last time I checked, I'm still the Captain. Will you let me go?" 

Spock ignored him, but Kirk did not put up a physical fight as his friend led him out the door and a confused McCoy followed. He knew why Spock was acting like this. Kirk's blasé attitude really was just for show. In truth, as his distance from the precipitating event lengthened, he felt unsure himself. However, this was not his focus. Kirk would do anything and everything to appease his Vulcan friend so he never saw the disturbing fearful look directed toward him again.


	3. Chapter 3

The speed of Dr. McCoy's pace around his office quickened as Spock relayed recent events to the doctor. Although interrupted frequently to confirm the story with a taciturn Kirk, Spock relayed his narrative in an manner that would make his father proud. 

However, if his father were to see what his inner turmoil, the story would be different. 

Spock knew Kirk caught his lapse in control. It did no good to chastise himself for such an outward display of distress, but the circumstances were particularly unusual. The man Spock had gotten to know over two years - the man who's strength of will and moral fiber were unmatched, despite what less familiar people said - had gained a new ability and immediately used it to intimidate and frighten. In the span of seconds, James Kirk completely changed. 

Spock knew his regard for Kirk had grown exponentially over time. He only realized how important the human was to him when the man died at the hands of Khan. The intense feelings scared and confused him. Spock had never had a best friend before, it was a shock to see what closeness to another person could cause. Even his relationship with Nyota seemed to pale in comparison, which did not seem logical. In both Terran and Vulcan societies, sexual relationships were considered the epitome of closeness. This confusion caused a distance from Nyota that continued to this day. 

After their five-year mission began, Spock simply chose to embrace this closeness to his captain and not think on it. This was effortless since Kirk did not expect him to be anything other than himself. Establishing a close friendship with him was not as fraught with peril as others. True, Nyota claimed to accept him as he was, and on some level she did. However, she was a human, and most human females require an intimacy in relationships Spock felt unequipped to provide. None of this was her fault, for it was a part of her basic make-up. Kirk, on the other hand, was far less demanding, and required less overt displays of affection - granted there was no sexual component to their relationship, but this was beside the point. He seemed to have an innate understanding of Vulcan humor, mannerisms, and the affectionate undertones in colloquialisms. In exchange, Spock gained a deeper understanding of Kirk's inner workings, such as his passion, bravery, and strong foundation behind his actions. How his background facilitated these qualities was a mystery to Spock. When Kirk finally divulged his experiences with his abusive stepfather and the genocide on Tarsus IV, Spock knew he needed to amend his previous assumptions about the fragility of the human psyche. 

Their comfortable relationship had become less of a puzzle to be deciphered and more a steady presence Spock had grown to count on. However, there were moments - such as the moment Kirk created perilous ice flows with his bare hands - that reminded Spock he did not have his feelings figured out in the least. They became unpredictable at a moment's notice.

"So let me get this straight," Bones said, now leaning on his desk and staring at its gleaming surface. "Jim...has some fancy Snow Queen powers...which likely came from the Asseens?" 

"That's it in a nutshell," Kirk said, still slumped in his chair as if being chastised. Spock caught those enigmatic blue eyes glancing in his direction every three or four seconds but coming short of making full eye contact. Based on the sequence of events, Spock concluded this newfound nervousness resulted from Kirk glimpsing into his vulnerable moment of trepidation. While this was positive in that it took away the initial flippancy toward these newly discovered powers, Spock was disturbed that it took his reaction to ignite fear in his friend. Kirk should be concerned for this ship and his own psychological well-being, not what others thought of him. 

Once Spock became cognizant of what McCoy had said, he raised an eyebrow. "Snow Queen powers? Terrans have a reference point for this phenomenon?" Spock's mind began to churn. If they had some form of knowledge beyond the Asseens to glean from, this might be an easy problems to resolve. 

McCoy sighed. "Not exactly. The Snow Queen was a nineteenth century fairy tale. I was just making a comparison." 

"It still shows there is a precedent on Earth which could provide insight into the mechanics of these abilities. Not all fairy tales are purely concoctions of the human mind." 

McCoy chuckled. "I don't think you're going to find much help there, Spock. If what you say is true, there is nothing Terran about these powers." Bones sat at his desk and pulled up his comm screen. "I'm going to make a call to our friend Da'Ath right now." 

"That will not be possible, Doctor." 

"Why not?" 

"Because one month ago, the entirety of the Asseen race entered into a hibernation period for their winter." 

“That…when we were there…wasn't winter?" 

"Indeed, Doctor. We were on their planet in the equivalent of your autumn." 

"Mother of God," Bones growled. "How do you know that, anyway?" 

"It is my duty as science officer to research any race we make contact with to understand their cultural practices." 

"And you did not happen to come across the small detail they can dole out magic powers to whomever they chose?" 

Spock fought not to wince. "Their royal family - Da'Ath being the current elder - is said to have the power to command ice, which is reportedly how their castle was built centuries ago. However, this is the extent of the information, and I deemed it irrelevant." 

McCoy looked like he was about to say something else, but stopped himself. "To be honest, Spock, I would have assumed the same thing."

"Thank you for you gracious response, Doctor. I believe this mission will teach us not to be dismissive of cultural lore, such as Grand Sorcerers, or Snow Queens." 

"I wouldn't say that. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then." The doctor turned to Kirk. "You're being awful quiet, Jim. Care to chime in?" 

Kirk had been quiet, almost to a disturbing degree. "How long is this hibernation supposed to last, Spock?" 

"Approximately 5.3 of your months." 

Kirk stiffened for a moment, but then relaxed. "I guess that's alright." 

"No, it's not alright. I may not have seen you in action, Jim, but I saw the results. Do you realize how dangerous that could be were you to lose control?" 

"Hey, I have been sitting on this for two months, and nothing's happened. I don't know what both of you are so freaked out about." 

Spock wanted to sigh, since Kirk was now getting defensive and the remainder of this conversation was not likely to be productive. Nonetheless, Spock attempted to reason with his friend. 

"I believe the powers have been latent, yet growing in intensity all the while." 

Kirk still did not make eye contact with the Vulcan, but rather looked at McCoy's display of ancient surgical tools on the wall. "How the fuck can you possibly know that, Spock?" 

"Because I am putting many small observations from the past two months together to create a larger narrative. You have been steadily turning down the thermostat in your room, and have been favoring lukewarm food as opposed to your usual hot offerings. Today's events were the first high-stress situation we have encountered since our mission on Aran VI, and this likely precipitated these developing abilities to activate, as we saw when your phaser froze in the hallway. While I admit my data is lacking, I theorize the power is emitted through your hands and is driven by emotional reactions." 

Kirk gave a dark laugh. “And we all know how dangerous those damn emotions are, don’t we?” 

“Jim…”

”You know Spock, just when I think you've changed, you say something like that." 

Spock gulped at the closest Kirk had come to a genuine insult in months. "You are making presumptions." 

"So are you. You're talking like this is some horrible thing. If I recall, it saved both of our lives." 

"Jim, you are a very quick thinker. I have no doubt you would have found a way to protect us both without these powers." 

The mask of indignation wavered at the compliment, but Kirk's body continued to resemble a coiled spring. 

"Jim," McCoy said with some alarm. Spock then realized there was a chill in the air, and frost quickly spreading across the armrests Kirk gripped. As if burned, Kirk lifted his hands and let them hover. 

"This is why we are concerned," Spock said. "You clearly have no control over these powers." 

"Then I'll get control," Jim said. "In the meantime, I'll wear gloves or something. Bones, didn't you have a bunch that you were gonna give to Spock?"

Immediately, the doctor yanked open a drawer and pulled out two felt gloves and tossed them to the captain. "You're lucky our hobgoblin friend stubbornly refuses to take care of his body temperature, but I'm kinda lost as to how those will be enough. If they can freeze a phaser, they can freeze felt." 

Kirk slipped them on and held up his hands as if to prove they fit. 

"I guess we'll find out if the movies are accurate. If not, well think of something else." 

McCoy furrowed his brow in confusion for less than a second before widening his eyes in realization. "You've gotta be kidding me. The only thing you could think of to block your powers is an idea from a 21st century cartoon?" 

"Hey, it was based on the Snow Queen." At McCoy's glare, Jim said, "What else do you suggest, huh?" 

The doctor paused and let out a groan. "Either way, there is no way in hell I'm letting you on duty until you at least get a basic handle on whatever this is." 

"Doctor, I would suggest the captain be off duty until we can at least get in touch with the Asseens." 

"What? No way! I am not waiting five months to captain my ship!" 

Spock gulped back the lump in his throat. He knew how his suggestion would be received, but he needed to say his piece anyway. "Jim, another part of my hypothesis is that these powers will get stronger with time." 

"But I can learn to control them, and I'm sure Bones can find the source, right?” 

"Jim, I don't even know where to start. I've given you two scans since Aran VI and with the exception of lower body temperature, there are no physiological changes. The human body is a complicated system. I wouldn't even know what organs to target for an antidote." 

“We don’t need an antidote.” 

The inflection behind the phrase made it clear Jim was not looking to expunge these powers - a fact that disturbed Spock. There was no logical reason the captain would want to keep such mysterious abilities when his natural talents have proven to be more than adequate. 

Kirk picked up on the apprehension on the room and said, "Come on. Don't tell me these powers won't be useful. Imagine if we had gone to Bacchus III and I had this arsenal. We would not have lost ten people to ten-foot tall bugs. What about the Romulan drill that destroyed Vulcan?" Spock visibly flinched at the low blow. "I could have incapacitated the Narada in an instant and Vulcan would still be there. Can you imagine how many lives this can save?" 

"Captain," Spock said, now sounding stern. "We are not even sure how these powers are possible. Even my theories are only conjecture. There is nothing predictable about this power, and therefore must be treated with the utmost caution." 

Kirk let out a laugh. "What about the Vulcan telepathy? We both know how it can be abused, but you're allowed to use it in the field." 

Spock lowered his face minutely to show his displeasure at the the line of conversation. "I have had telepathy since birth. It is as integral to me as our mutual senses of sight and hearing are to you. Vulcans learn how to control their telepathy even before they are able to walk. Your learning curve is much lower since you gained this power as an adult." 

"But I can still learn. Jesus, Spock. Don't you trust me?" 

"I hate to say it," McCoy said. "But I'm with Spock on this one. His gifts are different, and you know it." 

Kirk groaned and rubbed his face. "God, what is with you people? Would I ever intentionally put this ship in danger? Is this ship not the most important thing in the world to me? Are you guys not the most important people in the world to me?" 

Spock's heart skipped a beat at this pronouncement. 

“Look,” Kirk rubbed his face and forced some fight out of his body. I get why you are freaked out. I'll...take myself off the duty roster for a couple weeks and see if I can get a handle on this thing." 

"We don't even know where to start, Jim." 

"C'mon. We both know there is no such thing as magic. There has to be a physiological base to this thing. We know I can control it with my mind. Since Spock is the expert on controlling emotions and stuff, he can help me." 

"As Doctor McCoy explained, I have no frame of reference." 

"Ugh," Kirk shouted while shooting to his feet. "Why do you have to be so fucking defeatist?" 

Kirk threw his hands up in the air, and a sheet of snow flew across the room, covering both Spock and McCoy. 

"Jesus..." McCoy frantically shook his clothes to get the frozen water off him, letting out a shiver. Spock remained standing in his same position, and merely used his sleeve to wipe the melting snowflakes off his face. 

"I-I guess the gloves are out," Kirk admitted, prying off the now-frozen fabric. 

"No shit." Bones frantically used his nearby labcoat to wipe the water off his computer equipment. "If that happens again, I'll be giving you a sedative to make sure your only sensations are the need to eat and piss." 

"Sure, Bones," Kirk said, a bit more humble, but still with his chest sticking out. The captain then turned to Spock, who had made every effort to remain perfectly still through the second display of powers. The Vulcan was curious as to why The doctor did not display his usual over-reaction. They might have helped push Kirk to see reason, if only slightly. 

"Spock," Kirk said, with pleading eyes. "Think about this logically. We have no idea where this comes from, so do you think it is a good idea to live day to day trying no to get the least bit emotional so I don't freeze people? Even if we do find an antidote, it's not going to happen tomorrow." 

Spock lifted an eyebrow, but did not reply. He sensed a mental block in accepting Kirk's proposal. Something about these preternatural abilities seemed wrong, and nursing them would be tantamount to accepting their existence. If it were not for his friend's easy acceptance, the block might not be there. 

Then again, his captain's logic was sound. Suppressing the powers was not likely to be effective, if normal human behavior was anything to go on. Spock clenched his hands behind his back as his human instinct and Vulcan logic warred inside him. He closed his eyes when he realized this would not even have been a war in the past. The logical decision would have prevailed, and any interference from his human half would be ignored as if it had never existed. What had happened to him and the pride he had in his intellect? He must make the logical choice. He must not let feelings for this...insufferable human keep him for doing what is best for the ship, at least in the short term. Kirk would control his powers, and one day they would find the means to banish them. No human had the capacity to wield such...

Spock's jaw tightened as the thought crossed his mind. Was that why he was so opposed to Kirk having power? Because he thought humans were inertly incompetent? How long has he harbored this attitude toward people he called colleagues and friends - best friends? An echo in the back of his mind said that while distasteful, it was true. Vulcans did have higher brain capacity than humans. However, this did not indicate superiority by any means. Why had this attitude not been expunged after becoming so close with Kirk?

"Spock? You alright?" 

"Yes, Captain," Spock said, trying to push his distraction aside. "Your argument has merit. I will assist you in mind disciplines to control these abilities, on the condition you submit to Dr. McCoy's testing so the source can be found." 

Kirk sighed. "I can live with that." 

Bones jumped in. "And I'm taking you off the duty roster for your two weeks, but that's just to start. If we think you're not ready to go back on duty, we'll keep you off longer, and you're gonna like it." 

"Thanks, Papaw. Anything else?" 

"We will add more stipulations as we see fit." 

"Stipulations? C'mon, it's not like I'm on probation. You guys are acting like I went to the superpowers store and picked this out just to fuck with you. I didn't ask for this."

Spock was tempted to comment further, but restrained himself. "Indeed, Captain. You did not ask for this." 

"I'm glad to see you admit it, Commander. Now can I go to bed? I'm exhausted." 

Spock glanced at the chronometer and it was indeed 0100. Alpha shift started in five hours, and based on the bags that had been under Kirk's eyes all day, his last sleep cycle had been insufficient. 

They both nodded, and Kirk shot out the door. Spock was unsure if it was his imagination or not, but the room became a bit warmer once the captain left. 

"Well I'll be goddamned," Bones said as he collapsed in his chair. The gravity of the situation seemed to have finally descended on him. 

"For a practicing Christian, you take your God's name in vain quite a bit." 

"For a practicing atheist, you sure have a big obsession with correcting my sin." 

"Doctor, Vulcans are the equivalent of your agnostics, which you would know if you paid attention to..." 

"Will you get off it?" 

Spock turned to look at his friend, who's features now appeared concerned. "I do not know what you are referring to." 

"The past several months, the three of us have been getting closer. Sure, we rag on each other, but I consider you my friend. As a result, I've become privy to your bullshit. I know you are trying to shut down. That long stake gets thoroughly plunged back up your ass and you become a computer again." 

"Doctor..." 

"Make a comment about my figures of speech and you'll lose a testicle." 

"You know full well my testicles are not exposed but rather and located under my lower back, making your threat extremely difficult to execute.” 

Bones slapped the table as he got up from his perch. "Fine. I give up, but I'm gonna tell you one thing. This is freaky as hell, and you know it. That's why you're retreating back into Taciturn-land. You don't want to be scared of Jim. Well, I'm gonna be honest - I'm scared of Jim." 

Spock could not stop himself from opening his mouth, and furrowing his brow. "But...you appeared so calm." 

"What? You think Vulcans have a monopoly on hiding their feelings? If you just see me as a histrionic hothead, you don't know me at all." 

Spock hung his head slightly. 

"Jim is a smart guy, but it takes him a while for things like this to hit him, and when it does, he's gonna need a friend...and I don't know if I'll be able to help him." Bones took a shaky breath. "I'm gonna try not to be scared of my best friend, but I can't promise anything. Despite what you're showing, I know you're going through the same things I am." 

"Why are you telling me this, Doctor?" Spock could not hide the shake in his voice. This is the first time McCoy had been so open with him.

"I can't tell anyone else, can I? If anyone gets privy to this..." Bones sighed. "I don't want to go there."


	4. Chapter 4

The talk of the ship for the next three weeks was the release of Higgins' personal journals. It turns out his twin sister was the classic perfectionist who made all A's in every grade, refusing to accept failure in her quest to become a xenobiologist for Starfleet. However, once she got into her first xeno class, she had a Vulcan instructor named Mr. Spock. Halfway through the semester, Lilly suffered a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide. The exact reasons for such a quick turnaround were known only to her, but many of her psychologists said it was a long time coming. 

Her brother did not see it that way. He blamed Spock. For a while, he was content to funnel his hate through his ties to extremist groups, whose numbers reached a peak after the Vulcanoid appearance of the Romulans was confirmed. However, the tide of public opinion shifted dramatically after the destruction of Vulcan and Spock's ascension alongside Kirk as the hero who saved Earth. This annoyed Higgins to no end. He decided to shift tactics, and devised the plan that had just been carried out, nearly killing the two CO's of the ship and their senior security officer.

Spock admitted the "accidental" release of the journals was morally questionable, but a distraction was required at this time to dilute any other rumors from taking on a dangerous life - particularly those about the captain. 

The Enterprise was set to dock at Starbase 47 in order to fix a climate system error that caused the deep freeze in the observation deck, which most of the crew hypothesized was an effort for Spock and Kirk to hide yet another ingenious scheme. Spock did not confirm or deny this rumor, and was thankful there was a prevailing theory to keep curious eyes away from their COs for a while.

Both the captain and the first officer were given time off to recover from their injuries. Kirk reportedly had dislocated a shoulder, and Spock had his obvious burn injury. Officially, Kirk was to be in physical therapy four times a week to get the arm back to full health. Mr. Spock would be conducting the therapy (a rough blow to the actual physical therapist that had been making eyes at Kirk for months) and the yoga class room in the gym was to be locked and cleared out for it to take place. Bones "let it slip" to Nurse Bailey that Kirk did not want to seem weak in front of the crew, so he made sure his therapy was private and seen only by his First. As the doctor predicted, the rumor spread to a concerned Carol Marcus, and within two days, the ship stopped asking about the strange circumstances of the captain's recovery. 

In reality, Kirk and Spock were together in the room practicing control exercises. The remaining day of the week was devoted to Bones running tests on his friend to determine the physiological cause for his new abilities. 

In the first week, the knowledge they gained was enormous. Bones discovered that Kirk's brain pulsed with a foreign energy that flowed through channels up and down both arms and exited through the hands. This energy acted on water, making the molecules huddle together in an artificial freeze. On top of this, the energy was a conduit for enhanced activity in the frontal lobe, which activated a form of telepathy that shaped the frozen water. The power had been making the water making up Kirk's body less heated, thereby lowering his body temperature. Although the energy pulsed through several parts of the brain, most was centered in the mid-brain, particularly the amigdela. There was indeed an emotional component to these powers, although the significant flow through the frontal lobe did show agency was possible. 

Neither Bones nor Spock had any idea why this energy commanded water in such a way, or if there was a reverse functionality that turned ice back into liquid. What they did know, though, was that the energy was indeed getting stronger. 

Kirk's first order of business was to replicate some completely waterproof gloves, which turned out to be effective at blocking the energy from coming into contact with outside moisture. The next was to begin mediation with Spock. Despite his earlier commitment, it only took three days for Jim to become impatient. 

"Spock, how is meditation going to help control my powers?" 

The Vulcan gritted his teeth as his instructions were interrupted yet again. He had already told the captain several times why the calming exercises were important to learn before anything else. Spock had taken several hours to modify the regimen for the human constitution, but even it proved to be too much for Kirk's active brain. However, modifying the exercises any more would significantly lessen their effectiveness. 

"Jim, I will not remind you again..." 

"Look, I heard what you said before, but I'm not seeing any difference in my 'balance' or whatever you call it." 

"It is my understanding humans are prone to rendering treatments ineffective simply by believing they will be ineffective. The results will change if you modify your attitude." 

"I can't just will myself to believe in meditation, Spock." 

"Jim, I must remind you that you volunteered for this. If I tell Dr. McCoy you are not cooperating, I can have you taken off the duty roster for longer than the allotted two weeks." 

Kirk opened his mouth to protest, but Spock quickly closed his eyes and stiffened his posture. The low grumble Kirk let out indicated he was ready to make a minor surrender. Spock knew he had the upper hand in this situation, despite the growing force lurking in beneath the captain’s palms. 

“Remember not to fight when thoughts come into your head, Jim,” Spock said in a measured tone. “I am told picturing your thoughts as puffs of smoke or clouds is helpful.” 

“I’m guessing the Vulcan brain doesn't need to do such primitive exercises to control their thoughts,” Kirk grumbled. 

Spock fought not to react physically to the condescending remark. The insults on his heritage were becoming more frequent and were chipping away at the safety Spock found in his friend’s presence. 

“Neither you or I can help our physiologies. I was merely making a suggestion.”

“Yeah, its not either of our faults that Vulcans are better than humans at every damn thing. Then again, that’s always the case, isn't it? Every species we meet is superior to us in some way. Stronger. Faster. Smarter. Humans can’t seem to find a single sentient race that doesn't outdo us.”

“Jim, these topics are not helpful.”

“What if they are to me, huh? I’ve been thinking about the powers - or lack thereof - we humans have. Maybe I get a little intimidated when I feel like the weakest guy in the room next to a Vulcan or a Klingon. Maybe having an advantage isn't so bad.” 

Spock was losing his iron patience as Kirk changed the subject and manipulated him into an intellectual conversation that would tear them away from their duty. 

“Having to constantly remind you of the agreement you made with both myself and Dr. McCoy not only takes away from our limited time together, but it also is a waste of resources since I know you recall the agreement clearly.”

“Be honest, Spock. You don’t like the fact I’m stronger than you.”

“We already broached this subject, Jim.”

“Yeah, and you’ve bullshit me every time.” 

“Vulcans cannot lie.” 

“See? You’re doing it again. If Vulcan’s can’t lie, then how come you haven't told me about Pon Farr?” 

Spock’s eyes shot open, his meditative state ruined. “How did you know about that?” 

Kirk hesitated. “It doesn't matter.”

“Did my counterpart tell you?” 

Kirk grinned, and Spock realized immediately his friend’s strategy had worked. 

“In a way,” Kirk replied. “He melded with me when we first met, and some stuff from his past slipped through. Apparently he almost killed the other me in his first Pon Farr.” 

Spock knew he might have to endure Pon Farr eventually, but the certainty was damning to his control. There would be no time to return to the adequate meditative state before their allotment was complete. 

“Captain, since you have successfully ceased our session, it is only logical I release you to the other pursuits that clearly weigh on your mind.” The statement came out colder than he had intended, but Kirk’s not-so-playful mind games were becoming tiresome, and again hurt the comfortable friendship they had established. A stray thought crossed the Vulcan’s mind that the cold that now reigned in Kirk’s body might be seeping into his mind, but the metaphorical resonance was too deep to logically exist in reality. 

“Jeeze, Spock. You don’t have to get pissy.” 

Now Kirk was implementing his haughty-yet-contrite voice. Fascinating. The captain recognized his manipulation, but not enough to acknowledge it for what it was. 

“Vulcans do not get ‘pissy,’” Spock insisted. “I believe the term is, ‘I am not mad, simply disappointed.'” 

“C’mon, Spock. You play mind games all the time.” 

“I do not..." Spock stopped himself before he got too deep in a back-and-forth. "You made an oath to both myself and Dr. McCoy.” 

Kirk sighed and held up his gloved hands. “I’m not going to freeze anything, Spock. If we could get past all this peace and tranquility shit, then we would actually get some work done.” 

“It is not ‘shit,’ Captain.” 

“See, I know you’re pissy now. When it's just the two of us, you never call me ‘Captain.’ Not anymore.” 

“If you are trying to elicit an emotional reaction from me…” 

“Oh, we’re way past that, Spock. You’re not going to force me to be you, especially when that damn facade of yours isn't as ironclad as you make it out to be. I’ll learn to use these powers on my own terms from now on.” 

“Jim,” Spock said, immediately rising to his feet. It was too late, though. Kirk had walked out of the room, making sure his boots made as much noise as possible when stomping on the ground. 

Spock released a breath he did not realize he was holding. He tried to beat back the hurt that threatened to rise in his chest at Kirk’s actions. He should have expected it. After all, Kirk frequently evaded Dr. McCoy in similar ways. Then again, he never accused McCoy of a superiority complex due to the doctor’s higher education. 

Spock had not time to waste. If he was not going to convince Kirk with logic, then he had to continue to use the only bit of leverage he had. 

oOoOo

Kirk collapsed on his bed, unable to contain the anger that welled up inside. The sense of satisfaction at having out-foxed his Vulcan friend was short-lived. It made him feel dirty, but he also could not be displeased with the result. 

The captain was sick and tired of being treated like a porcelain grenade. He was not some emotional time bomb that was going to turn the ship into an ice cube at the first opportunity. If that was not bad enough, Spock was acting like a fucking hypocrite. Telepathy. Pon Farr. Bonding. All of these things were potentially dangerous elements of the Vulcan being that could put every person on this ship in danger. But was Spock ragged on about it? Of course not. Kirk surmised that no matter how good of a Captain he was, his First Officer would always see him as the over-emotional repeat offender who cheated his damn test. 

The thought was immediately stilled by the clear-as-day memory of Spock’s face on...that day. The day he died. 

To this day, he had no idea why Scotty had called the First Officer down rather than Bones or…well…Bones. It was not like he and Spock’s relationship had been so remarkable that Scotty would insist he be there in Kirk’s last moments. However, Kirk knew why the moment he saw the look on Spock’s face. Their relationship had been sliced open like an autopsy and Kirk finally felt truly loved for the first time in his life. Spock was his friend. His brother. His other half. Spock nearly ripped Khan to shreds for him. Spock illogically stayed by his side for weeks when he was unconscious. Spock and him were…something special, and it took him dying to realize it. 

He should have known before, considering the conversations with the older Spock. There was something odd about the way the ambassador talked about his Jim. It held some form of reverence that Kirk knew he would never earn - from his Spock or anyone else. Then again, after the day in the warp core, his opinion changed. 

Kirk did a very undignified thing and stuffed his bed cover in his mouth to muffle his groans. He really was an ass. The closest relationship he had ever had, and he was sabotaging it. 

The love he and Spock had for each other was hard for him to define. There were times when he wondered if there was an underlying sexual component, but there seemed to be a sniper in his brain shooting down any thought that went in that direction. Kirk had never been with or loved a man before (granted, he had never loved a woman either, but at least he wasn't a virgin with them). This was probably the reminder that this unabashedly straight guy was probably not going to start making out with his male best friend anytime soon. Besides, Kirk felt like reducing their friendship to a mere sexual element cheapened it. Bones would probably say that was because all of Kirk’s sexual relationships thus far had been cheap. 

Kirk sighed and ripped off one of his gloves. He needed to get his mind off his mixed-up feelings and indulge in his new favorite hobby. His hand was glowing, which showed his emotions were in need of release. He concentrated and watched as a swirl of blue energy lifted into the air and danced above his head, causing the tiny water droplets in the air to freeze and shimmer like glitter before peppering Kirk’s face. 

The control over this power had been growing along with it’s strength, which was part of the frustration. Kirk knew Spock and Bones would only keep the captain’s chair away from him even longer if they knew he was practicing without their guidance. This was probably something he should share with them, but the old Jim Kirk defiance refused to let him. He might have been defensive when first confronted about the powers by his friends, but now he truly believed he would be okay with them. His behavior would likely not help his case, but there was no other way Kirk could get room to breathe. 

The chime of his private comm unit called for his attention. Kirk rolled his eyes as he extinguished his hands and trotted over to the vid screen to see who was calling. Admiral Komack. Great. Thankfully, it was not a request for a live chat, but rather a text message with an attachment. 

Kirk was unsure as to why he was getting a private message when the Admirality usually wanted to talk face-to-face, but he guessed it was because of his current medical leave. the captain opened the message and saw a link to a Federation News Wire. Odd. 

Kirk opened up the link and was taken aback at the headline. The first bolded word that registered in his brain was “Tarsus IV.” 

The captain’s jaw was on the floor as he read the rest of the story, as well as the brief message the Admiral added to the top: “Would you be willing to come back on early?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for their awesome comments! It's a great motivator. I'm coming to the end of what I have already written, but the rest of the story is coming along at a steady pace. As with everything I write, it is becoming longer than I intended, but I think that is for the best.

“Doctor, the only logical meaning behind this situation is a sort of dark humor is being perpetrated against us.” 

McCoy’s face showed the obvious signs of lack of sleep, his mouth twisted into a frustrated scowl. 

“I wish they were kidding, but the new queen-governor-whatever of Tarsus IV apparently insisted Jim be at the visit. Not only is he a survivor of the genocide, but also the Starfleet poster boy in cultural competence. I don’t know why our Admirality would not have the foresight to say ‘Hell no,’ but I guess this project is too important to consider feelings.”

Spock could not hide his disgust for the new orders Kirk had informed them of mere hours ago. The formerly decimated planet of Tarsus IV was supposed to be left uninhabited for all time - partially as a memorial, but mostly because the fungus that caused the deadly famine was far too prominent to risk another settlement. However, in the past three years, a secret project was in the works to resettle Tarsus IV thanks to a new anti-fungal plant food and an ambitious scientist with utopian ambitions and a knack for symbolic feats. Three days ago, the announcement was made that Tarsus IV had been resettled. There was a new city thirty kilometers away from the original, and the old governor's mansion and capital of the first settlement were being preserved as a museum and memorial to the dead. Normally, Vulcans - Spock included - could not see the logic in such displays. They could not bring back the deceased and only put off the inevitable disappearance of the event from collective memory. 

Spock could not share the opinion this time, not after seeing the look on Kirk’s face when he relayed the news. 

In the hours since their last disastrous session, he and McCoy agreed to extend Kirk’s suspension until he came to his senses. That was until they discovered command ordered Kirk to lead the Enterprise’s delegation to the new colony. 

“Jim did tell me he knew my suspension wouldn't stick,” McCoy grumbled. “I’m sure this isn't what he had in mind, though.” 

“Indeed,” Spock said. As much as he desired for Kirk to be humbled, this was the last thing he wanted. Kirk had confided in him his experience on the colony mere months ago, and only after he got drunk on the anniversary of his rescue. After Kirk got sober, he filled in the gaps his inebriated brain left out. He had to be held down while his aunt and uncle were shot and killed. He was about to taken to the mansion and forced into the service that would initiate more deaths. He escaped and had to survive in the woods for two months before the Federation came and found him. After Kirk told his story, their relationship turned yet another corner. 

“Surely they cannot make him attend this event while he is still on medical leave,” Spock said, his voice on the edge of pleading.

Bones gave a sad laugh. “I guess that was the flaw in our plan. A dislocated shoulder is barely a reason to miss something this momentous.”

“No doubt they considered the possible emotional compromise this would inflict on the captain.”

“I tried to bring that up, but they told Jim all he would have to do is show up and that’s it. He doesn’t even have to stay for the reception.”

Spock was showing admirable restraint despite his frustration with the admiralty and their short-sighted assignment. “Doctor, we might need to inform them of the captain’s new…predicament.” 

“We should have told them in the first place, Spock, but we did what we always did and tried to protect Jim. We both know what's going to happen if they find out.” Bones sighed and rubbed his face. “Maybe that would have been for the best.”

“No,” Spock insisted once he realized the truth of McCoy's words. The idea of Kirk being taken away from the ship to be turned into a laboratory experiment was unacceptable. “We must ensure nothing will happen to him if we tell them.” 

“Spock, they’re not just going to let that go. Starfleet has had enough experience with super-humans to be wary of any supernatural powers finding their way into human hands. They already see Jim as a hothead - and they’re right. Based on what you told me about today's stunt, he’s already getting a rebellious streak about this.”

The prominent image in Spock’s mind was from the disastrous trip to the galactic barrier in the first month of their mission. “Jim is not Gary Mitchell.”

“Nice to see the vote of confidence Spock.” 

The Vulcan suppressed a startled jump as he heard Kirk’s acidic voice from just beyond McCoy’s office door. Spock turned to greet the captain as he walked in the room with barely concealed sadness. 

“The fact that you don’t think I’m a barely-concealed psychopath makes me want to blush.” 

“Jim…”

“And you almost sounded emotional, too. What a treat.”

“For God’s sake man,” McCoy said with frustration. “Will you stop acting like a child for one second?”

Kirk looked like he was about to say something else, but he stopped himself. Closing his eyes, Kirk said, “Sorry, I shouldn't have said that.”

“Damn right you shouldn't have, just like you shouldn't have been an ass to Spock earlier.” 

Spock blushed. “Doctor, I do not need you to…” 

“You’re right.” 

Spock looked to Kirk and saw that he had averted his eyes to the floor and was picking at the hem of one of his leather gloves. Indeed, there was a humble air to his friend that caused an invisible burden to lift from Spock’s shoulders. He had noticed the bulwarks of his childhood - the ones that protected his katra from his peers’ insults - had erected themselves anew in the past week. They again relaxed in seeing that the captain was no longer on the offensive and looking to attack the most vulnerable point on Spock’s person. 

“I’m sorry, Spock,” Kirk said unnecessarily. “I guess…I kind of need you now. Hell, I need you all the time, but…especially now.” 

Spock nodded once, despite Kirk’s continued gaze toward the floor. “They should not have forced you to do this, Jim.”

“I know,” Kirk said. “But I had to face this sooner or later. It might as well be now.” 

“This isn’t just about Tarsus,” McCoy interjected. “It’s about those snow powers you have. What happens if you lose your shit while you're down there?” 

“That’s what the gloves are for, Bones,” Kirk sighed. 

“The powers are irrelevant,” Spock insisted. “Jim is correct in that his gloves should be able to protect him from an unwanted outburst, but it is the emotional state of the captain that is of utmost concern.” At the furrow of McCoy’s brow, Spock continued. “I will admit, humans have a sensitive mind when it comes to trauma. I would not have come to understand it had my planet not been destroyed. Reminders of the event left me feeling ill, unable to function. Surak’s tenets teach that it is illogical to allow events of the past to taint the present. That might be possible for full-blooded Vulcans to implement, but not for me. The past poisons my present every day that I reach for the telepathic mass consciousness of my people, and meet a sliver of what once was.

"I believe you remember my insistence on freezing the volcano on Nibiru, or my adamance we kill Lieutenant Mitchell, or..."

"Nearly ripping Khan's head off?" Kirk added in a neutral tone. 

Spock did not want to remember this incident, since it was the worst lapse of control he can ever remember having - this included choking Jim and breaking Stonn's nose. However, it could not be totally blamed on the loss of his planet. True, Spock did not want to lose yet another person close to him, but there was something more feral about his anger at that moment. Spock closed his eyes and tried to compartmentalize the memory so he could think on it again at a later date.

“Spock, you don't have to be that way.” Jim said in a resigned tone. “Humans aren't as fragile as you seem to think. You went to the groundbreaking ceremony for New Vulcan, didn’t you?”

Spock pursed him lips. “If you recall, many of my people felt it was illogical to have such a ceremony, but Starfleet insisted.”

“But you still went. They still went. The other you went. Surak was right. I can’t let the past keep poisoning my future.” 

Bones guffawed. “Do you think going to going to that damn planet is going to make it any better?” 

“It…might help me move on.”

“Jim, you have moved on! You're captain of the Enterprise! You’re…” Jim let out a sad laugh that stopped Mccoy’s rant in it’s tracks. 

“Do you really think I’m fine in the head, Bones? I haven't had any real relationships - present company excluded. I still have nightmares...” 

“What? Why the hell didn't you tell me?” 

Jim shrugged. 

“Jesus. How often?" 

Jim flinched. "It doesn't matter." 

McCoy sighed as Spock glanced at both men, hoping he would be included on the hidden narrative that was behind the altercation. Unfortunately, it was not to be. 

"Well, even if you still have issues to work through, it doesn't mean you're not functional. Going to that planet is not going to be a magical cure for the damage that's left.” 

“I must agree, Jim. When I went to the ceremony for New Vulcan, there were no memories associated with the chosen planet. Besides, Vulcan brains do not have their memory center physically near their sense of smell or sight as humans do.” 

Jim let out an amused laugh. Spock then realized he made yet another Vulcan-human comparison that could support what Jim had been accusing for days. 

The captain ran his hands through his hair. “Look, admiralty wants me to go, and I’ve accepted. It’s gonna be an hour of my life that I will forget about in a few months. I don’t even have to do anything, just show up.” 

"You don't have to show up at all! I know you, Jim. You can't possibly think that resettling that planet is a good idea.”

"Do you think everyone should have left Germany after the Holocaust?" 

McCoy sighed. "If you recall, a lot of the Jews did leave. They went to Israel after the war. The fact they went to a place where they were bombed all the time showed how much they wanted out of that country.”

Spock still did not take the explanation for what it was worth. He did not want to admit having a bad feeling about this entire situation as it was illogical to rely on often-faulty intuition. Even using pure logic, however, he could not defend the captain attending at all, but if he must, Spock was determined he would not go alone.

“If you insist on going,” Spock said. “Then I will attend with you.” 

Jim’s face tightened for a fraction of a second, as if he was going to order Spock to let him be, but then he seemed to think better of it and stand down. 

McCoy sighed and threw up his hands. “I guess I’m going, too, then,” McCoy then pointed his finger at Jim. “However, we will be talking about these nightmares. Just because you're the captain doesn't mean I cant force you into some therapy. Besides,” he tilted his head toward Spock. “after what you said to the hobgoblin earlier, you’ll be needing some head shrinking anyway.” 

Jim made a show of rolling his eyes before leaving the room. Both of the men left behind clenched as they saw him leave. It appeared that McCoy shared Spock’s gut reservations. 

The doctor sighed. "I don't give a shit about this damn hibernation. I'm calling the Asseens right now." 

"It will do no good, Doctor." 

McCoy frantically typed on his PADD, likely making a text communication. ”Well, I have to do something! I don't give a damn about those gloves. I can't ignore what he's capable of." 

"Granted, he did seem calm just now - calmer than he should be." 

"Exactly, which means it will be ten times worse when he finally does blow up. You should have seen him at the Academy, Spock." McCoy paused to take a deep breath, trying not to get lost in the memory. "If his current nightmares are at the level they were when I first met him..." McCoy did not finish that sentence. 

Spock tightened his face. McCoy had seen a side of Jim he could not touch. Something inside the Vulcan’s katra mourned at this, although he was unsure why. McCoy had known Jim back when he was transitioning from the angry young delinquent into the man who would become captain, so it was logical he would witness those growing pains first hand. Still, something in Spock illogically wished he could have been there for his friend in those trying times…not that he could have done a better job than McCoy. 

Did he just hesitate inside his own mind? 

oOoOo

“Come in,” Kirk shouted from the inside of his quarters. His tone was far more neutral than their situation dictated, and it made the Vulcan’s guard go up rather than down. When the door opened, he saw Kirk tightening the collar on his dress uniform and looking at himself in the full length mirror. Spock lifted an eyebrow at the choice of dress since the ship’s evening had just fallen (as evidenced by the dimmed lights in the hallway) and there were no formal events planned for tonight.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Kirk said as he caught the Vulcan’s gaze in the mirror. “I haven't worn this in two months. I’ve gained some muscle since then and I want to make sure it still fits.”

“I did not say anything about your choice of attire, Captain, although I am curious…” Again, his intellect had faltered as he remembered the ceremony they had just spoken of was occurring in two days. 

“About what?” Kirk asked with a thin layer of hostility weaved in the words. 

Spock stepped inside the room, allowing the door to close. He was unsure what brought the anger out of the captain again when they appeared to have reconciled. More conversation was needed between them. 

Kirk turned away from the mirror so that he was facing Spock full on. He looked incredibly dignified in the stern outfit as he stood at parade rest. If the dirty blonde hair were not unkept, Spock would have believed he was about to officiate a crew’s wedding ceremony. Of course, there would not be this much tension in the captain’s body if he were about to lead such an occasion. 

“What do you want, Spock?” 

Again, the tone had a degree of anger, although there was a larger amount of exasperation in the tone. 

“I was merely concerned with your…well-being.” 

Kirk let out a breath and let his posture slump. He took his hands - now sans gloves - and rubbed his eyes. Despite himself, Spock flinched. 

“I saw that,” Kirk sighed. He turned to the nearby vanity and slipped the black gloves back on. “You know, I wasn’t going to tell you this, but I have been practicing.”

“By yourself?” 

Kirk rolled his eyes again. “Yes, Mufasa. I went to the dark shadowy place. I know you're shocked that I didn't get attacked by hyenas, but…” Kirk stopped when he saw Spock’s blank face. “I guess I forgot to show you The Lion King on our movie nights. Too bad. I can totally see you saying, ‘you must never go there, Simba.’”

“Jim, this is serious.” 

“I know that.” He ripped a glove off, causing Spock to take an instinctive step back. Kirk froze as soon as he saw this, and Spock willed himself to relax. 

“You don’t visit me to just check on my well-being, Spock. You’re worried I’m gonna flip my shit.” 

Spock tilted his head, finally satisfied he looked sufficiently neutral. “I am not admitting that is the reason I came to see you, but your recent conduct has not been encouraging.” 

“If you and Bones were not so fucking smothering, then I would be a lot more willing to listen. You know me, Spock. You know how I operate.” 

“Yes, I do. I am also…concerned for you.” Kirk visibly softened, but only minutely. “Your behavior toward Ensign Higgins was uncharacteristic of your nature. You appeared…power-hungry.” 

Kirk opened his mouth, but it was a fill 2.6 seconds before he said something. “You know you don’t have to call someone by their title when they are in the brig.” 

“Jim…” 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Kirk clenched his bare hand into a fist. “And…you’re right, okay? That…scared me, too.” 

“I am gratified.” 

“But you have to see it from my perspective. You were right before. I’m not Gary Mitchell. I’ve been doing some soul searching, and I know for sure these powers are connected to emotions, but it’s more like the battery in old-fashioned automobiles.” 

Kirk’s speaking pace became more rapid as he started to explain, and Spock knew better than to interrupt. 

“The battery didn’t run the car, but it did get it started. My emotions give the first jolt, but my will does the steering. Take a look.” 

Kirk opened his hand and aimed it to the side. Immediately, sparkles coalesced into a single point, and out of that point grew a sphere of what looked like ice. Spock should have been concerned over this display, but the incredible precision of what was forming intrigued the Vulcan. The sphere was morphing into a shape that became a small scale model of the Enterprise. The creation floated above Kirk’s hand and slowly rotated in the air. 

Spock was transfixed. “You…have learned to do such things in a week?” 

“Don’t sound so surprised, Spock,” Kirk said as he let the model fly around the room. “I was pretty much in awe of the houses the Asseens built out of ice, but I guess it was not as hard as we thought.” 

“I am not surprised, Jim,” Spock said, ignoring the second part of the statement. “Your intellect is substantial, but this is an incredible feat. I doubt even Vulcans could accomplish this.” 

The ship flew toward Spock and hovered about a half meter in front of his nose. He did not have the same tactile proclivities as his captain, but the urge to reach out and touch was immense. The ice was clear, as if frozen in bitter cold, and glistened in the light of the room. The small details of the Enterprise, such as the serial number, the ridges in the warp engines, and the windows were present. There was even a light blue glow inside the warp engines and in the tiny impressions of windows. The ship almost looked…alive. 

“Since a Vulcan has never had powers like this, I guess we’ll never know.” Kirk said. The captain walked toward his creation until he was close enough to touch it. Kirk slid a gloved finger over the grooves on the side of the saucer. He then reached his arms out and allowed the craft to land in his arms. 

Kirk looked up to his friend in a manner that Spock could not turn away from. The electric blue of his eyes seemed to shimmer as light bounced off the glossy surface of the model on onto his irises. “I can handle this, Spock.” 

Spock could not deny this, but there were enough nagging doubts that he was uncomfortable simply giving his approval. That said, Spock surmised he had made enough statements about the dangers of this situation, and they were clearly affecting their relationship. While Spock believed in the rightness of his concerns, saying something now would only fall on deaf ears, and might continue to tarnish the friendship they have built. Besides, the gloves had proven to be enough that Kirk would not need to worry about powers getting out of control, at least on Tarsus. Kirk had also displayed an impressive amount of agency after having these powers a short time. 

Maybe Spock had been wrong in being so hard on his friend. Was fear truly driving him? His automatic reactions supported this. Jim had so far only shown lack of control on the first day of having this power, and since then there have been no further incidents. Spock once again had to face the possibility he did have a bias against the captain because he was human. The disturbing possibility pushed Spock to suppress what his feelings were telling him right now and simply trust his friend. 

“I believe you,” Spock said slowly. 

Kirk sighed in relief and flashed a large smile at him. He went to grab the Vulcan’s shoulder, but then stopped himself. “Thank you, Spock.” 

The Vulcan nodded. “You are welcome, Captain.” 

“And…I really am sorry about earlier. Bringing up Pon farr…I know how hard that must be to talk about, and that was low. I really value our friendship, Spock. I don’t want to lose what we have. I know you’ve had to deal with shit from a lot of people about who you are, and I don’t want to be one of them.” 

“I…thank you, Jim. I…value our friendship as well.” 

“Good,” Jim laughed. He shifted his focus back down to the replica of his beloved ship. The atmosphere between them was charged, and Spock knew this was not the end of this particular disagreement, but at least they had found a happy medium. 

“If you will excuse me, Jim, I must go an meditate before I retire.” 

The formal language made Jim smile 44.7 percent of the time, and this time was among that percentage. 

“Yeah, you go do that.” Something in Kirk’s voice seemed sad, but Spock tried not to think on it too much. There were plenty of reasons why Kirk might be sad right now, but Spock did not believe it was the time or the place to talk about them. Besides, there was clearly elements of Tarsus Jim had not told him. Kirk would likely rather talk about his trauma with someone who could emotionally respond to him, like McCoy. 

Again, jealousy fluttered in Spock’s stomach, and he knew then he must take his leave. It was not only illogical, but ridiculous to allow any envy about this matter. Jim was his friend. His relationship with others did not change that. Most humans had many close friends rather than just one, and Vulcans did as well. His intellect was too advanced to behave like he should be the only friend Kirk trusted. It made sense for Kirk to confide in McCoy, especially since they had known each other longer and they were both humans. Vulcans did not discuss such things because telepathy made it unnecessary, but he had nonetheless discussed very personal topics with the captain. At first he had done it because he felt this was necessary for friendship, but later Spock realized there was indeed a therapeutic quality to having others know his pain.

Before he knew it, Spock was in front of his quarters, having been lost in his thoughts so much that he did not remember walking out of the captain’s room. Meditation was desperately needed. 

oOoOo

Three hours later, Spock concluded his meditation and again reached a sense of internal equilibrium, having stamped out the infantile emotions that were causing havoc toward others. He was about to rise and begin his sleeping rituals when he heard a soft moan from Kirk’s quarters. 

Since they were connected by a shared bathroom, there were many noises that slipped through, especially if Kirk had a sexual partner for the night. Spock had learned to ignore the noises, but this one was particularly troubling. The word “no” was hidden among moans, and talk about nightmares earlier made Spock particularly concerned. 

If Spock could not help Kirk though talk, then maybe he could help him in sleep. He did not know how yet, since he did not want to meld with the Captain while he was unconscious, but…

No, this was illogical. There was nothing he could do since there was no way the captain could consent right now. 

But what if he was not wearing his gloves? 

The ice powers were fueled by emotions, and the emotions of a nightmare could have unintended consequences. 

Spock was sure Kirk would wear his gloves to bed if he knew his sleep was disturbed, but it was only logical to make sure. While the captain was confined to his room, there was little chance the freeze would have any problematic effects, but there was sensitive equipment in his room and replacing it would be a large expense as well an inconvenience. 

Spock did something he rarely did and walked to his captain’s room through the shared bathroom as opposed to the hall. The air in the room was biting cold, but there was no sign of ice or snow. Once he walked into the sleeping alcove and had visual confirmation of the captain, he saw there were no gloves on the captain’s hands. Spock wanted badly to sigh, but he refrained. The hours of meditation he had completed were about to be rendered moot due to his growing annoyance over the captain’s foolishness. 

The Vulcan pushed this aside for the moment. The look on the sleeping human’s face was clearly pained and clenched in fear. The captain had no sheets, and was lying on his stomach wearing only sleeping pants. his fists were clenched and his body was splayed and writhing, as if being held down. 

Spock knew Kirk’s subconscious was likely projecting further horror from what he had experienced on Tarsus. Spock stepped forward, determined to wake the captain. Yes, he wanted the gloves back on, but Spock could not deny he wanted to release his friend from the terror he was forced to endure again, likely strengthened by the new reminders forced upon him. 

Spock later admitted he was not thinking fully at the time. He stepped forward and did the first thing that had woke Kirk in the past - he placed a hand on the human’s upper back. 

The next thing Spock felt was a pain in his shoulder, and an all-encompassing cold that spread through his body within a second. He was forced backward into the nearby partition, causing more pain to shoot through him at the impact. However, he could not react, and not due to his Vulcan discipline. He was - quite literally - frozen.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a short one, but I am hoping to have the next one make up for it.

The beeping comm was not an unusual wake-up call for Leonard McCoy, but it was one that always caused a curse to the heavens and incoherent mumbling for at least five seconds. 

“If another ensign has stubbed his goddamn toe on the goddamn warp core I’m gonna bust his goddamn face in and I don’t care if I lose my medical license…” 

The grumbling continued until his hand made contact with the wall mount, he took a deep breath, and schooled his voice into his best professional tone. “McCoy here.” 

“Bones!” The shout came before the doctor had even finished his sentence. Kirk’s voice contained not an ounce of self-confidence. Granted, much of the swagger the captain projected was put-on as it was, but this time Kirk did not even try to sound in control. He sounded like he had totally lost it. 

“Jim! What’s wrong?” McCoy was unsuccessfully trying to hold back panic as he answered. 

The captain took a long shaky breath. “Spock…my quarters…hurry…!” 

McCoy chided himself when the first image that popped into his head was a mutual BDSM session gone wrong. A lurch in his stomach was all that was needed to focus his priorities. “What happened?” 

“It…it was an accident. I hit him with…please hurry!” 

Jim’s powers. That had to be it. That cocky son-of-a-bitch had finally done it this time. McCoy tried to tamp down the fear that something serious had happened to Spock. Not only would a friend of McCoy’s be lost, but Kirk would be an absolute mess if he had done something to hurt the man who was quickly overtaking his mantle as “the captain’s best friend.” 

“Calm down, Jim. I’m on my way.” He did not wait for a reply before he ran out the door. 

oOoOo

Short of a red alert, Kirk could not remember a time he woke up quicker. The sound of his thin divider cracking was the real catalyst. Then he realized his arm was extended, his palm forward, and energy dribbling back down his arm like water in a brooke. It was then he saw Spock sliding to the ground and clutching his shoulder, his entire body a picture of shock - eyes wide, mouth agape, body trembling. His skin had taken on pallor that was too pale to be natural. Brown veins stood out on his hands much more than previous. However, the most obvious change were two snow-white streaks that stretched from the scalp of Spock’s bowl cut to the tips that framed his bangs almost perfectly. 

At first glance, Spock looked dead, and the bottom had fallen out of Kirk’s universe. 

“Oh God,” Kirk said once life returned to his body. “Oh…oh my…Spock?” 

The Vulcan did not answer. He did not even physically acknowledge that he heard his name being spoken. 

Kirk was struck speechless as he ran his fingers through his hair. His first instinct was to run toward his friend, but he stopped himself. As his heartbeat quickened, he could feel the power crawling back down his arms. He could feel the room temperature dropping. He tried to will it to stop, but it would not, and as the energy continued to gather, the fear increased exponentially. 

The captain knew he was hyperventilating, and he knew frost was spreading across the sheets he was currently fisting. He was the captain of a goddamn starship. He had been in situations like this before. Spock had been injured before…

But it had never been his fault. 

The instinct to put his face in his hands was quickly squelched. Any wrong move could destroy the one person he…

An automatic reaction made Kirk stop the sentence. He could not stay here forever, but he also did not know how to help Spock without making things worse. In all his practice, he had never figured out how to dispel the ice he created. Everything he made had to melt on it’s own, although it rarely did in his presence. He had discretely thrown at least ten ice formations into the the ship sauna in the past three days. 

Kirk could not look at Spock, but he did glance toward the black gloves lying on his nightstand. 

“Okay,” he whispered to himself. “First order of business…get gloves.” 

By now, even the slightest shift of his body on the bed caused audible crackling. He had already turned his sheets to ice, and he could see the intricate fingers of frost creeping up the wall behind the headboard. Panic surged through him, which only seemed to speed the pace of the creeping ice. If he could not stop the frost from coming, Spock would be frozen to death if he was not already. The image of Spock trying in vain to endure the cold on Aran VI was fresh in his memory. 

Kirk slid across the bed, making sure to keep his palms in contact with the surface of his comforter. Once he got within arm’s reach of the nightstand, he counted down in his head before making a quick leap toward the gloves. 

Separating his hands from the surface had as much dreadful anticipation as jumping out of a starship, but thankfully he grabbed his gloves and put them on in record time with only a minor drop in temperature around him, and he finally felt safe glancing toward Spock. 

The Vulcan did not look as pale as before, and his eyes had closed, but his appearance was nonetheless frightening. Kirk grabbed his portable comm from the nightstand and quite literally jumped to land on his knees in front of Spock. The cold had not reached the device yet and it was still in working order. At least there was that. 

Kirk pressed his forearm against the man’s forehead. The skin was ice cold to the touch. Panic gripped him again as his lungs squeezed out the air. Kirk shifted his arm to the front of Spock’s nose. The brush of air against his skin told him the Vulcan was still breathing,me even this encouraging sign could not ease the panic. 

“Calm down, Kirk!” he shouted at himself, although it came out as more of a wheeze. “You’re not going to help anyone like this!” He had his gloves on, he was going to be okay. The freeze had stopped spreading across the room, and now was the time to fix this…mess he made. 

Kirk had to stop and take two deep breaths before he could even remember Bones’ comm frequency was on his speed dial. The second he heard the doctor’s voice, words spilled out of him in a nonsensical manner. He managed Spock’s name and their location, and that was enough to get Bones going. It was not his most captain-like moment, but it got the job done. 

“Bones is coming, Spock,” he relayed. As expected, Spock did not respond. His eyes were still closed, and his left hand had a loose grip on the opposite shoulder. His breathing was slow, steady, and more visible than it had been seconds ago. The captain had read about Vulcan healing trances, and wondered if this was one, but he figured he would let Bones make that diagnosis. Kirk wanted to look at the shoulder and see exactly how much damage he had done, but he could not bring himself to touch his friend. He could not even bring himself to move closer. 

“I’m sorry,” Kirk said, hoping the other man could hear him. The captain’s throat closed up as he thought on the attempts Spock made to make him take these powers seriously. Kirk thought he had proven him wrong, but maybe he was the wrong one. As usual, he jumped in without thinking. He wanted to believe he could hold such a dangerous ability. In his head, he knew it could backfire, but so could giving the captaincy to a novice right out of the Academy. That worked out, despite every voice - including Kirk himself - saying it would not happen. Now he was respected by his crew, and had proven the detractors wrong. 

Unless it was not his accomplishment at all. Where would he be without Spock, and his sound advice to balance out his brash decisions? What if Spock had died tonight? It would have been his fault, in more ways than one. Hell, he could still be in danger of dying. It was not like all his color had returned. 

Kirk could feel the burning in his eyes, and growled as his grief screamed to make itself known. Holding back his tears would have been much easier if the pulsing energy had not started to travel down his arms and push against his palms, desperate for an outlet. 

He pushed himself to his feet, trying his hardest to calm himself. While the tears eased, the energy did not. If anything, it became worse. 

“I should’ve listened to you,” Kirk whispered to his friend before stomping over to his living space. He could not look at the reminder of his failure right now. “This shit’s worse than I thought. Goddammit.” Kirk was talking to no one in particular, and had started to lose feeling on the tips of his fingers from how tight his fists were. 

The captain was facing the wall as the door swished open and McCoy barreled inside. 

“Where is he?” he asked immediately. 

“By the bed.” The captain did not turn to greet the doctor. 

There was a slight hesitation (probably Bones trying to decide if Kirk’s emotional state needed immediate attention) then a quick shuffle of boots followed by the crunch of said boots hitting the accumulated frost. 

“What the…” Kirk did not hear any more reaction, and was not nearby to watch Bones’ expressive body language. He could only imagine the sad shake of the head, indicating how he knew he was right all along, and that Kirk’s irresponsibility could have killed someone this time. 

“Trust me, I know that already,” Kirk whispered out loud. 

“Jim, stop wallowing and get over here!” Bones said after a minute. 

Kirk’s heart sped up at the idea of returning to his friend’s side. Bones’ voice was not grave, so Spock was going to be okay. Still, Kirk did not know if he had the gall to face the Vulcan yet.

“C’mon, Jim. It was an accident. You said it yourself.” 

Kirk laughed humorlessly. “It was still my fault, Bones.” 

“Well, he’s gonna be okay either way. I’m not gonna lie to you, he would have been a goner if you had hit his brain or his heart, but his temperature is improving with every heartbeat, so his internal heater is doing all the work. He looks like he's in a healing trance, although I don’t think it would be totally necessary in this case. I’ve seen him hurt a lot worse.” 

Yeah, usually because he’s trying to save my ass, Kirk thought. The captain always chided his First Officer for getting a Christ complex on away missions, but it would not be necessary if his captain did not do stupid shit on a daily basis. Granted, he had risked his life for Spock plenty, but that was usually for circumstances beyond the Vulcan’s control. 

“Jim, dammit, will you get your panties out of a wad and help me with your friend?” 

“I’m only gonna make things worse.” 

“My God, Jim.” The lack of slight echo told the captain McCoy had gotten up from behind the partition and was approaching him. 

“Don’t,” Kirk said, turning around. His fists were tucked under his arms, and he would not be surprised if his fingernails were drawing blood even through the gloves. Kirk’s arms were almost burning with the power that sought release. He tried to breath and force it away, but all he could picture was the blue light tearing through his gloves and killing Bones. This was enough to make any calming exercise futile. 

“Please, don’t say I told you so,” Kirk pleaded, not meeting the doctor’s eyes. 

“That’s not what I was going to say,” McCoy said in a calm voice. Kirk did not miss the slight tremble, though. His friend was afraid. Of him. 

The room got colder. 

“Jim,” Bones’ voice was a pinch more frantic. “I need you to c-calm down.”

The shivering was from the cold, which Kirk knew Bones did not have a great tolerance for, but fear had to be a part of it. He backed against the wall, he breath becoming fast again.

“I have…I have my gloves on.” 

“Well, apparently that doesn't matter anymore.” 

“Oh God,” Kirk’s voice broke. He wished he could curl into a ball and just disappear. Either that or rip open the skin of his arms to make the force within stop coming. 

“It shouldn't be that way…it shouldn’t…” 

“It’s...it's just the cold. There are no magical ice flows popping up, so I’d say the gloves are still working. Look, I have a sedative I can give you…” 

“Then why not just give it to me?” Kirk knew there was more venom in that question than necessary, but he knew Bones was never shy about hypos, and rarely gave warning. 

“Well, I didn’t want to startle you with…” 

“Why bring a sedative in the first place? Did you think I would be hard to handle?”

Bones paused before saying, “You’re not helping anyone right now, especially Spock. Do you think your attitude is helping him get better?” 

Kirk shook his head. Of course not. 

“Good. Now, I have the hypo in my hand, and I’m gonna put it in your neck, okay? Let’s hope it’s not frozen yet.” 

It was not, judging by the hiss. Immediately, the energy retreated, but Kirk’s legs could no longer hold him up and he collapsed to the ground before unconsciousness claimed him. 

oOoOo

McCoy tried not to feel relief when Kirk hit the ground. The room became warmer once the ship’s heaters overpowered whatever Kirk had conjured…

The doctor knew immediately that was a bad choice of words. 

“Doctor?” 

McCoy let out a sigh as he turned around. Spock was on his feet - barely. He was leaning against the edge of the partition and breathing hard. “Dammit, Spock, sit back down.” 

“I am sufficiently healed.”

“Like hell you are,” McCoy unhooked the wand of his tricorder again and ran it over the Vulcan once he got in range. “That had to be the shortest healing trance in the history of your pointed-eared race.” 

“I was not in a healing trance, Doctor. I was made unconscious when Jim first…” Spock hesitated, which was unusual enough that McCoy felt guilty commenting on it. 

“You don’t have to sugarcoat anything. I know what he did. I hope this lights a fire under his ass to make his stop this ‘fight the power’ bullshit.” 

“Doctor, I fear this will do more than that. I heard your exchange just now. Have you ever heard Jim so fearful and defensive?” 

McCoy did not hesitate. “Yup. I’m surprised it took you so long to get a glimpse.” McCoy clicked the wand back into place after digesting the readings. “You’re not anywhere close to one hundred percent healed. You need to sit the hell down.” 

Spock stiffened. “I will once you get our captain off the floor.” 

McCoy rolled his eyes. “Don’t lecture me on proper patient care. It’s a little hard to take care of you both if I have to practically play Whack-a-mole to keep you both resting.” The doctor punched the red button on the top of his tricorder that would alert his on-call nurse that he needed a stretcher. "There. We're taking him to Sickbay. I'll be ordering you to go if you don't cooperate. I could very well use my tricorder readings to justify giving you a black mark for not attending to your medical needs." 

"There is no such reprimand, Doctor." 

"Not yet. Don't think I won't raise hell with our bosses." 

At that moment, two nurses with an anti-grav stretcher made their way into the quarters. McCoy turned to greet them. 

"The captain has been sedated. Take him to his private bed and put him in a long-sleeved robe. Whatever you do, don't take his gloves off." 

"But Doctor..." 

"You heard me, nurse. Unless you're planning on using an old-fashioned IV, that should not be a problem."

The male nurse - Hans if McCoy remembered correctly - appeared confused. "Sir, we don't know what's wrong with him besides being sedated." 

That was a valid point, but McCoy didn't have time to engage it right now. Both nurses we're trying to look past his shoulder toward the sleeping area. 

"I know what's wrong with him, but I don't want it spreading around the ship. Just get him in the stretcher and get him to sick bay. And make sure to be quiet about it. I don't want anyone waking up and their captain unconscious." 

McCoy said it in a way that had an underlying message of, "if you don't do as I say you'll never work in a medical setting again." The message got through and they loaded the shirtless captain on the platform and in seconds had him out the door. 

As the stretcher was leaving, McCoy turned back to Spock, who's eyes were glued to the retreating form of the supine captain. His eyes portrayed so many things at once: sadness, fear, anger, longing...

_Longing?_

McCoy looked again, but sure enough it was there. He did not know what he and Jim were up to in here before the accident, but suddenly the possibilities opened up to more...intimate activities. 

_I guess my best friend status is safe after all_ , McCoy thought. _Spock is clearly much more than that to Jim._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am currently recovering from getting a bunch of money stolen from me, which left me internet-less for a while. I am also in the process of my end of the month reports for my job, so thats why it took me a while to get this chapter up. However, I hope I made up for it by making it long.

"Jim, you must concentrate..." 

"No. I can't...I can't do this, Spock. It's getting stronger." 

"You were able to control it before, You can again." 

"It will never be enough. Every time I release energy, more comes. It's not stopping. I can't control how strong it is anymore." 

Spock pulled his parka tighter around himself as he stood in their regular classroom. Kirk was pacing and glancing nervously at him all the while. 

Spock did not take long to recover from his injuries - if they could even be called that. McCoy said the hypothermia lasted about a minute at most, and any damage to his organs was easily fixed. This did not ease Kirk’s fears, though. McCoy practically had to beg Kirk to try practicing his powers again so another accident could be avoided. Spock even conceded to skipping the relaxation unit and getting right to practice. However, the relaxed demeanor Jim held when he created the model Enterprise was completely gone. Spock knew it the moment he first saw Kirk's face after waking that his attitude would be different from now on. Unfortunately, it had now gone too far in the other direction. 

The mirrored side of the classroom was covered in elaborate ice formations, but none of them had the precision of Kirk's previous efforts. Spock believed the captain when he said he lost control of the regulation of his powers. Based on what they had learned about them so far, the accident had likely caused his fear to spike, thereby weakening the will that was supposed to tell the energy what to do. 

"You will not hurt me, Jim," Spock tried to assure him, although he knew it was futile. Kirk did not respond. "Would it be easier if I left?" 

Kirk's posture tightened. His gloves were on, having only taken them off in order to practice, but they never left his hands for more than a few seconds. 

"There are other people on this ship, Spock. What happens if my crew accidentally gets caught in the crossfire?"

"They have not thus far." 

“It’s not like I’ve had a lot of opportunity to see anyone else lately. It doesn't matter, anyway.” Kirk pulled the gloves up so they were tighter. "I have to hide these powers until we can get in touch with the Asseens...until we can find a cure." 

Spock found some ironic humor in the reversal of their positions. "Jim, your previous arguments were logical in that finding a control is far better than hiding. There is the possibility there is no cure." 

Kirk shook his head. "There has to be...and I was wrong before. I can't control this. I can't risk any more lives." 

"Your lack of control is clearly a result of your fear over another accident occurring, and.." 

"No shit! Of course it is. You could've died, Spock! Do you have any idea what that would have done to me? If you think that my fear is making this worse, then you're preaching to the choir. But that fear is not going to go away. I thought I had control when I attacked you..." 

"It was an accident." 

"...but I was wrong. I'm never gonna make that mistake again." 

Kirk turned to leave, but Spock immediately jogged after him and reached to put his hand on Kirk's shoulder. 

"Don't touch me!" 

Spock flinched backward as if burned. Kirk deflated after he realized he had just snapped at his friend.

Despite the tension being at thick as the chill from the nearby ice, Spock continued, "Give it time, Jim. Please." 

"Yeah, well, there is no time. We'll be arriving at Tarsus tomorrow." 

"You cannot go to that ceremony. Dr. McCoy will surely find some medical excuse." 

Kirk shook his head. "No, Spock. I’m going. That's final." 

"You will not find peace by returning to that planet, Jim." 

"It's not just that. Do you think I can just hole myself up in my room for months on end? I'm getting back to that chair, Spock. I'm gonna wear my gloves 24/7, pretend I was never given this fucking curse, and do my job. If I can't handle going to a stupid ceremony, how do you think I'll handle a Romulan attack?." 

"What if your gloves fail, or if they are damaged? The doctor said..." 

"I know what he told you," Kirk shouted. "I was there, remember? Wearing long sleeves stops me from chilling the air. Nothing happened once I was in Sickbay and got a jumper on. If need be, I can take sedatives." 

Logically, Kirk's new attitude should have been a relief. However, the memory of the ice sculpture floating between them and Kirk's sense of pride killed had any lingering pessimism in Spock. Kirk had been right about being able to control his powers. They may have been wild at first, but they could easily be tamed. Just like so many important concepts in the world of sentient beings - religion, romance, technology, science - these powers had the potential be beautiful as well as destructive. Spock noted that all of the examples he noted almost always became destructive when fear entered the equation, but not before. This situation was no different. 

Unfortunately, he could not tell Kirk this because he had rushed out during the momentary distraction. Spock took off his parka as the room warmed, and he used the control panel to institute the dryer that would clean up any melting ice. 

While the blasting heaters did their job, Spock indulged himself in resting his forehead on the wall. He promised he would be there for his friend, and he intended to keep that promise. However, the feeling of foreboding was impossible to ignore as the ship drew closer to the cursed planet of Tarsus IV. 

oOoOo

On the day of the ceremony, Dr. McCoy was quiet as he sat watching Spock perfect his dress uniform and ensure it was free of wrinkles. They had met in Spock’s quarters in order to come up with a plan in case Kirk did “flip out” for some reason, but Spock had an uneasy feeling about the doctor’s demeanor the whole time. He was awkward and less forward than usual, and also seemed a little sad. 

“I have three separate hypos with sedatives, Spock. We should be good.” 

"And we will sit on either side of the captain the entire time, and discreetly sedate him if there is any indication of stress." 

McCoy nodded, but had no further comment. 

Spock turned, his uniform finally smooth to his satisfaction, and scrutinized the doctor. "Is there something the matter, Doctor?" 

McCoy appeared slightly taken aback at the question. "No, Spock. Just...nervous is all." 

"Doctor, I am not calling you untruthful, but when you are nervous, to tend to pace and give orders to me like I am a subordinate. Today, you are subdued." 

The doctor sighed and finally looked at the Vulcan eye to eye. "I'm just...are you and Jim hiding something from me?" 

Spock furrowed his brow. "Of course not. Our circumstances would make it illogical to not disclose all relevant details." McCoy continued to look dubious. "Doctor, if you are exercising the human tendency to become paranoid about your circle of friends..." 

"...now wait just a damn minute." 

"...then I suggest you cease until we are finished with this latest challenge." 

McCoy snorted. "Did you just call me a 'drama queen' in Vulcanese?" 

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Doctor, since the idea of you being a royal in any respect is incredibly disturbing, I would do nothing of the sort. Besides, a tiara would not suit you...nor would a career in the theater." 

Despite himself, the corner of McCoy's mouth came up slightly, but he still looked dubious. Spock did not know if McCoy had some suspicion about the veracity of Jim's story of the accident despite the fact that the evidence should have showed no discrepancy. Either way, this would have to be addressed at a later time. Spock sensed they would have to be in the transporter room in 4.28 minutes, and the walk and turbo lift ride would take 3.07. 

"We must take our leave now, Doctor. We shall discuss this later." 

McCoy nodded without comment. Again, this was an odd reaction, but Spock ignored it. 

Together, they made the trip to the transporter room in less time than Spock estimated, and when they arrived, Kirk was in there talking to Giotto with Uhura and Sulu standing on the side, clearly engaged with the conversation. Spock noted the Captain had none of the visible agitation as he had previously except for his arms being crossed in a much tighter fashion than normal. Since none of the people he was talking about knew about his powers, it must have been a relaxing experience. 

For his part, Giotto looked pretty perturbed. "Higgins is demanding a lawyer. He said his family was very influential and will - and I quote - sue our asses into obscurity if we don't get him touch with somebody." 

Kirk smiled with an easy confidence that showed his mastery of the current situation. Performing duties that had nothing to do with Tarsus and ice powers definitely put the captain back into his element. 

"I hope he knows that assaulting two Starfleet officers kind of decreases his rights on this ship,” Sulu said while rolling his eyes. 

Uhura sighed. “I feel like I should bring up that he does have rights no matter what he does…although I’m not as eager to enforce them in this case.” 

“I dunno, I kind of pity the guy,” Kirk said. “From what you said, Giotto, he’s certifiably insane.” 

Spock lifted an eyebrow. He had a suspicion as to what was coming next. 

The security officer laughed. "Yeah, I guess I should.” 

“What do you mean?” Sulu asked. “Is he still telling that fish story about the ice storm that you caused?” 

Giotto shrugged. “He’s persistent, I’ll give him that. I for one will be glad to be rid of him on the next Starbase." 

"As much as I'm with you on that, I can't give you my permission to soundproof the brig. Even crazy pieces of shit get hungry and he needs to be able to tell us." 

Giotto shrugged. “I had to ask, I guess. I’m just sick of hearing that guy’s mouth. I can't get what he almost did to Mr. Spock out of my head." 

Kirk's face immediately fell. "Neither can I." 

Spock was jolted out of watching the exchange by McCoy loudly sighed beside him. The sound was enough to alert Kirk to their presence. 

"Speak of the devil," Kirk said, although he did not appear pleased at their presence at all. Spock did not take it personally as he know that the next stop was the planet below, which was a trip Kirk dreaded. 

"Ready, fellas?" The captain asked his friends with fake cheer. 

McCoy nodded. "Are _you_ ready, Jim?" 

Kirk sighed. "Ready as I'll ever be." Kirk uncrossed his arms to let them hang by his side. Even with the safeguard of the gloves, the exposure of his hands to the outside world seemed almost painful. 

“I still don’t know why you insist on wearing those,” Uhura said, head tilted toward his hands. Spock was relieved to note there was no suspicion in her voice. 

“Well, I don’t know why you insist on wearing that short dress when it is way too impractical.” 

“How else am I supposed to get you to look my way when I need you on the bridge?” 

Kirk playfully shoved her with his shoulder. 

Her voice then became much softer and she put a hand on his arm. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take your place or something?” 

Kirk chuckled. “Thanks for the offer, but I got this.” 

The three crew members did not appear reassured, but they knew the Captain as well as Spock did, and they knew no amount of convincing would help once he made up his mind. 

“Well then, I guess I should leave you to it.” Giotto patted the captain on the back before taking his leave.

“See you in a few hours, Captain,” Sulu said. “I’ll keep the seat warm for you.” 

“And don’t hesitate to call if…” 

“I’ll be fine, Nyota,” Kirk said with a slight amount of venom in his voice. “I already have one mother, I don’t need another one.” 

“Jim,” Spock warned, letting his instinctive protectiveness over Uhura come out. They might not be in a relationship anymore, but Spock still felt incredibly close to her. Uhura had commented once they had become like a brother and sister, which Spock could not bring himself to disagree with. 

“It’s okay,” Uhura assured. “I’m going make the executive decision to get drunk in my quarters tonight. You in, Captain?” 

Spock could not help but beam with pride at how Uhura’s turnaround worked on the captain’s facial expression. “When do I ever need an excuse to get drunk?” 

Sulu and Uhura then left, to take their bridge positions for beam-down, but not before Spock heard his friend whisper, “You guys be careful down there.” Spock nodded in response. 

The three remaining officers walked to the transporter pad. Kirk was in the middle with his friends flanking either side. He silently nodded to Lieutenant Kyle to energize, and the three wordlessly were transported from the sterile room in the Enterprise to an outdoor location underneath a stone archway. 

The three men were now looking at a makeshift open-air stage that was placed before a hundred rows of folding chairs already half filled with future spectators. The actual ceremony was in a flat field at the base of a small mountain. The multiple cliffs covered with greenery made for a picturesque background that brought an inexplicable peace to Spock's spirit. It was little wonder why this planet was chosen for a colony. 

The ceremony was about a half hour away from beginning, according to Spock's time sense, and several people in official Starfleet uniforms were taking advantage of the head-start and mingling in the nearby clearing. 

"Captain Kirk!" Yelled a crackled, aged voice from behind him. The three men turned and out of the mass of humanity came a spindly man in an Admiral's uniform flanked by a younger man wearing a Starfleet cadet's uniform. The younger man appeared very timid and stiff at the side of the man who Spock assumed was his father. 

"Admiral Reilly!" Kirk said, his voice appearing more relaxed than the expression on his face called for. The old man came up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder that appeared far too smooth and pale to be natural. It was obviously a bionic prosthetic. 

"It's good to see we were not the only ones made to come to this...party." 

Kirk sighed and smiled. He then looked to the younger man. "Hey Kevin." 

Kevin took a deep breath and looked Kirk in the face. Spock did not miss the slight tremble in the cadet's lip. "Captain." 

"C'mon, dude," Kirk said, reaching out his hands to the boy. "It's Jim. We've been through too much to..." Kevin interrupted the captain by throwing his arms around him wordlessly. Kirk froze for a split second, but then patted the boy's back. 

"This is fucking stupid," Kevin mumbled into the captain's shoulder. 

"Yeah," was all Kirk said, not really agreeing or disagreeing. "But we'll get through it. It’s just a ceremony, man.” 

“I mean the whole thing. It’s stupid. Why did they make people come back here?” 

The Admiral only looked at the two with sad eyes. His craggy face would have indicated a severe outlook on his son's emotional display, but in practice the opposite was true. Once the two broke apart, he casually asked, "Are you going to introduce us to your companions?" 

Kirk came back to himself and nodded. "Admiral, Kevin, this is my First Officer, Mr. Spock, and my CMO, Dr. Leonard McCoy." 

The Admiral shook hands with McCoy using his artificial limb. He then used his good hand to create a passable ta'al salute toward Spock. Kevin simply nodded in acknowledgment. 

"Good to meet you both." The Admiral continued. "I've heard quite a bit about your exploits."

Spock nodded once. 

"These two clowns are the ones with the exploits, not me," McCoy said in a joking tone. "I'm just the one who puts them back together afterward." 

The Admiral laughed. ”Hey now, you're the one who brought this guy back to life using a super human's blood. I'd say that is quite an incredible feat." 

McCoy blushed. "I was just doing my job, sir." 

"Well, your feat has gotten us thinking of future ways to protect Federation planets. I’ve been looking into some ways to augment some of our Starfleet cadets to compete if there is ever an attack of supermen again, and I was going to see what you thought about some of the ideas my doctors are giving me." 

McCoy was struck speechless at the casual suggestion of the Admiral. Before he could answer, Spock said, "This does not seem like an appropriate conversation for this event, sir." 

The Admiral paused before saying, "Commander, I think it is perfectly appropriate since today is all about taking the soiled bits of the past and redeeming them to be made useful again." 

"I can't help but thinking Admiral Marcus thought the same thing," Kirk interjected, causing the bottom to drop out of the Admiral's enthusiasm.

"It's just a concept, Captain," Reilly said, scaling back to a reassuring tone. "If I see any way it could be misused, I will kill the project." Something in the distance caught the Admiral's eye and he immediately excused himself to go toward where Nogura and Komack were standing. Kevin stayed behind. 

"That was weird," McCoy said, recovering from his momentary shock. "It looks like Starfleet is taking its sweet time learning its lesson." 

"He doesn't want to use it for anything bad," Kevin interjected. "He really only wants to help." 

Spock lifted an eyebrow. "I believe Earth has a saying, 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions.' Most atrocities committed by humans do not start out with malicious intent." 

"Kodos is a good example," Kirk said, causing the people around his to stiffen. "He said he wanted to save people from starving. It was like...his good deed excused....everything." 

Before anyone could formulate a response, Kirk quickly said, "I think it's time we find some seats. Kevin, you want to join us?" 

The cadet nodded, appearing relieved he would not be made to sit next to his father. 

The four walked forward though the arch. Spock then noticed that the captain's eyes were caught by something in the distance. He followed the captain's line of vision and saw a silhouette of what looked like a castle with large spires jutting upward from it's roof. The building looked to be on a hill many kilometers away. 

"The Governor's palace," Kirk provided. He gulped several times as his black-clad fists clenched and unclenched. “It was…the only part of the capital that didn't burn down after…” 

Spock extended his hand to provide physical comfort, but he remembered the reaction from the other day and restrained himself. 

"Will you be okay, Jim?" 

Kirk nodded. “I’m…fine…so far. I guess...I think I'm gonna make it through this." 

"I am glad to hear that," Spock said, although based on the tension in his captain’s shoulders, he was not so sure. 

The apprehension continued as the pair made their way to where McCoy and Kevin sat two seats apart. Spock and Jim slipped in between, and Kirk made a point of taking the seat beside Kevin. Spock caught McCoy about to protest, but and once he took his seat, Spock tilted his head toward him to whisper in his ear. 

“You can switch seats with me if you wish, I simply did not think myself an appropriate companion for Cadet Reilly. Based on his body language, I believe he and Jim know each other from their shared experiences…” 

“Yes, Spock,” McCoy whispered back. “Kevin and his dad were on the planet with Jim. It’s not like it takes a Vulcan to figure that out. And…” McCoy hesitated, again taking on the soft sadness that had been part of the doctor’s demeanor all day.

“I’m sure you would rather sit by Jim,” McCoy said, discretely slipping the Vulcan one of his prepared hypos. “I’m sure you know how to use these.”

“Yes, but if you feel more secure being closer…” 

“I’m insisting. Will you please just drop it?” 

The last whisper came out as a hiss, and Spock thought it wise to do as he was requested. He straightened in his seat, and saw Kirk was whispering in Kevin’s ear about much more pleasant topics, judging by their smiles. The captain had a great talent for lighting up even the darkest of situations. 

Suddenly, Kirk shifted in his seat and his knee brushed up against Spock’s. The Vulcan froze, unsure why this small action was causing such a reaction in him. However, he did not give into the reflex to move away. Instead, he leaned his leg closer. The contact made him feel warm and secure in the knowledge the captain was safe beside him. 

“Oh, sorry Spock,” Kirk said once he realized his error and moved his leg. Despite their relaxed attitude toward touch, Kirk was still very considerate when it came to accidental touches. 

That minor move made Spock feel bereft for some reason. What that reason was was a mystery. He could feel a blush creeping into his cheeks for reacting in such a way. This was all so strange. Was this a new power Kirk had gained to make him…warm? That was the only effect Spock could think of, especially when the feelings were fading from his memory. The climate in this outdoor arena was temperate, and it was a clear day, so there was no need for extra warmth. And even if so, a simple touch should not alter the temperature throughout his body. 

The low notes of the orchestra brought the Vulcan back to the present. The small orchestra sat at the back of the stage, and directly in front of them was a row of five seats. The vice-president of the Federation was at the most right, followed by a middle-aged woman in a long flowing gown. Down the row was a man with a beard that appeared to be greying at the edges, and a young blond girl no older than thirteen. At the other end was General Wesley, who was head of the Ministry of Expansion - the department which oversaw and approved all off world colonies created by Federation species. 

The music signaled the remaining stragglers to come find their seats. Since they were near the center of the crowd, not many people took notice of them, and if they did, they did not find it practical to crawl over various people just to say hello. For this, Spock was thankful. The worst part of these functions was the onslaught of people and their loud thoughts battering at his controls. Talking to people he did not know and who were not used to his demeanor was always exhausting. 

All the seats appeared full by the time the Federation anthem played. All the spectators stood, some with their hands over their heart. After this was complete, the Earth anthem was played - a staple at the christenings of all Earth-mothered colonies. The non-human species normally sat at this, but Spock felt compelled to remain standing, giving respect to his mother’s people. 

Once the last notes of the anthem were ringing in the air, the Vice President stood. “Please be seated,” he said into the microphone. The crowd obliged. 

“I am gratified that so many could be here today for this truly historic occasion…”

Although Spock was perfectly capable of paying attention to the speaker while attending to other things, he chose to ignore him and look toward Kirk and Kevin. The captain had taken out the smaller version of his PADD and was scanning his messages. While this would normally be considered rude, Spock did not comment on it. Other than a tight jaw, Kirk looked altogether calm. At this point, it was quite easy to pretend this ceremony was just like any other function they had to attend. 

Kirk did perk up when the masculine voice of the Vice President ended and the new Queen of the colony came forward. 

“I didn't think they allowed queens anymore,” Kirk said under his breath. “Why the heck is she allowed to call herself one?”

“Apparently she’ll be allowing elections in a couple years, or so she says,” Kevin whispered in return. “Her family has a little bit of an obsession with Shakespeare and Elizabethan England, so she at least wanted the title of queen even though she is not an actual monarch.”

“That’s a weird hobby for a bunch of scientists to have.”

Kevin snorted. “No one wants to say anything, but I’m pretty sure this is an ego thing on her part so she can have something to rule.”

Kirk stiffened at this. “That’s not really a quality you want in someone who is running this colony.” 

Spock lifted an eyebrow at this observation as he watched the woman who appeared to be in her early forties come forward to the podium. “Keep in mind, Captain, that there are many colonies run by Terrans that run based on an eccentric theme or have a specific goal in mind. In most cases, this goal becomes secondary to the everyday matters of the colony and the place becomes a functioning society.”

“Yeah, well one of the exceptions happened on this planet,” Kirk muttered. His posture was becoming far more agitated. Clearly the direction of their conversation was having a detrimental effect on Kirk’s mood. Spock to subtly move his hand closer to his pocket where his sedative hypo was kept. 

“Hello, my friends,” the queen said with a large smile splitting her face. “I am honored by your presence at the re-christening of Tarsus IV as a Terran colony.” A light applause interrupted the speech. Kirk did not join. 

“As our Vice President so kindly said, my name is Anya Karidian. I was not on this planet at the time of the horrible tragedy. I was only a mere grad student when I saw the horrifying images on the Federation news wires. At the time, the idea of re-settling upon the spilt blood of thousands was unthinkable. However, at the time, I thought this absurd, especially when one looked at the history of the human race. If we turned away every time we encountered tragedy, we would not have saved our planet from catastrophic warming, or gone into space, or met other species. For a young idealistic woman like me, leaving Tarsus empty was not an option. Of course, there were other planets to colonize, but if we left this planet empty, would not all of those brave colonists have died in vain?

“This is why it became my mission to try and find a way to continue the important work on this planet. A few years after the tragedy, I met my husband Anton, and his passions matched mine perfectly. We worked together for years with my team until finally finding a solution. Now, after five years of planning, we have achieved our goal. 

“I know many were upset that the project was kept secret until recently, or that the project was even conceived in the first place, but I know with all my heart that once this colony is brought to the potential fate prevented it from reaching in the past, all will know what wonders can be possible here.”

After being silent for the entirety of the speech, Kirk snorted. 

“As you can see, I was passionate about this project, and I could talk for hours, but I will not. My husband and I agreed that a better way to convey the emotions of this moment would be with a song we both enjoyed from the pre-Warp musical Man of La Mancha. My husband - a trained opera singer - will now be presenting you with the great song “The Impossible Dream.” 

Spock tilted his head, curious about the cited musical that he had never heard of before. Anya stepped back, and the older man with the beard stepped to the side of the podium, but not before taking the portable voice enhancer and holding it to his lips. 

Right before the orchestra began playing the music to the chosen song, Spock heard Kevin utter a breathless, “Oh my God.” 

Spock’s attention was captured as he turned to both the captain and his young friend.

“Kevin?” Kirk asked. 

“That’s…Jim don’t you see?” 

Kirk furrowed his brow and looked closely at the bearded man on stage, who’s dulcet tones now filled the expansive area. 

“He…has a beard, but that’s him! That’s Kodos!” The words seemed to be stuck in the young man’s throat.

The music was drowning out Kevin’s increasing volume so only those in the immediate area could hear him. 

“Kevin,” Kirk said, his voice shaking. “Kodos died. His body…” 

“Was never found!” Kevin said. “Jim, for God’s sake, look at him!” 

Spock wanted badly to prevent the captain from doing as the cadet said, but short of blindfolding him, there was little he could do. Kirk leaned forward in his seat and squinted at the man on the stage. There were no projection monitors at this event, but the captain’s vision was excellent and could likely make out the details easily. 

“What’s going on?” McCoy asked Spock after noticing the commotion with the two younger men. 

“Kevin thinks Mr. Karidian is Kodos.” 

“What? That’s ridiculous. Even if he was alive, why would he come here of all…” 

“Holy shit,” Kirk said, his voice low and grave. McCoy was stopped in his tracks as both he and Spock saw Kirk’s face go white. 

“That’s…its fucking Kodos.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone have any idea of what the Earth Anthem should be? I keep thinking of something from the sixties, but that seems a little too America-centric. This won't really affect the story, I just wanted to get some input by more musically inclined people.


	8. Chapter 8

Nanoseconds after the word left the captain’s lips, Spock pulled out the modest dose of sedative and injected it into Kirk’s neck. 

“Ow…what the…” Kirk did not finish the sentence before he slumped forward to lean on Spock’s waiting hand. 

Kevin barely noticed Kirk’s state in that he appeared ready to jump onto the stage and strangle the man who had just reached the second verse of his song. McCoy got on his knees and scooted across the floor so their distress would not be as noticed (a vain effort considering the amount of stares they were getting) and went to work talking the young cadet into staying in his seat. It only took a few seconds for McCoy to sneak the sedative into the boy’s neck, knocking him out. 

Spock carefully leaned the captain backward, noticing immediately these deliberate touches were not creating the same reaction in him as the accidental brush of legs mere moments ago. This was likely due to Spock shields automatically rising in the split second before initiated physical contact, which was a reflex Spock was temped to quash, but only for a moment. 

“Spock…why did you…we have to warn…” 

“There is no danger, Jim. As the doctor stated, it is illogical that the man you see would be Kodos. Do you not think that your nervous psyche is causing you to believe…” 

Kirk reached up and grabbed a fist-full of the fabric covering Spock’s chest, pulling him so close he could feel the captain’s breath against his cheek. 

“I may not…have the memory of a Vulcan…but I know…what that bastard looks like.” 

Now that Kevin was thoroughly out of it, McCoy joined Spock in trying to talk the miraculously lucid captain down. 

“Think of the facts, Jim. Kodos burned to death. They identified his remains among the ashes. Also, no one knows what he looks like. All the incriminating witnesses were killed.”

Kirk inhaled a shaky breath and gripped the fabric tighter. “Not all of them.” 

The way Kirk averted his gaze was enough of a clue to both men. “Wait…Jim…you saw Kodos?” 

The captain pursed his lips tight. “Kevin and I were among his…boys.” 

Spock lifted an eyebrow. “Boys? I am not familiar with Kodos having ‘boys.’” 

Kirk started to shake and loosen his grip on the Vulcan. “That’s because it didn't make it into the official records. Kevin and I were the only survivors…and we wanted to pretend it never happened.” 

“It?” McCoy said, half exasperated and half fearful. “What is ‘it’ Jim? What haven't you told me?” 

The music had stopped on the stage and the queen was speaking again. She was setting up a holovid that was a tribute to those who had died, but none of the three men were concerned. 

“Hey now,” one of men sitting behind them said to them. He was clearly a human diplomat who had reached his limit of non-interference. “Are you gentlemen alright?”

Spock knew immediately they could to make a scene. No ice powers have appeared yet, but this was nonetheless not a position he wanted Kirk to be seen in. 

“The captain is not feeling well,” Spock said automatically. “I believe he needs nourishment of some kind.” 

“Well, the reception tent is having dinner in about half an hour. I’m sure they’ll let you indulge early.” 

“That should be perfect, thanks,” McCoy said hastily. He then leaned in to whisper in Spock’s ear. “Kevin is out cold. I’ll need to stay with him to make sure he doesn't get worse. Jim is at least semi-awake, so you will have to get him to that tent and make sure to keep him calm until we can beam out.” The doctor emphasized his point by slipping the Vulcan his last hypo. 

Spock nodded and helped Kirk to his feet, and he surprisingly was met with no resistance. They slipped through the row full of people so they could sneak out by one of the side aisles. 

"Spock..." 

"Do not speak, Jim. Save your strength." 

"But...we have to warn..." 

"No, we do not. There is no reason to believe anyone is in danger." 

They had gotten past the throng of people to the deserted are of the meadow they had arrived on. There was a large white tent about twenty meters in front of them where the dinner would be taking place. Since Kirk and company did not plan on staying for the reception, none of the men paid attention to the temporary structure at first. Now it appeared to be a safe haven. 

"You...don't believe me." 

The hurt in Kirk's voice struck a chord of annoyance in Spock. This was not the time for Kirk to start behaving like a toddler. 

"Jim, even if this man is Kodos, there is no way he would be able to inflict any danger on this crowd. Besides, Dr. McCoy is right. It would be the height of foolishness for him to come to a place where an abundance of people would surely recognize him. You are a genius, Jim. Please think like one." 

The pair had now reached the edge of the tent, and Kirk was supporting more of his weight than when he had started, which was why he was able to stop them short when he froze. 

"I should say the same about you, Spock." Kirk was trembling, likely with anger. "I thought we were friends. I thought we had learned to trust each other." 

Spock separated from Kirk and turned to face him. Spock had never seen the captain in such a state. Every cell in his body appeared to be shaking, as if they were about to fall apart. He had been right. Coming here was a mistake. 

Further engagement with the captain would not do any good. Spock pulled out his communicator to call the call the ship, but when his guard was down, Kirk knocked it out of his hand. Once it hit the soft ground, Kirk stepped on it, rendering the device useless. 

Never had Spock's precarious control been tested so much as right now. He wanted nothing more than to shout at the captain for acting like a child, but instead he did the practical thing and reached for the last sedative since the previous had clearly worn off. 

"Don't you dare!" 

Kirk had backed away two meters and had the edge of his glove pinched between two fingers. "If you touch that sedative, this whole meadow will be frozen solid." 

Fear spiked in Spock. If Kirk's previous behavior was unusual, than this was dangerously unprecedented. 

Spock held up his hands while maintaining his stoic expression. "Jim, please think about what you are saying. You accuse me of not trusting you, but you have just threatened me to unleash the powers you were frightened of twenty four hours ago, and that injured me shortly before. Would you be doing any of these things if you were thinking clearly?" 

Kirk's shaking increased, but he released his glove, letting his hands fall to his sides. However, his posture was still defensive. 

"You don't understand Spock. You never saw....you weren't there..." 

Spock felt a clench in his heart, the same he felt when Kirk first revealed his Tarsus experience. The Vulcan attempted to approach his friend. "I would like to understand, Jim. I am afraid my lack of direct experience puts me at a disadvantage, but you are my friend. I want to help you." 

"You want to help me?" Kirk said. "Then you will help me arrest that madman." 

The only outward evidence of Spock's growing frustration was a minor flex of his fingers. "You know I cannot arrest a man without proper evidence..." 

"Kevin and I identified him! What more evidence do you need?" 

"Since neither of you admitted to ever seeing Kodos, there will be much skepticism in your identification." 

Kirk opened his mouth, but did not speak. Spock surmised the human saw the logic in what he had said. 

"I'll prove it, then," Kirk said, resigned. "I'll get him to read the speech he gave when he first announced his plans for genocide. We'll match his voice to the recording..." 

Before the captain could finish his thought, the oncoming crowd coming to the reception caught Spock's attention. He dared not take his eyes off Kirk, especially since there was a dangerous electricity in his eyes when looking past his shoulder at the crowd. A plan was formulating in his mind that Spock knew whatever it was would not end well. 

"Jim, we must get back to the ship. This place is having a negative effect on your emotional well-being..." 

"My emotions are fine, _Commander_." 

The use of his title should not have hurt as much as it did. It hurt so much that that for a split second, the Vulcan was struck into stillness. Once his logic overcame any shock (which was in itself illogical since he was indeed the commander of the ship, and no tone of voice should make that fact a revelation) he realized Kirk had darted away from him and into the tent. By this time, he crowd was mingling between the tables, and the captain easily hid himself among the throng. 

Spock immediately made his way in, avoiding accidental touch with strangers as much as possible. However, there was still too much distraction to adequately concentrate on his search. He could only hope that McCoy was among the crowd and could look for the man as well. 

oOoOo

Kirk felt more than saw that Spock was no longer nearby. He could not think on how had likely chipped away at more of his growing friendship with his First Officer. He had to find Kodos. No one, not even Spock, could dissuade him from this revelation. That face was as branded into his memory as his own mother’s...

_Why don't you put that gun down, Mr. Kirk? There is no need for that in here._

No. No! He could not have a flashback. Not now. 

_Come sit with me and let me tell you why you were chosen..._

"Captain Kirk!" 

Admiral Reilly was trying to get his attention again, and it pulled him back to the present. He knew it would be rude to ignore him, but the captain did not care. He had to stop the dreams, the flashbacks, the memories, the scars...

Energy pulsed in his arms. It pushed against the gloves. Kirk welcomed it this time, and imagined turning that power into adrenaline that would propel him forward to find Kodos and force him to reveal his true identity. It would all be better after that. He would avenge his aunt and uncle, and all those people...

Kirk's thoughts stopped short when he saw...him. He sat with the Queen and the blonde girl who was probably his daughter. She was about as old as he was when her father destroyed any trace of innocence he had left. It looked like this girl was about due for the same fate. Innocence was overrated anyway. She deserved to know what a monster her father was.

"Jim! I didn't see you during..." 

The captain heard Admiral Komack talking to him, but he did not acknowledge it. He made a beeline for the head table, knowing he could not waste any time. It would not take long for Spock to find him due to his superior senses, and he had to get this done now. 

"Mr. Karidian," Kirk bellowed, resisting the urge to call him by his true name. The bearded man looked up from what had been a jovial conversation with his wife. Kirk shivered when their eyes met. He was now more sure than ever he was right. He fought back the fear rising in his chest and the wetness welling up in his eyes. He had to do this now. 

For his part, Kodos did not react when he looked at the captain. After a second of Kirk not speaking, his face fell. Kirk assumed it was from recognition, although it could also have been from a stranger staring at him.

Except, he was not a stranger. Not by a long shot. 

"Can I speak to you?" The captain was proud he got the question out without a hint of emotion. 

"I'm sorry, sir," Anya said, sounding a bit confused. "My husband and I must prepare to meet with our guests, and..." 

"Mom, don't you recognize this man?" The little girl piped up. "He's Captain Kirk! He saved Earth, remember?" 

"Ah yes," she said, her face lighting up. "How could I not recognize you? I had insisted you attend because you are one of the most famous Tarsus IV survivors. I am so glad you took me up..." 

"Ma'am, I would really like to speak to your husband," Kirk insisted, not wanting to hear her pretentious reasons for dragging up his bad memories. At least now there would be some purpose behind it. 

"I'm sorry, but Anton is very shy, and he was not planning on..." 

"It's okay, Anya," the man in question said in his smooth voice - the voice that caused the maelstrom of emotions in Kirk's gut to only get more violent. There was no doubt in his mind now. 

"If such a man of prestige wants to speak with me alone, then this is his right." 

“Ooo, dad. Can I talk to him after you?” 

Kirk knew the hero-worship is her voice. It would not last long, which was probably for the best. 

"You can speak to him later, Lenore. We must not keep this man waiting."

The bearded man walked around the edge of the table and stood face-to-face with the captain. They were stanind in the middle of an area miraculously clear of people, which made of less distractions. However, it immediately felt like his tongue had forgotten how to create words. The energy lapped at the skin of his arms, creating a low burn. 

"Are you alright, Captain?" 

That voice. That question. How dare he ask what he already knew the answer to?

"I know who you are." Kirk said, his voice coming out in a rasp. 

The man appeared startled. "I'm sorry, Captain, I do not know..." 

"Don't pretend you don't know me," Kirk said through clenched teeth. The urge to rip a glove off and turn this fucker into an ice cube was overwhelming. 

"Truly, Captain, I have only just met you today." 

"Liar," Kirk said. His voice low enough that only the two of them could hear. "You've met me before. I was a little shorter, a little younger. More to your liking, in other words." 

The shock clearly registered on the man's face. "I do not know what you are talking about, young man, but it think you should leave." 

"I'll leave you alone when you admit to this entire crowd who you are." 

"And who, young man, do you think I am?" 

Kirk clenched his fists. "Kodos. The one who killed my family, along with 4000 other people." 

Karidian's lower lip trembled. "I will not admit to being someone I clearly am not. The man you speak of is dead. Clearly your trauma is causing you to see ghosts." 

Now Kirk was angry. How dare this man deny the truth? 

The captain stepped closer to the older man - so close he could feel the other man's rapid breaths. "Was it a ghost who forced me to suck his cock? Who made me do his killing for him? Who hunted me like a dog?" 

Kirk did not get a chance to see Karidian's reaction before he felt someone grab his hand. He expected to see Spock when he automatically turned around, but instead it was Lenore, who's big blue eyes were wide as saucers. She had Kirk's hand in a vice grip with both of slender hands. 

"Stop it. Please don't hurt my dad!" 

For some reason, this action only incensed Kirk further. With a violent jerk. He ripped his hand out of her grip, causing his arm to swing to the other side of his body. In the split second it took to complete this action, a spiked wall of ice promptly appeared at Kirk's side, creating a semi-circle separating the head table from himself. 

The righteous anger skidded to a halt as the screams of the forgotten crowd echoed around him. Kirk looked down as his hand and saw immediately it was bare. He turned toward Lenore, who was gripping his black glove against her mouth in a frightened posture. Her mother had urgently run to her and threw her arms around the little girl. 

"Please," came the masculine aged voice Kirk had been talking to. "Please, don't hurt my daughter." 

Turning back to Karidian, Kirk recognized the fear in his eyes. The sight filled him with satisfaction - something a civilized person should never have at the pain of another human being. Then again, this was not a human being. This was a monster - a monster who's presence here proved he was trying to recapture his former position of power - a position he could not be allowed to take again. 

"I won't hurt your daughter," Kirk said, trying to fight a smile. "But I would be happy to hurt you in front of her if you don't admit to these people who you really are." 

Kirk held up his hand so his palm faced the ceiling, showing off a small orb of glowing energy. 

"I...can't. I have been trying to fix my mistake..." 

"So you do admit your Kodos?" Kirk said the question at a shouting volume so as much of the crowd could hear him as possible. 

Karidian hesitated. "Please. I'm...sorry. I was sick back then. I was desperate. I...

Kirk threw the blue power to the ground causing the ground to instantly be covered in a sheet of ice. He then made the sheet crawl to Karidian's feet and cover them, causing the retreating man to be trapped where he stood. 

"Please. No!" Anya screamed over the weeping of her daughter. "Don't hurt him. He's different now! Please!" 

The knowledge that his wife knew this man’s identity all along made Kirk even angrier. He was still facing Karidian when he shouted to her. "Then why did you bring him back here?! Why didn't you say something? This man should be locked up!" 

"Jim!" Karidian shouted. "I should not have...I'm sorry." 

The sound of his name spoken by the monster was the last straw. Energy seemed to explode out of his palm. The surrounding crowd scattered as support poles, the head table, and the overhang were covered with spiked columns of ice. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw people steaming out of the icy perimeter, some holding arms or limping. His main focus, however, was Karidian, who was only on his feet because they were frozen into a standing position. His arms hugged his torso. He shivered from the thin sheet of ice covering his body. 

"Daddy! No!" 

The piercing screams of this teenage girl brought forth a flashback - his cousin, Kristen, screaming as her parents were killed. 

Kirk did as he had done dozens of times before and let the thought pass like a cloud in the sky. However, the screaming could not be so easily blocked out, and the frightened, innocent emotions of that day pushed to the surface. 

"No!" Kirk screamed, tamping down the emotions by forcing his frontal lobe to take control. The strategy worked, but better than he anticipated. His awareness expanded to the impromptu tundra he created in the now-empty tent. He then looked at the man who had all but admitted to being Kodos, now looking too pale - just as Spock had, only worse. 

Kirk stopped short as the scene around his finally sunk in. He had just exposed his powers to all of the most important people in Starfleet. He had once again used them to intimidate and frighten. In all likelihood, many of the witnesses were hurt. Even worse, the man in front of his could very well die. This time, it could not be blamed on an accident.

"Oh God," Kirk said, immediately clenching his bare hand. Thanks to his recklessness, it was all over. He was finished. 

He was not made aware of the multiple security men positioned behind him until he felt the burn of a phaser hit him in the back.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been getting bad headaches for the past two days, so I took it out on Spock. I hope my writing didn't suffer for it.

Spock knew once he reached the middle of the crowd that his shields were in tatters. The feelings and thoughts of all the people brushing against him caused his mind to work harder to accommodate all the stimulation. No matter how dynamic a Vulcan brain was, it had a limit, and the human tissues that protected Spock’s brain never reacted well to the unusual activity. A massive migraine developed and literally drove him to a dead stop. 

“Pain is a thing of the mind,” Spock said through gritted teeth once he got the urge to fall to his knees and retreat from the onslaught. His anger at not enforcing his shields before it was too late only made the pain worse and it made every heartbeat. Even the modest light under the shade of the tent was too much and his eyes were screwed shut. Past experience had taught him that getting to an isolated place would help get himself back under control and finally banish the headache. 

However, this was not an option. He had to stop Kirk from doing something foolish. The consequences of confronting Karidian, even if he was Kodos, would no doubt be disastrous. Spock had no desire to lose this man. An Enterprise without Jim Kirk was an unacceptable scenario. An Enterprise without Jim Kirk would no longer be…home. 

“Commander Spock, are you alright?” 

Admiral Reilly’s voice was like a clanging cymbal in his ear, but Spock suppressed any reaction to what this directed voice with thoughts focused on him was doing to his pain. 

“I am…in need of a quiet place…but I need to find Captain Kirk first.” 

He sensed that the Admiral wanted to use touch as a comfort, but thought better of it. The thoughts Spock picked up showed he understood the needs of his Vulcan physiology, and did not find his behavior unusual. 

“I just saw him actually. He looked pretty angry, and when I called his name he totally ignored me.”

“Yes, he is…in a state.”

“I figured. We all went through a lot on Tarsus, but I would still like an explanation as to why I found my son sedated by your CMO a few minutes ago.”

“I…will tell you after I find the Captain.” 

“Commander Spock.” 

Admiral Komack’s voice was less grating due to it’s lower pitch, but the thoughts were still problematic, as was Spock’s annoyance at the continued delay. 

“Admiral,” Reilly spoke up. “Our Vulcan friend is having some issues with the crowd here. I was going to help him find his captain and get him out of here.” 

Komack sighed. “Whit all due respect, Commander, I have seen you in crowds multiple times and I have never seen you in this state. Are you ill?” 

“I am adequate, I simply need a quiet place. However, I must find the captain first.” 

“Yes, I was hoping you could give me some insight into who he acted when he completely brushed me off just now.”

Spock’s pain was getting worse and it made his tolerance for this man’s ignorance razor-thin. “Admiral, I must remind you that Captain Kirk endured a trauma on this planet.” 

“I told him he did not have to come, Commander. If he thought he could not handle it, he should not have put himself through this.” 

Spock opened his eyes to meet Komack’s piercing gaze, causing light to cut through his head like a knife. The Vulcan barely noticed. 

“Admiral, the captain told me…” 

The conversation was interrupted by a wave of cold air abruptly rushing over them, and the gasping crowd making their way toward the outskirts of the tent. A heavy weight of dread descended over Spock. The captain would never…

“What the hell?” Komack said. Once the crowd cleared enough, Kirk was clearly in view, as was Lenore Karidian with a black glove in her hand and Kodos cowering before him. 

“Security, get to the tent now!” Komack shouted into his communicator. The man’s shocked expression contradicted his commanding tone. “C’mon, men. Let’s get out of here.”

The two Admirals made their way from the growing icy environment Kirk was creating, but Spock could not move despite what would clearly be a dangerous situation. 

“Commander, we have to leave.” 

Security streamed past the Vulcan as he said, “I must ensure the security men do not hurt the captain.”

Spock clearly saw at that moment that Kirk had finally come to his senses, although he was immediately stunned by a phaser. The Vulcan jogged forward in order to help the injured human, but a man in a red uniform blocked his way.

“Commander,” Komack said, over his shoulder. “Is this the reason you were looking for the captain? Did you know he would do something like this?” 

Spock knew his face was obscenely transparent right now, so there would be no point in hiding the truth. “Yes, Admiral.” 

After a sigh, Komack said, “We’re going to have to talk, Spock.”

The Vulcan never met Komack’s eyes. All he could look at was the unconscious captain being dragged away to an unknown fate. 

oOoOo

Spock, Komack, and - for some reason - Admiral Reilly all went to the temporary administration building that was a half mile away from the ceremony sight. They took over an empty office and Spock took his seat against the wall while Komack sat behind the bare desk inside the room. 

After a moment of waiting, McCoy walked into the room with security accompaniment. The grim expression on his face showed that he knew exactly what transpired. Spock tried to catch his eye, but the man’s blue eyes were fixed to the carpet. 

“Gentlemen,” Komack said, with his voice a picture of contained fury. “I’m going to skip by the pleasantries and get right to the point. Two days ago, a man currently being held in the brig of your ship claimed the captain created ice with his bare hands in order to defeat him. Immediately I knew he was nuts, because while humans may have some psi abilities here and there, there is no way a human can achieve this naturally - unless there is some kind of enhancement from a foreign technology. Of course, no such enhancement was reported to me by the ship’s personnel, so I was sure that this man’s testimony was ridiculous. There is no way that at least one of the Enterprise’s senior officers would not report such a thing, particularly Mr. Spock.” The anger in Komack’s voice was no longer contained. “However, I just saw one of the most revered captain’s in our entire fleet create ice with his bare hands and come incredibly close to killing the husband of an important Federation official, and based on your reactions to this meeting, you have known he had the ability to do this for a while.” 

“Yes,” Spock said. “However…” 

“Do not ‘however’ me, Mr. Spock. I expected far better of you than this. The captain is dangerous, and needs to be contained.”

“He is not dangerous,” Spock cut in.

Reilly’s eyebrows went up to his hairline. “I think your captain’s little display back there contradicts you.” 

There was a strange glee in his voice that made Spock distinctly disturbed. 

“He was contained, though,” McCoy interjected. “Those gloves he was wearing were enough to stop it…” 

“That is not the point, Doctor!” Komack said. “You failed to tell us about an important change in the captain’s physiology! The fact you thought this was okay to hid from us - especially after what happened to Lieutenant Mitchell - boggles my mind.”

“With all due respect, sir,” Spock said. “We were unsure about what the reaction would be toward the captain after our experience with Khan 18 months ago.” 

Komack appeared surprised at Spock’s response. “Yes, we would have reacted, but we are not monsters, Commander. The fact you would think so little of us is somewhat insulting. We are not all Admiral Marcus. I want the entire story right now.” 

Spock bit the inside of his cheek and gathered his control so he could sit up and appear dignified even as his thoughts could not turn away from Kirk, where he was being held, and what was happening to him. 

The Vulcan relayed the entire story of the Asseens and the gift they gave the captain, as well as their discovery of the power two months later and their attempts to contain it later on. Spock was careful not to get too detailed about the attempts at practice, although he was earnest about his change of mind after the captain made his model Entrerprise. Komack was not impressed. 

“So you’re saying because Kirk made a sculpture, suddenly he was no longer dangerous?” 

“I can see it,” Reilly said. “Can you imagine the mental precision it would take to create something like that, and with lights! These powers must be incredible!” 

“Admiral Reilly,” Komack said. “You know better than this. Powers like this give to an adult 25 or older has a high learning curve and can easily turn unstable. I know you are obsessed with this super soldier idea, but think with your brain for a goddamn minute.” 

Reilly furrowed his brow in annoyance. “Admiral, the Asseens have within their culture an amazing tool! After their hibernation, we must use this technology to our advantage.” 

“From what Mr. Spock said, these powers are only given to people they deem worthy, although they were clearly mistaken in this case.” 

“Hey, wait just a minute,” McCoy said.

“Don’t get indigent with me, Doctor. You know what this man is capable of. Kirk is a great captain, but he is reckless, irresponsible, and far too haunted by his past. Even worse, he does not appear to respect his senior officers enough to simply be honest with them about my orders for this mission.” 

McCoy widened his eyes and Spock fought back a wince. 

The Admiral turned to Spock. “In your story, you said Kirk implied I was making him do this. On the contrary, I gave him the option and he agreed after about an hour of consideration. Again, your low opinion of me is somewhat insulting.”

Spock was again sitting straight in his chair, his control restored. However, he could not meet the Admiral’s eyes. Again, the safety Spock found in his friend was challenged. Kirk clearly knew his friends would prevent him from going to Tarsus if it was optional. Kirk must have believed there was some kind of unfinished business on this planet that he could not resolve elsewhere. A business so important that he would lie to his best friends and risk the safety of all the people in his midst. 

“I know Kirk went through a trauma here,” Komack continued. “And he should have known if being here would trigger a reaction that would have made him attack Mr. Karidian.” 

“To be fair, sir,” Spock said, his control fully restored, at least outwardly. “Captain Kirk thought Mr. Karidian was Kodos.” 

Komack rubbed his face. “Kodos is dead, and he doesn't even know what he looks like. No one does.” 

“That’s…not exactly true.” 

Reilly’s subdued voice immediately caught the attention of the three other men.

“What are you talking about, Admiral?” 

“Jim and my son…there were certain parts of their experience that are not in the official record.” 

“Jesus,” Komack said, breaking his decorum. “What is it with all the secrets?” 

Reilly gulped. “I respected my son’s wishes and did not say anything. It feels wrong to discuss it now.” 

“Well, you had better,” Komack said. “Because if one of the cornerstone facts about Tarsus IV is being knowingly kept from me…”

“I’m sorry, Admiral. I must protect Kevin’s privacy. He is just now coming to terms with it, and I don’t want to endanger that progress. I also respect Jim’s privacy because he saved my son’s life in those days.” 

Komack stared at the other Admiral in disbelief. “The only reason you would not want to tell me is because of…” Komack stopped himself from saying more. “Why the hell would you bring him here, then?” 

“The same reason the captain likely wanted to come.” 

McCoy snorted. “From what I got from Kevin, he did not want to come at all.” 

Reilly screwed up his face. “Where is my son, by the way? Has he recovered from you drugging him yet?” 

“Listen here, pal. If I hadn't drugged your son, he would have been the one making the scene, not Jim.” 

“Enough!” Komack said firmly. “Dr. McCoy, from what I’m hearing, sedating Kevin was the right thing to do, although I would like to know where he is now.” 

“He’s awake and resting in the infirmary, although he’s hysterical over this Kodos thing. I didn't believe him at first, but I might have to change my mind.” McCoy glared at Reilly. 

Komack nodded. “Even if the details were not known, Starfleet should have been informed about there being witnesses to what Kodos looked like, even though it does not matter. The man is dead.” 

“Admiral,” Spock chimed in. “Although the official records say Governor Kodos is dead, the physical body was not retrieved. Only the ashes. It is not beyond the realm of possibility that the governor created a fabrication to make him appear dead. Such a result would have been met with relief from many people and thereby would have not been subjected to much scrutiny. It would be only logical to test Mr. Karidian’s DNA in order to determine if the testimonies of these two eyewitnesses are indeed wishful thinking.” 

Komack sighed. “Okay, we’ll get a DNA sample so we can settle this, but that doesn’t change why we’re here. Captain Kirk hurt a lot of people with his little stunt. Nobody has died, although from what I hear, Anton Karidian is in pretty bad shape. The worst part is that this whole mess could have been avoided if you two had been honest with us!” 

Neither Spock or McCoy said anything. Spock had no argument he could give that would contradict his superior. This situation could have been prevented, although he could not bring himself to apologize for his actions. His heart was already bereft with the knowledge that Kirk would likely never be his captain again, and postponing such a happenstance was worth every moment.

“Look,” Komack continued. “You all are heroes many times over, and you also have excellent records, so I can’t justify doing anything more than a slap on the wrist this time, although there will be hell to pay if this happens again. Jim’s not gonna be so lucky. He cannot be the captain of a Starship with such a volatile power.”

“But the gloves…” 

“I don’t care about the gloves, Dr. McCoy! They are clearly fallible! I know you might not believe this, but I do respect Captain Kirk. The five-year mission thus far has been excellent, as has his pre-mission conduct. I am willing to show him some compassion, especially with the effect this place has on him. However, this is based on Mr. Karidian living, his identity as Kodos, and the possibility of curing these powers. The captain is also going to have to go through intense psychological scrutiny to make sure this aggression never happens again.” 

“What if the powers can’t be cured?” McCoy asked. 

“You know what we will have to do, Doctor. The captain is clearly a danger to himself and others and will have to be contained.” 

“But this wasn’t his fault. He didn't ask for this.” 

“Yet he knowingly put himself in a situation where he would endure enormous stress.” 

“He was not aware he would run into a man he believed to be Kodos,” Spock said. 

“God, what is it with you two today? I understand loyalty, but not to a point it make’s you not use your heads!” Komack took a deep breath to calm himself into a professional demeanor. “Look, I know you are loyal to your captain, but please understand the reality of the situation. If you can’t…I don’t know what to tell you. Kirk himself admitted he does not know how to control the powers fully. He also does not know how to fix what he destroyed. Most of the ice in the tent is still not melting, which is worrisome for Mr. Karidian’s prognosis. For now, I’m gonna need you to go back to your ship and wait for further orders. Needless to say, you’re in command now, Mr. Spock.”

The Vulcan gave a subdued nod. 

“We have more things to discuss in the coming days, but that is everything for now. Dismissed.” 

“Admiral,” Spock said. “If I may ask, where is the captain being held?”

Komack paused in thought. “In this building’s makeshift brig. We’ve cuffed some restrictive gloves on him, at the captain’s request surprisingly. I don’t have an issue with you relaying my sentiments to him, but how he reacts is on you.”

Spock nodded again and stood to leave. The universe he was about to walk into seemed far less bright than the one he woke up to. This was an illogical feeling, but not an unfamiliar one. To a larger extent, this is exactly what happened after Kirk had died in the radiation chamber - only then it drove him to a homicidal rage. His current feelings were less severe, but nonetheless potent. There was no reason why not having Kirk with him would constitute a less vibrant universe or a less safe haven in his ship. The Enterprise was more of a home to him than Vulcan had been before he knew Jim Kirk, so there was no reason he could not function adequately without him. Spock knew he was attached to Kirk, but why were his current reactions resembling the feelings connected to his mother’s death? 

“Komack was right, you know,” McCoy said with a resigned sigh once they were both out in the hall. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t believe he lied to us. I mean, Jesus.” The man ran his fingers through his hair. “But did you see that asshole Reilly? I could barely hid the hard-on he was getting. I swear to God if he tries to cut Jim open I’ll…” 

Spock met the man’s eyes when he stopped speaking. McCoy looked at him with compassion. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Look, if you need to talk, let me know.” 

Spock did indeed need to sort out his feelings, but talking about them would do no good. Besides, McCoy was Kirk’s friend as well. Spock should not have needed any support that McCoy would not need as well.

“I fail to see why I would need to talk about this any more than you would, Doctor.” 

McCoy sighed and moved closer to Spock once they reached the end of the short hallway and exited the building. “It’s okay. I know about you and Jim.” 

Spock stopped in his tracks. “What about me and Jim?” 

“That you're together.” 

“Together?” 

McCoy looked like he wanted to strangle the Vulcan in that moment. “Yes. You know…in love. Kissing. Having sex. Running after evil supermen in a murderous rage when he hurts your sweetheart. All that shit.” 

Spock raised an eyebrow. Where did McCoy get this assumption? “Doctor, if you are implying that the captain and myself are in a romantic relationship, then you are mistaken.” 

McCoy looked genuinely shocked. “I…never mind then. Sorry. I should have known that the word ‘love’ isn't in your book.” 

The doctor started to walk away, but Spock blocked his path. “Why would you say that, Doctor? You know I was in a relationship with Uhura.” 

“Jesus, Spock. Wake up! You and Uhura weren't like you and Jim are. You would never have gone so ape shit crazy if Uhura had died - don't try to deny it. You basically forsook your girlfriend to stay by Jim’s side for a vast majority of his three weeks in the hospital. I had blinders on at the time, but then I saw how he reacted to injuring you, and how you looked at him afterward.” 

The tips of Spock’s ears turned green, embarrassed that in his vulnerable state he had let his expressive eyes give an impression that did not exist. It would be illogical to feel such things for Kirk, particularly when his relationship with Uhura proved such feelings were not practical for one such as him. 

“How exactly did I look at the Captain, Doctor?” 

“You looked at him…like your entire world - your reason for living - was being taken out of the room.” 

Spock could not bring himself to argue with this statement since the feelings he had been having for the past few hours pointed to a strange dependance on the captain. He surmised this was due to an illogical need for safety due to the death of his planet, which made sense. Kirk was his friend - a friend who represented acceptance. He had already figured out why his feelings for Uhura and Kirk were different. Then again, he did have a bad habit of pushing those feelings to the wayside and leaving them to examine later, which he never did. As a result, he could not make an effective argument to McCoy about how his emotions are not romantic in nature. 

“The captain is indeed important to me, but it is for different reasons than what you are implying.” 

McCoy lifted an eyebrow this time. “What other reasons could there be, Spock?” 

“I have come up with several in the past few months, such as his acceptance of my dual culture, his willingness to be there at all times, the way our personalities compliment each other…why are you smiling?” 

“You’re only proving my point.” 

Spock stiffened his posture, and the migraine pain that he had been ignoring up until now returned to his awareness. “If you will give me a moment, Doctor, I will examine the feelings the captain engenders in me and give you a more accurate answer.” 

This made the man laugh out loud. “You haven’t even examined these feelings yet? I thought that was the main way Vulcans controlled their emotions.” 

“I am becoming tired of your constant amusement, Doctor. Emotional examination is one way of many methods, but it has not always been effective with me, so I rely on other methods to keep my emotions in check. However, that does not mean I do not practice it. I will briefly meditate and will prove this to you.” 

McCoy immediately sobered, although he was still smiling. “Honestly, Spock, I really don’t think that’s our priority right now, but the fact you have to prove me wrong only makes me more convinced.” 

“Why, Doctor?” 

“Because if these feelings scare you so much that you not only ignore them, but actively fight to prove they are not as strong as they look from the outside, something tells me you’re not as confident as you appear.”

Spock’s tenuous control was growing more fragile. “What is your obsession with this? I have already told you that you are mistaken. Is this your way of stroking your own ego? Do you always do this when proven wrong?” 

“Fine. Examine your feelings. If I’m wrong, then I’ll admit it and you can get on with your repressed little life, but if I’m right…” McCoy’s face fell as he hesitated. “It would be the worst timing ever, but…at least our friend wont be alone in this.” 

The reminder of Kirk’s predicament was enough to clench Spock’s heart, shaking the firm foundation he had rebuilt in Komack’s office. The doctor was right in that the feelings needed to be examined, especially if the worse-case scenario happened and Kirk was taken from his life forever. 

The Vulcan nodded and turned away from McCoy to look toward the mountains in the distance. His sentiments toward the captain were close to the surface due to their current circumstance, so achieving the proper meditation would not take long. He closed his eyes and dipped below the surface of his thoughts, finally looking head on at the great uproar that he had expertly ignored for two years. 

Spock was shocked at how large this creature had become. His constant ignorance of it had caused these feelings to grow into something far too wild and turbulent to examine easily. However, there was another aspect to the emotions that Spock found fascinating - light. The glowing, pulsing life to this feeling gave it an otherworldly beauty that rivaled all the dazzling sunsets in all the dazzling worlds he had thus far visited. In a way, it reminded Spock of the ice sculpture Kirk made for him the night he was injured. The strange beauty of the icy Enterprise that pulsed with an unnatural life - it was beyond description. At the same time, the beauty was incomplete, as if looking for the final stage to an even greater magnificence. 

Spock was reminded of a pre-reform poem he read as a child - one that he caught his father reading to his mother on the night of one of their wedding anniversaries. At the time, he found it a strange thing to read, but now the most powerful verse hit him with full force. 

_My katra is like the gathering clouds,  
making my body roil with tremors and electric currents.   
I cannot find a place for my rain to fall.   
Only in you, my ashayam, I find my solid ground. _

_My katra is like the largest dust storm,  
Unsettled and deadly, driven by the wind to wander and destroy.   
My heart cannot fight and settle to the ground as intended.   
Only in you, my ashayam, can I fight the wind, and rest my head in the safest place._

The poem was never considered great by current standards due to the non-linear repetition and the overly dramatic prose, but the verses always stuck with Spock. His entire life, his mind had been in chaos, trying to find a place where he could be content with himself and with who he was. Many times, he thought he found this peace in logic, but when his emotions came to the surface from his peers bullying him or his planet dying, the peace was shown to be shallow. The roiling chaos before him should have been proof that Jim Kirk only made the turmoil in his youth worse, thereby making him a toxic presence - but this was not what Spock saw. His katra saw the home - the place of peace he had sought all his life. The chaos was agitated not because of this place’s existence, but because it had not yet been fully reached. 

The Vulcan suddenly became frightened, seeing the poem written about the deepest of romantic loves being mirrored in his own heart. Could McCoy have been right? Could the safety in Kirk’s presence and the emptiness in his imprisonment be from such deep and consuming love? There was only one way to find out.

Spock dived headfirst into the storm.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, but my work is just now starting to get out of busy season and I had to play catch up for the last two weeks. By the time I post the next chapter, I plan on going back and fixing the errors I have found in my re-reads. Being a perfectionist sucks sometimes. 
> 
> I'm going to start easing up on the cliffhangers because they were starting to turn into a crutch. I am intentionally not going back and re-watching Frozen so I can keep my twist as fresh as possbile. It's gonna be hard, but I will gladly suffer for art.

Kirk could not describe himself as anything but numb. He had no emotions, fears, problems...there was nothing. Kirk understood this automatic reaction. All of his hopes and dreams and ambitions had been snuffed out in mere seconds. True, he had not worked for years to achieve his captaincy. It merely fell into his lap. Still, he loved this job and he loved his ship. Hell, he even died for her and her crew. It was like his entire being had become wrapped up in being Captain Kirk. All of that had been thrown to shit in a matter of minutes. 

 

The man could not describe his current accommodations as anything more than a cell. It was dark, smelled musty, and the door was locked with chains that had originally been used in the construction equipment for the new colony. He barely remembered asking the guards to fasten the gloves onto his hands with synth-iron cuffs.

 

These consequences did not cause Kirk to regret what he had done. He had been taught his entire life that killing was not justice, but the animal in him found a dark sense of satisfaction is his actions. After all Kodos had done to him...to his friends, it was worth it. His worst regret was not having the stomach to tell Spock why his anger was so deep before he jumped head first into revenge. Then again, any Vulcan would likely be repelled at how he had been tainted. Spock did not have a perfect childhood, but he at least grew up well-adjusted. Kirk's life was the opposite, and the last thing he wanted was to drag his best friend into the depths of his neurosis. 

 

Thinking of Spock caused the familiar pressure to build in Kirk's throat and eyes. He First Officer has always been one of the few people who could defeat his emotional paralysis. He banished thoughts of Spock from his mind, but the foundation of his defense had already been cracked, and the empty office-turned-cell started started to choke him. The physical cell was likely not causing it as much as what it represented. There would be other cells on other planets, but it would all be the same. No way out. No way forward. No ability to make a difference. He was now a pariah, a thing to be studied. If Kodos died, he would also be a criminal. 

 

Kirk let out a sad laugh. There were only two times in his life - including now - where his disbelief in no-win scenarios failed him, and both of those times were on this wretched planet. The next sound he let out was a sob. Even the best mind techniques could not hold back the despair this time. 

 

Again, his mind came back to Spock. What would he be thinking now? Kirk knew his friend was scared of him, but still managed to be supportive despite such an instinct. Even after Kirk almost killed him, the bastard continued to want to help him. What the hell did he do to deserve a friend like that? Would he ever see that friend again? 

 

"Shit," Kirk said out loud, giving him chills at the break in silence. Of course he would never see Spock again. No one was that good. He and the ship were likely being ordered out of the area right now. Maybe Bones would stay behind, but not likely. His doctor friend made his feelings clear. 

 

Kirk made two fists, breathing in and out to keep the wave of emotions at bay. If his future as a lab rat was going to be tolerable, he would have to learn to forget about his past and bring the numbness back. The only other option was suicide, which was really the only option that would give him a choice. 

 

Or at least that was Kirk’s assumption until the room started to cool. 

 

The gloves Kirk was given were not the same as his water proof ones from before. Federation honchos obviously felt more secure with their own equipment being used. However, Kirk could already feel his powers slipping through, and there were little flecks of frost starting to develop on his palms. Rather than frightening him, this immediately opened another possibility in his mind, making this no-win scenario far less damning. 

 

oOoOo

 

McCoy rushed to Spock’s side once he saw that he had fallen to the ground. The Vulcan had buried his head into the turf immediately. McCoy thought better of trying to help him up. Spock looked like he was falling apart. 

 

Spock was gripping the blades of grass so tight that his knuckles were white. On top of that, his entire body was shaking. McCoy could have sworn he heard soft, muffled sobs. Was Spock crying?

 

This put the doctor over the edge and he finally asked, “Hey, what happened?” 

 

He got no answer, although based on the reaction, it was not difficult to surmise what occurred within Spock’s head. 

 

McCoy sat cross-legged next to his friend. “Was I ri…I mean, do you…what do those feelings look like?” 

 

At that moment, Spock started muttering something in other language that had to have been Vulcan. McCoy barely knew the Vulcan language as it was, and it was even harder to translate when he friend’s voice was muffled by grass. 

 

“Spock. Hey Spock! What are you saying?” McCoy tried to keep his voice down and looked around their perimeter for any potential onlookers. This was likely the last place Spock would want to have a break down. 

 

McCoy immediately recognized the signature breathing of Spock’s Vulcan calming techniques. He knew then to give him some space until he came back to himself. Knowing nothing about Vulcan psychology and de-escalation, he would likely make things worse anyway. He simply kept an eye on their surroundings and made sure no other people saw the easily embarrassed First Officer in such a state. 

 

The doctor's nervousness about their exposure made it feel like hours before Spock finally stilled. His forehead remained on the ground but at least he looked more in control. 

 

"You ready to talk now?" McCoy tried once he felt the tension ease. 

 

Spock lifted his head at the question and sat back on his heels. Spock's face was not back to its stoic baseline yet in that his lips were pursed and his eyes glimmered unshed tears. The effect was heightened by his face being streaked with dirt and chlorophyll and the wetness on his cheeks. 

 

"I was a fool," the Vulcan said in an almost whisper. The bereft tone in his voice made McCoy scoot closer to convey support. 

 

"About what?" the doctor asked, pretending not to know the answer already.

 

Instead of answering, Spock used his sleeve to wipe grime from his face. 

 

McCoy let out a loud frustrated exhale. “Spock. What. Did. You…”

 

“T’hy’la.” 

 

The whispered word was enough to stop McCoy’s rant short. The word was said with such reverence and weight that the doctor felt like he would be spitting on a holy relic just by asking what it meant. Fortunately, he did not have to. 

 

“The word has no accurate English translation, but it can be used to refer to one who is closer than all others in the world - a friend, a brother, and…a lover combined into one being.” 

 

McCoy fought back a crude comment about “brother” and “lover” describing the same person and instead tried to expand his mind to consider what Spock was talking about. “So, this…thing is pretty important?” 

 

Spock closed his eyes as if in pain. “Indeed. In ancient Vulcan times, the friendships between warriors was considered a higher love than even the relationships between opposite gendered bond mates. When platonic, this was called t’hy’lu. When the bond moved into the romantic and sexual, the connection became even stronger, because the spirit and the body - the whole being - came together. Our ancient religions honored these bonds because they transcended all that a sexual relationship was to be. In mechanics, sex is merely a means of reproduction. When taken out of this technical purpose, though, it takes on a far more deep meaning.

 

“There were homosexual relationships that existed on their own, and the majority of Vulcans participated in heterosexual relations. These relationships were far more permanent than human relationships due to the telepathic bonding process, but there was no sense of significance to them. However, when t’hy’la came together, this was something no one could comprehend and yet did not dare break apart.” 

 

McCoy tried several aborted attempts to respond in a way that would not ruin Spock’s moment of revelation. “So…you’re saying that…you and Jim are like…soulmates?” 

 

“Soul-and-body-mates would be a more accurate description, Doctor.” 

 

The doctor moved even closer now, trying to grasp the weight of this revelation. Since his divorce, the doctor stopped believing that romantic love was anything more than a combination of neurochemicals that brought about the best sex in order to produce the best offspring. Every sentient species that lauded love as more than this merely did so to block the ugly truth. He had assumed that Vulcans saw things the way he did, and he was shocked to discover this was not the case.

 

“I never understood,” Spock continued, his voice starting to crack. “I never thought such a relationship would be mine to have. I did not know I had the capacity to love another in such a way. The truth was that I was frightened of giving myself to such an emotional commitment. Having finally confronted the feelings within myself..I can no more ignore them then I can deny myself the air I breath or the water I drink.” 

 

At this point, McCoy was becoming concerned. The last thing he wanted to be was a buzzkill, but he did not want Spock to go in an overly emotional direction that could backfire. “So all of a sudden you can’t live without Jim? That’s…I don’t know what to think about that, Spock. I don’t think that’s healthy.” 

 

“You misunderstand me, Doctor. I could conceivably live without Jim, but it would be a hollow existence. I would be living with a piece of myself forever separated from me. I would never be complete.” 

 

“I’m not comforted by that, and I don’t think Jim would be either. Talk like that will definitely scare him off.” 

 

Spock closed his eyes. His candid words told McCoy that Spock was still processing his thoughts even as he spoke them. “I am aware that Jim is psi-null and is not as reliant on others as a telepathic being is. If he cannot become one with me, I will accept this. I will never force him into anything he is not willing to participate in. However…Jim is a man in pain. He has never felt loved in his life. Would I be correct that he has never associated sexual relations, family, and friendships with love?”

 

McCoy shrugged. “I don’t know if I would go that far. I know he can love, but it’s always defensive, like he’s just waiting for those he counts on to let him down. I’ve never seen him have a sexual relationship that meant anything to him. So…yeah, I guess you're right.” 

 

“I want to change this. If his encounter with Karidian taught me anything, it is that no living being has even glimpsed at the depth of agony in our captain’s soul. I will offer him everything that I am and ever will be. Even if I could only ease a fraction of his pain, a lifetime’s effort will be worth it.”

 

McCoy was about to be won over by this promise. He knew more than anyone that Kirk needed someone to love him unconditionally, but his practical side could not concede defeat. “I know what Jim will say to this. He’ll think this is some weird Vulcan mating drive, and none of this is sincere. He’ll say that it was something in his chromosomes that attracted you rather than his whole self. To be honest, I’m not completely convinced that isn't the case.” 

 

Rather than the expected defensiveness, Spock nodded in understanding. “You are employing the human concept of soul mates, Doctor. T’hyla are not chosen by a Supreme Being to come together against their will. While inborn temperament plays a part in creating such a connection, t’hy’la are made, not born. My mind does not not reach out to Jim because biology dictates it, but rather because it has learned over time where it belongs. Even if I did not have an ounce of Vulcan blood in my veins - even if I had never heard of t’hy’la - I know that I would still love Jim Kirk with all of my heart and soul. There is no other for me and there never will be.” 

 

The Vulcan turned slightly to make eye contact with McCoy, who’s eyes had started to water as the sincere, poetic words from the normally matter-of-fact First Officer tugged at his heartstrings. 

 

“I am astonished at my foolishness. How I could have suppressed such…adoration for the man I was closer to than anyone else?”

 

“We all fool ourselves for dumb reasons,” McCoy replied in monotone, still reeling from all that the Vulcan had revealed to him. “Look, I’m not saying I understand this mumbo-jumbo, but…if the most logical guy I know says this relationship meant to be, then who am I to argue?” 

 

Spock lifted an eyebrow as the playful air returned to his face. “May I remind you, Doctor, that you are the one who brought this up in the first place.” 

 

The doctor smirked. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” 

 

An uncomfortable silence followed. Spock made no effort to get up off his knees, and he still appeared quite disturbed by both these new revelations and the fact he just poured his soul out in a way he never had before. 

 

“I confess I am…unclear how to proceed.” 

 

McCoy had recovered enough to let out a laugh. “Well, let’s start with talking to Jim about starting a relationship.” 

 

“I do not know how to do that.” 

 

“What? How did you court Uhura, then?”

 

“I…did not. She pursued me, and I acquiesced because I found her fascinating. I learned many things from our association, but I am unsure which once to utilize with a male, particularly one who is currently in a low emotional place. The importance of this relationship is too great to mishandle.” 

 

“Well, let’s just start with going to Jim and talking to him. We can figure out the particulars later.”

 

Spock suddenly blushed. “I am unsure…I might need more meditation…” 

 

“Aw, shucks, Spock. It looks like you’re twitterpated.” 

 

“I beg your pardon? I am not familiar with such vernacular.” 

 

McCoy got to his feet. “I’ll explain later. All I know is that you should go to him now before you change your mind. If this soulmate thing is as important as you say, then putting it off any longer would be…well…illogical.”

 

Spock followed his friend to the standing position. “Your logic is sound, Doctor.” 

 

“And don’t you dare start getting all robotic-emotion-suppressing around Jim, okay? The Spock from a minute ago is gonna have to be the one who talks to him, or Jim is gonna think you're full of shit.”

 

“I cannot deny what I am.” Spock sounded indignant in the declaration. 

 

“I’m not asking you to but I know how you get when you get nervous or sad or whatever. You clam up to the point you give HAL a run for his money. Jim needs you right now, not your Vulcan armor.” 

 

Spock tilted his head as he looked as McCoy. “I will remember this, Leonard.” 

 

“Good, now…” 

 

A biting cold wind hit both men as hard as a shuttlecraft. They miraculously stayed on their feet, but the air was pushed out of their lungs and their bodies took almost a minute to recover from the sudden change. 

 

The climate had changed completely in a thirty second span. Blasts of wind and snow hit McCoy in the face, and the light of the sun had been completely covered by ugly, winter overcast. Through the lowered visibility, the doctor saw tendrils of ice creeping around the mobile building before them. It was seconds away from reaching the front door before a crowd of four men - Komack and Reilly included - stumbled into the now ankle-deep snow. 

 

“We need security out at the admin building. Now!” Komack shouted into his comm. He was barely concealing his shaking voice as the temporary structure was completely encased in ice. 

 

“Jim,” Spock said, causing McCoy to throw up his hands. 

 

“No shit! Jesus, is that kid stupid?” 

 

“No. Simply trapped.” 

 

McCoy did not respond to the correction, because Spock was technically right. James Kirk could not be backed into a corner for long. 

 

“You two!” Komack shouted. “What are you still doing here? I thought you would be back at the ship by now.” 

 

McCoy did not miss the Admiral’s accusatory tone of voice. “Hey, we had nothing to do with this. We were just discussing how to talk to Jim when…this happened.” 

 

The crash from behind the building brought all the men to attention. Spock immediately started moving toward the sound. 

 

“Spock!” 

 

“Commander Spock, you have to wait for security!” 

 

McCoy was the only one who bothered to run up to the Vulcan while the Admirals called for a transport to get them out of the falling temperature. 

 

“Are you out of your V-vulcan mind?” McCoy shouted once he grabbed the hem of Spock’s shirt. “You c-can’t confront him! Look at this! He’s obv-viously out of his mind!” 

 

“I do not care! I must speak to him. I must make him stop this.” 

 

The cold was intense, and McCoy could not keep the shiver out of his shouting over the wind. “And t-tell him what? V-vulcan’s can’t lie. There are no f-facts here that c-c-can help him.” 

 

“Except that he is my t'hy'a.” 

 

Spock was clearly succumbing to the cold as well. Even though the white out, McCoy could see his fingernails and lips turning brown. 

 

“That's no excuse to be stupid, Spock. We have to wait until he’s calm.” 

 

“It’s too late for that.” 

 

The sad-yet-determined voice was certainly the captain’s. The two men saw him to their left, his hands bare and dirty blonde hair whipping in the wind. Spock started to walk toward him.

 

“Don’t come any closer!” Kirk shouted. “I just…I heard you two…and I wanted to say goodbye.” 

 

“Captain Kirk! Stop this at once!” Admiral Komack’s voice was distinct, although he and his coterie were make no effort to come closer. Kirk ignored him. 

 

“Jim,” McCoy pleaded. “This is not the way…” 

 

“Bones, your lectures aren't going to help right now. I’m not a captain anymore, I’m…this. I can’t be anything else…not anymore.” 

 

“Yes you can,” Spock insisted, although his voice contained a hint of monotone that caused McCoy to roll his eyes. For all the Vulcan’s determination, he was starting to chicken out when it mattered. 

 

“Well, you won’t have a choice,” Kirk said. “Look around you. I caused all of this. It’s gonna be pointless to contain it 24/7. It’s only gonna lead to people getting hurt. I have to be free, and you need to leave me.” 

 

“No!” Spock shouted. This seemed to snap him to attention and he walked closer. 

 

“Jesus, I told you to stay away!” Kirk swiped his hand, causing the Vulcan to recoil. “Just…please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.” 

 

“Jim…I…” 

 

“Don’t…I have to do this.” Kirk outstretched his arms, and suddenly swirls of snow surrounded his entire body. Kirk then rose into the air, all the while keeping his eyes on his friends.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kirk shouted. “I wish there was another way. Take care of the ship, Spock. I…I…don’t come after me.”

 

Neither man had a chance to respond before their captain turned, rose higher into the air, and then vanished in the increasing blizzard. 

 

“Jim!” Spock shouted as he power walked in the direction where Kirk vanished. McCoy tried to grab onto him, but Spock easily shrugged off his grip. The Vulcan jogged about five meters before he abruptly stopped and collapsed to his knees. The doctor ran to him and saw his arms were around his body and his hands were discolored to a point McCoy knew Spock had hypothermia. 

 

McCoy dropped into the snow and wrapped his arms around the First Officer. He did not know how much longer until his body temperature dropped to a point where he could no longer help, but he had to do something. There was no way they could walk the kilometer to the infirmary without assistance. 

 

Thankfully, they only stayed in this position for thirty seconds before the wind abruptly calmed. The visibility again became crystal clear, although the sight was very different. Every piece of land in sight was covered in white from the peaks of the mountains to the roofs of far-off buildings. 

 

Even without the wind, the air temperature did not warm. In fact, it felt like it was continuing to drop by the second. There was still overcast in the sky to the point McCoy could not make out where this planet’s sun was. 

 

“Transports are on their way, gentlemen,” Came Reilly’s voice from nearby. McCoy did not turn to meet him. Although he understood why the men did not try to come with them to approach Kirk, there was a sense of resentment the doctor did not want to tamp down. 

 

Reilly, Komack, and the two unnamed staff members were soon next to them. “Is he ok-kay?” Komack asked. 

 

McCoy wanted to shout and say that they could ask Spock directly, but he realized that Spock had stilled. McCoy grabbed the Vulcan’s wrist and saw that there was still a pulse, although it was slower. After counting the beats, he thought back to the pulse range that indicated a healing trance, and the doctor breathed a sigh of relief. 

 

“As long as he gets to the infirmary soon, he should be okay.”

 

“Hopefully he will ch-change his mind about his c-captain not being dangerous.” 

 

McCoy bit back a nasty retort at the statement clearly uttered in the spirit of “I told you so.” The interesting part was that McCoy knew that Spock would never think that about Kirk, and there would likely not be a force in the universe that would stop him from trying to go after the captain once he got better. McCoy wanted to be touched, but instead he was convinced that he was about to lose both of his best friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to comment on why McCoy is so harsh. I have always been driven batty in other fics that play t'hy'la as a "meant to be" type thing. I enjoy reading it quite a bit, but I always find it hard to believe that James Kirk - the ultimate humanist who doesnt believe in destiny - would always accept it so readily. It always seems to be accompanied by Spock being somewhat codependant, which - as a mental health professional - I can't get behind. While it is easy for me to buy from a character standpoint (for reasons I will explain on request), it's hard for me to write without at least providing some objection. This will be explored more in the rest of the story, but it's something I felt the need to address.


	11. Chapter 11

“Holy shit,” Kirk muttered once he realized how high up he was. He barely remembered commanding the snow to force the air around him to lift him at least five hundred feet off the ground. It was another one of those moments where the powers seemed to have a mind of their own. This should have scared the former captain, but he could not bring himself to care. 

The numbness was replaced with a sort of euphoria. In the days since he started hiding his powers, they were still strengthening under his skin. Kirk found it hard to believe he was causing the white-out conditions in all directions, but he could think of nothing to blame instead. Kirk could not help but remember Delta Vega, which in turn brought his mind to Spock, and the look on his face when they finally said goodbye. 

Sadness crept back up at the idea of never seeing Spock again, but he tamped it down as much as he could. He made his choice. There was no more reason to conceal his powers. The freedom from this decision made Kirk feel like he had been released from years of captivity as opposed to hours. True, he did not intend to make a blizzard this massive, but it could only be good thing. Once his influence died out and the summer returned, everyone would leave the planet and would eventually forget about both him and Tarsus IV. His friends would be fine, and they would hopefully think of him as a lost cause. 

Soreness crept up his arms, and Kirk realized he was starting to wheeze at the thin air. The adrenaline was wearing off, and it was better he find a place to land now before exhaustion made the decision for him. However, it would have to be a place where he could not be easily pursued, like the mountains or an island of some kind. 

As he was about to turn toward the nearby range, he saw a form through the blowing snow. The spires and height were massive, and towered over several buildings that were diminutive in comparison. Kodo’s castle. 

A memory overtook him of seeing the castle at the exact same angle from the window of a Federation shuttle. Just as it had then, bile rose in his throat as recollections of the place flashed through his mind. 

Kirk knew he should turn away and head toward the mountains, but this cursed place acted like a magnet. He circled the building. As his orbits shrunk, he spiraled closer and closer to the ground. His view became clearer as the wind around him calmed, he could see the signs of age and wear on the once intimidating palace. At the time it was built, no one thought much of their eccentric, wealthy governor building a such a ostentatious focal point for colony’s main hub. As Spock had said earlier, many others had done similar things with other colonies. The medieval design only took on a bitter irony when the blood started to spill. 

Kirk knew that the desperate need for closure that drove him to this planet was also driving him to the castle. That should have been an indication that it was a bad idea to land in the courtyard in front of the massive entrance. Kirk concentrated and willed the wind to calm within the boundaries of the city. Then, using energy from his hands, he created massive walls of ice around the tiny settlement so he would not be disturbed. 

This tiny pocket of civilization could barely be described as a town. It was where many of the colony officials had lived, and was also where many of the connections to the outside world - stores, restaurants, communication hubs - were housed. The rest of the colony - Kirk and his family included - lived on agricultural homesteads that filled the entire valley. Based on what he had seen so far, most of the land had been retaken by natural flora - or it had been until his blizzard killed it. Kirk did not know how the land he once worked on looked now, but he really had no desire to see for himself. The castle he now stared at was the place his soul yearned to see.

The building itself still looked impressive. It was not the largest building he had ever seen - it only rose about 200 feet in the air - but to his thirteen year-old self, it was awe-inspiring, especially since no other building in the colony was more than one story. 

The only evidence of large fire that supposedly killed the governor was the black charred marks that formed long streaks above the windows. The flame retardant building materials had done their job, although the items inside were probably not so lucky. 

Kirk stepped forward to the large wooden doors that heralded the entrance. While his practical side screamed at him to not go any further, the louder part of him prevailed. He grabbed the twisted metal that made up the handle and pulled.

As he entered the unkept building, the overwhelming smell of burnt carbon hit Kirk in the face. Even the slow opening of the door was enough to kick up soot, making his eyes burn and water. A swipe of the hand caused a puff of air to banish the soot, and also create a thin layer of ice on the floor around him.

After he got himself situated, he looked at the empty lobby. This was a public space when it was operational - the only way Kodos could justify having such a massive building as the governor’s residence. In brighter days, Kirk remembered coming here to renew their homestead license and to use the comms to talk to his mother. When the famine hit, he and his uncle would come to get their ration cards and emergency supplies. In the darkest days, it was through this room that he and a group of his peers were marched toward a then unknown purpose. Before he left his homestead, his aunt and uncle speculated that they would be sending the younger children back to Earth so they could escape the hardship of the colony. Looking back, this speculation was purely wishful thinking. The only youths gathered up were boys, and there was no reason to only send minors back when many of them did not have any family off-colony. However, even as the younger Kirk took that long walk through the lobby, there was a glimmer of hope in his mind they would be now able to do something to help their families survive until Federation help came. 

Kirk snorted at the naiveté of his fifteen year-old self. After being beaten at the hand of his stepfather and practically abandoned by his mother, one would think there would be less of a propensity to be such a sucker.

The captain walked through the lobby, taking the same path he walked all those years ago. Broken glass and pieces of shattered technology crunched under his feet, causing an echo against the high arched ceiling. The work desks and the line of public-use comms stood abandoned. Kirk could have sworn he saw the ghosts of personnel going about their business as if disaster were not on the horizon. 

At last, he made it to the main information desk at the end of the room. Massive screens that once projected weather conditions and important comm frequencies were blank and cracked. a small push would likely cause them to fall from their elevated perch. However, this was not the goal of Kirk’s walk. He turned to the left and faced the opening in the wall where an unremarkable door reading “AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY” once stood. The wooden door had been burned into nonexistence, and now a burst of black surrounded the cavity. 

The feeling of uncertainty from long ago returned one Kirk stepped through the precipice. He opened his hand and created a ball of blue energy to break through the pitch darkness. Just as it had back then, the sound of his footsteps and his heavy breathing resonated in the narrow stairwell. The passageway spiraled up the tower until it reached the first landing. Once again, the door was gone and the passage was wide open for Kirk to enter. 

This area was where Kodos had lived - where all the misery had originated. The black skeleton of his mahogany desk stood by the window, as did what remained of the chairs in the sitting area. A fireplace sat cold within the wall that separated the sleeping nook from the common area. 

Kirk walked forward in a daze. Once he saw the corner of the bed - or what was left of it - his breath caught. The clear image from a buried memory filled in what fire had burned away. 

_“Ah, Mr. Reilly, Mr. Finn, Mr. Evans, and Mr. Kirk. You did well, Steven. What good strong boys you have for me.”_

_“Excuse me, Governor.”_

_“Yes, Mr. Kirk.”_

_“What exactly will we be doing to help the colony? No one told us when we were brought here.”_

_“Oh, what a curious young man you are. We will get to that later, but first, I want you boys to do me a favor.”_

Kirk screamed and shut his mind’s gate on the oncoming memories, but the damage had been done. What happened after his inquiry was as fresh in his mind as the day he received the Enterprise. Not only was it the end of any sliver of innocence he had left, but it was the ghost that followed him for years. The ghost that made him like a taut rubber band in all his relationships, preparing for the tiniest touch to break him. He never stopped feeling dirty from the way the old man touched him. No matter how many showers he took in the past decade, it never washed away the layer of scum. Kirk had no idea how he kept so much of the humanity they tried to strip from him, but he was thankful to any deity listening that he was able to resist when they put a rifle in his hand for the purpose of killing his neighbors. 

Kirk fell to his knees after letting out a physical growl at the unfairness. All of the wonderful things that had happened in his life were still not enough to erase the horror of this place. He did the first thing his instincts told him to do and threw a ball of energy at the fireplace, creating another intricate formation around it. It did nothing to destroy the structure, but appeared to preserve it. That was the last thing Kirk wanted. 

The captain picked up one of the stray pieces of brick scattered on the ground and threw it at one of the chairs. The seat shattered and the pieces flew in all directions. However, not even that could satisfy Kirk. It had to go further.

Kirk looked to the block of ice that now surrounded the fireplace, and then got a sudden thought. He stretched out his hand to the formation and made it expand. It grew into the wall causing large fissures to form. Inside the cracks, the ice slipped inside and spread so structural integrity could be maintained. A picture flashed in Kirk’s head of the flowery wallpaper his grandmother had at her house, and the sheets of ice covering the walls swirled into patterns resembling flowers. 

Once he started the process, it was hard for Kirk to stop. Soon, the floors underneath him were being split apart. Windows shattered. Curtains ripped. The charred black surfaces started to sparkle with a shimmering sheen. The ghostly atmosphere of the room was gone and it looked alive again, but even this was not enough. 

Kirk ran back down the hall to the spiral staircase and back to the lobby. He created ice to cover every surface, finally causing the dark monitors to fall and shatter while the desks crumbled under the weight. The ice formed buttresses and arched ceilings that created a majestic hall resembling a cathedral. The broken pieces of furniture were picked up by the growing glaciers and assimilated into statues of Kirk’s favorite childhood heroes - Peter Pevansie, Lyra Belequa, Frodo Baggins, and…Spock. 

Once the entire hall was transformed, Kirk stared at the statue he unconsciously created. His friend’s likeness stood straight at parade rest and stared forward at nothing in particular. However, the expression on his face was not hard and stoic as he normally was. The sculpture appeared to capture the tiniest details of the expression his First Officer gave him when they shared a joke or when they had a victory over an enemy or when they had a conversation that drew them closer. 

A tear trailed down Kirk’s cheek, and he quickly wiped it away. He needed to get rid of this statue, but he could not bring himself to do so. He would never see Spock again, and a sculpture would not change that. Then again, maybe he needed a reminder as to why he could never go back - why everyone was better off without him. 

Even without ice powers, it was only a matter of time before his past caught up with him. In his life, tragedy was like a creeping banshee, looking to destroy any victory and bring him down further. At least he would not bring his best friend down with him. 

Kirk’s mind told him it was for the best, yet loneliness continued to claw at his insides. He ran outside to get away from Spock’s artifice that only reminded him of how he missed the real thing, as well as Bones, Uhura, Sulu, the Enterprise, and even his mother. 

Kirk tripped and fell into the snow once he made it outside. He could not bring himself to get to his feet, or even move. Kirk merely rolled onto his back and looked up at the castle. There was little external evidence of what he did to the inside, which made Kirk wonder. Why not turn this entire place into a thing of beauty? Mrs. Karidian was right. Leaving this place as a ruin did not do any favors for those who died, but neither did preserving this monstrosity. If Kirk’s new destiny was to be alone, then why not do it in a castle? He was already feared, why not add an intimidating house to the lists of reasons? Kirk extended two fingers and swung his arm like a music conductor, thereby creating new spires and towers out of the old. When he was back inside, he would go from room to room and include more detail. For now, though, the beauty of his new creation satisfied him. 

Or did it? 

The empty hollow space he ran to escape made itself known again. His new large home did nothing for him. Kirk had never wanted a castle or riches, but to make a difference - to do something that would make his pitiful life mean something. The hollowness in his heart where that desire once lived ached as his mind resigned itself to his fate. He would never again make a difference. He had no ship or crew. The people on this planet were likely evacuating. Sentient life on this planet would take millions of years to develop from the current fauna. He could possibly steal a ship and go vigilant, but that would constitute him forever being on the run. 

Kirk needed freedom more than anything else, and the freedom he now had to use his powers without the chance of hurting people was worth more than anything. 

Kirk let out a breath, making a conscious effort to cage his emotions. Just like the inevitability of oblivion, his future was something he would have to ban from his mind if he was going to stay sane. That and his friends. 

Something in him fought when he thought about forgetting the people he cared about, particularly Spock. However, unless he wanted to be miserable in this new life, he would need to leave the past behind him. Spock would have to be no more than a memory. 

Kirk knew he could not turn his back on his old life without saying a proper goodbye. The one he gave to Bones and Spock hours ago was rushed and not at all respectful to the time they had together. If only there was a way that Kirk could let them know…

An idea came into his mind that seemed somewhat trite, but there was something about it that made him smile. If there was even a small chance Spock and Bones were still on the planet, this would hopefully tell them he was okay, and there was no need to worry about him anymore. Thinking back to the night he injured his First Officer, he concentrated on the patch of snow beside him. Out of it rose a replica of the small model of the Enterprise he had made before everything went to hell. 

The tiny ship floated in place as if waiting for orders from it’s creator. Kirk knew he had to send it toward the camp, but there was something missing. He examined the model and even ran his finger along the side of the saucer to feel the grooves, but he could not think of what it lacked. He had no time to be a perfectionist, though. His friends could be leaving the planet at any minute. Something had to be sent before they left. 

Before his creation flew off, though, Kirk brought it closer so he could kiss it at the tip of the saucer. It was a strange compulsion, but somehow that eliminated his uneasiness. 

“Jesus, that was cheesy,” Kirk said while laughing. He did not think on what this meant, but rather focused on his model flying over the wall and in the direction of his friends. 

oOoOo

When Spock woke, he felt two distinct and familiar presences nearby. The smells that hit his nostrils stunk of sterile instruments and saline, which told him he was in a hospital setting of some kind - his second visit in a week. 

“Leonard, he’s awake,” said Uhura’s voice.

“After only three hours, too. That must be a record.” McCoy’s unaffected tone wavered as he spoke. 

“Where…what happened?” Spock’s mind tried to reorganize as it worked against the drugs that were in his system. The first distinct feeling was the emptiness that hovered in his chest. 

“We were both pretty close to hypothermia when a rescue flitter showed up for the Admirals. We’re in stronger temporary building with all the other folks stuck on the planet.” 

“Stuck?” 

“Yeah,” Uhura said. Spock could practically feel her angrily crossing her arms. “You have some explaining to do.” 

“What are you doing here, Nyota?” Spock croaked, not yet opening his eyes.

Uhura did not seem affected by the blunt question. “We all heard what happened with Jim, so Sulu and I came to see if what they were saying was true. Once we got here, the winter hit. Why the hell did you hide this from me, Spock?” 

At this point, Spock knew it was necessary to open his eyes and look at the scowl on her face. “It was necessary.” 

“It was _not_ necessary. Have you seen what he has done to the outside? That could have easily happened on the ship.” 

“I could not let him be taken away from us.”

“Well, maybe he needed to be. What he did to this planet shows a clear disregard for the life already here. We’re going to have to evacuate…”

“We both know the speech, Nyota,” McCoy grumbled from the other side of the bed. “Admiral Komack gave us the whole spiel.” 

Uhura sighed. “You can’t fault me for making sure it sinks in. Maybe if we would have intervened earlier they would not have to…” Uhura hesitated and put her hand in her face. She seemed to be fighting down emotions, and this alarmed Spock. One of the things he admired about Nyota was her firm control over her expressions. Only something serious would make her waver. 

“What is the matter? What are they going to do to Jim?” 

McCoy said, “They’re going after him to stop this winter. None of us know what they’re going to do, but…they’re taking some major firepower with them.” 

Spock could not stop both his eyebrows from going up. “Why?” 

“Because we’re all trapped,” Uhura said. “The weather isn’t violent, but it’s getting colder and spreading around the planet. None of our shuttle crafts are working anymore, and something in the clouds is interfering with the Enterprise’s transporters. The local air cars are built to handle planet side winters, but they can only work on-planet and evacuating to the other hemisphere will do no good if we are going to get overtaken by winter anyway. If they can’t get Jim to lift this freeze, we’ll all die.” 

Spock supported himself on his elbows and willed his heart to slow. “This is illogical. There is no way Jim could be that powerful.” 

“What else do you think is controlling this winter? You think Jim has become buddies with Jack Frost? I’m…sorry, Spock. We tried to tell them, but we have no case. We screwed up. All we can do is pray Jim cooperates.” 

“What if he cannot? What if Jim is unaware of what he is doing and unable to stop it?” 

McCoy sighed. “We know that, but they don’t. They won’t hesitate to kill him…”

“No!” Spock shouted, startling Uhura. “Starfleet would never do such a thing.” 

“They did it with Gary Mitchell.” 

“That was different. Gary’s power would have put the entire galaxy in jeopardy.” 

“They don’t know if Jim could do the same thing.” 

“He is still himself, though. His mind has not been altered. He does not want to hurt anybody.” 

“Well, despite what his intentions are, he is hurting people. I’m sorry, Spock. You know how much I love that kid, but I can’t argue against them going to find him, and it would be suicide to try and protect him.” 

“But there has to be another way. How can the man who brought him back from the dead simply give up on him.” 

“Listen you…” McCoy took a breath to school his anger. “I did not give up on him. I begged and I pleaded with them to just leave them alone, of to at least let me sedate him. As you can imagine, it was a bit hard to do after what he has done. The last time, he had saved the ship and there just so happened to be a superman nearby as out deus ex machina.” Spock noticed wetness in McCoy’s eyes as he spoke. “That does not exist here. I tried presenting my findings, but there is no cure and no evidence of Jim ever causing the ice to wear off. There are hundreds of people on this planet, Spock. We can’t risk their lives. I’m sorry, but…I’m a doctor. I have to preserve as much life as possible, and people here are going to die if this winter doesn't stop. The folks in the security meeting at least promised they would try and re-capture him and send him off planet. At least then he would be alive.”

“But he would never see the light of day again.” 

McCoy sighed. “It’s better than the alternative, Spock.” 

Spock threw the covers off himself and bolted to a sitting position, ignoring the sudden dizziness. “Once Jim knows what he is doing, I know he will find a way to stop it, as long as…as long as….” 

Uhura put a hand on his chest and pushed him back on the bed. The action was easy since Spock was still out of sorts. “The team they send is going to try and negotiate. If Jim really can’t control these powers, what makes you think you can fix this any more than they can?” 

Spock opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. For some reason, telling of his heart’s desire to anyone besides McCoy felt wrong.

“No need to get tongue-tied,” Uhura said in a softer tone. “McCoy already told me about your earlier self-discovery.” 

Spock furrowed his brow and looked toward McCoy with a murderous expression. 

“Sorry, Spock,” McCoy said without a hint of contrition in his face. “I had to prepare her for what you would do when you woke up.” 

“Don’t blame him,” Uhura said, shifting the Vulcan’s focus. “I’m glad I know, because I’m gonna give you some logic to ponder. What are you going to do to help him? We both know that the ‘power of love’ only exists in kid’s cartoons. There is nothing that will stop either this winter or Jim himself from killing you if you go after him. Do you think that will help matters? If anything, it will destroy Jim, thereby making these powers worse.” 

Spock breathed in and out slowly. Yes, Uhura was right. It would not be practical to go on a suicide mission to prevent something that appeared unpreventable. Kirk told them not to come after him, and perhaps he did mean all of this as some sort of prevention. Kirk was smart, and he would no what he had to to not be found. 

That said, Spock’s heart would not take no for an answer. He could not give up on his t’hy’la - the one his katra had chosen. Kirk’s arms were the place he belonged, and he would not give up on him simply because of some harsh weather. He would find Kirk and tell him of his feelings…

But what if he did not return them? What then? What if these feelings were not enough to bring Kirk back, and only repelled him. McCoy had been straightforward about the captain’s difficultly with relationships. Maybe the reason he left so easily was because his feelings for his friends were not as strong as he let on. Yes, Spock wanted Kirk back, but would him professing his feelings really do anything? Would they only provide a sense of closure that would result in his death? This would only give Kirk more of a reason to isolate and not return to his home. No, there was not any logic in following his heart. Uhura was right. McCoy was right. 

Spock held back a whimper. Why was the universe so cruel? He finally realized what beautiful feelings existed for his captain, but now he would never be able to explore them. Thanks to the captain’s recklessness, any hope they had for a future was dashed. Why did he have to fall in love with such a self-destructive human? Why was he destined to live a hollow life because of the curse of logic.

“I must be alone for a moment,” Spock said in a dark monotone. He slipped out from underneath Uhura’s hand before she could react. 

“Hold it, Spock. Where are you going?” 

“You’re still recovering, dammit!” 

“I wish to be alone with my thoughts.” Spock’s words were more forceful this time, making both of his friends step back. They seemed to understand the gravity of what the Vulcan was going through, and did not push. 

Spock wrapped the blanket around himself and opened the door, only to find a startled Kevin Reilly standing millimeters away from it, pretending like he had not been leaning in to listen seconds earlier. 

“What are you doing here?” Spock demanded, his eyes fiery. Kevin opened and closed his mouth like a fish, unable to form words. Lacking the patience to deal with this boy, Spock brushed past him. 

Interestingly, he was in once of the few private rooms in the sickbay. The room he walked through was like an old-fashioned Terran army hospital, with rows of people lying on beds covered in layers of blankets. Spock ignored them, and made his way to the door leading to the outside. he was tempted to exit in order to get away from the onslaught of frightened psychic energy, but even as he approached the door, there was an atmosphere of bitter cold that leaked through. Spock’s survival instincts kicked in at that point and prevented him from going any further. The Vulcan was reminded of another reason why a trek to find Kirk would be a bad idea. If his lower processes reacted this way to only this amount of cold, it would be a stretch to expect his body to function in the current conditions. 

Spock casually abandoned the door and instead stood by the window. A light snow was falling on the already covered ground. The mountains in the distance were beautiful under their white blanket. In a way, it seemed to whitewash the air of death that still lingered in the minds of many. Maybe this was the reason Kirk created this winter. It would be selfish, but at least it would be a reason. 

Thoughts of Kirk inevitably led to images of the man himself. Spock closed his eyes and imagined those deep, blue eyes. The dirty blonde hair. The rolling muscles. The kind and clear laugh. The confidence in his voice. The warmth that emanated from every touch. 

How could I have not known sooner? Spock thought to himself. There were so many moments when he should have realized what he felt for Kirk, but he was too frightened or too stubborn to see how his emotions were changing. If he had only known sooner…if he and Kirk had a chance to try an intimate relationship…

Spock wrenched his eyes open to stop these painful thoughts, but what he saw out the window only caused more confusion. It was a familiar model of the Enterprise floating at eye-level outside the window. Just as it had the last time, there was a blue glow in the Enterprise and striking detail that continued to dazzle. 

“Jim,” Spock whispered as he put his hand on the window. The tiny ship inched closer, as if reacting to the Vulcan’s observation of it. Something inside the ship - whether Kirk intended it or not - sought out Spock. It was likely Kirk did not even know what it was, but it was strong enough to bring a sense of life to this lifeless frozen compound. 

All of a sudden, Spock’s emotions took a sudden turn. This was a sign there was something in Kirk that reacted to this pull, that a part of the human returned his feelings. Whether they were romantic or platonic, they were nonetheless powerful, and somehow the ice powers recognized them. How else could this statue react to him in such a way?

He had to find Kirk. There had to be some way they could fix this together. 

“Mr. Spock.” 

Spock was tempted to ignore Kevin’s voice behind him. Instead, he turned, but made a move to block the image of Kirk’s special gift to him. 

“Can I help you, Mr. Reilly?” 

“I swear I wasn’t spying for my father. I don’t want to hurt Jim.” 

“I never said you were…” 

“I want to help him. He saved my life, you know. Back then. I owe him a lot.” 

Spock lifted an eyebrow, suddenly curious as to what this young man was trying to say.

“My father was given an air car, and I want to help you get to Jim with it. Kodos’ castle has been overtaken by ice, so my dad and Komack thinks that’s where he’s settled for some reason. If we can get there before them and warn Kirk, maybe he could get rid of this winter. That way, they won’t have to lock him up, and you guys will be…together. If not…then maybe you could find a way to run off and be free somewhere else. I don’t know. I just…I don’t know what my dad is planning to do, but he seems to want to use Kirk the way Marcus used Khan. I…don’t want that to happen to him. I don’t think it’s the only way.” 

Spock stepped slightly closer to the boy and tried to pick up on any thoughts. All Spock received was sincerity, and a desire to help. 

The primitive in Spock wanted to fetch Kirk alone, but he knew that would not be possible. In all likelihood, this offer was sincere, and it would be the height of illogic to turn it down. Kodos’ castle was too far to reach with any other vehicle, so an air car would be the only alternative. 

“Kevin, don’t think I’m finished with you!” McCoy shouted from across the room, causing several of the nurses to loudly shush him. McCoy dismissed them with a wave of his hand and Uhura gave an apologetic look as she followed close behind. 

“What the hell is that?” Uhura commented once the two made to Spock’s window. Her gaze told Spock that she had seen the icy model and he was not covering it as well as he thought he was.

“A present from Jim.” Spock replied. Before she or Uhura could respond, Spock jumped in. “I am going after Jim, and Kevin is going to help me. Come along if you wish, but I refuse to allow my t’hy’la to isolate himself like this. We will cease the winter, and leave this planet. 

“I know the risks, and your point of view is sound, but I owe Jim my life, as do all of us. It was a mistake to not reveal these powers, but I realize now it was because I feared them, and I feared what Jim would do with them. I did not allow him to embrace them as a part of himself rather than a curse. You were right, Nyota. We should have handled this situation differently. However, we are by no means too late to fix what we have caused. Jim is important to all of us, and he would find a way to help if any of us were in the same situation. No matter what the risks, I will find a way to bring Jim home.”


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 

If there was one human trait Spock was thankful for, it was the propensity for distraction. Spock and Kevin managed to sneak out of the back of the infirmary with minimal notice. The largest obstacle was convincing McCoy their quest was a good idea. 

"Are you out of your Vulcan mind?" was repeated at least three times, and the doctor made several empty threats to report their unauthorized journey to the admiralty. 

"If we do not go now, then we will be too late," Spock countered while gathering some modest rations from their private room. "It will not only become too cold to continue, but Jim will be beyond our reach."

As Kevin ran in with a pile of coats he snuck from the coat room, Uhura again tried to silence McCoy protests. 

"Leonard, this is pointless. He's going, and you are not going to stop him. Let him go after the man he loves." 

McCoy sighed. “Love makes people stupid. Trust me, I wrote the book on it.” 

"Doctor, I acknowledge what I am doing is what some might call 'stupid,' but I am doing it anyway." 

"I think it's kind of romantic," Kevin commented while slipping on a particularly large overcoat. "I mean, I've always dreamed of a girl doing something like this for me - going after me no matter what the odds." 

"There's a reason you only hear about that in stories," McCoy grunted, although Spock could tell he was starting to waver. The Vulcan knew the doctor wanted Kirk back almost as much as Spock did. "I still don't understand what you’re planning to do when you find him. It's not like Starfleet is gonna forgive and forget, not matter what Komack says." 

"We will figure it out." Spock knew it was not a much of a reassurance, but it was all he could offer at the moment. Beyond helping Kirk find a way to banish the winter on his own, there was little else he could think to do. 

Within a few minutes, Spock and Kevin were out the side door with McCoy and Nyota were watching their retreat toward the community hanger from out the window. 

The current administrative compound for Tarsus was made up of a grid of temporary buildings that were in close proximity to each other. There were some other clothed figures still walking between buildings, so Spock and Kevin were not completely out of place. However, they knew they would need to reach their destination before their bosses noticed they were missing.

The hanger was only a three minute walk, which Spock was thankful for. Even with the heavy fur coat, the temperature was oppressive to his copper blood. By Spock's estimation, the current conditions were approximately ten degrees below zero Celsius - an unthinkable condition in the former Vulcan's inhabited areas. 

Once they reached the maintenance entrance, Kevin produced two badges out of a side pocket and waved it over an unremarkable black square embedded into the wall. A green light preceded the door sliding open and the two men slipped inside. 

"Dad's flitter’s near the easterly corner. It should be the biggest thing in this place.” 

Spock oriented himself to which way was east and faced that way. The large room was not as crowded as other hangers on similar colonies, which made spotting the lone luxury craft easy. It’s multiple windows, immense size, and the “Forest River Inc.” insignia on the side indicated that it was a vacation craft of some kind. 

The Vulcan tilted his head in curiosity, but did not inquire. There was a faint echo of other beings in the building that was getting louder. Kevin likely heard it, too, because he seemed startled and motioned for both of them to quicken their pace. Even with their light jog, the hundred-foot trek across the hanger felt like crossing a vast minefield. Both men felt exposed, and distinctly unwelcome in this place. Kevin’s stealth approach did not help matters. 

Once they made it to the flitter, Kevin used he fingerprint to unlock the door, and they both slipped inside. 

Once they were no longer out in the open, Spock finally decided to quench his interest in this anomaly. “I must confess I am at a loss as to why your father would take his vacation vehicle to this planet where you have experienced such hardship.”

Kevin let out a sigh. “Let’s just say we both reacted differently to losing mom here.” 

Spock felt a pang in his side. “I grieve with thee.” 

The young man winced before nodding in acknowledgment. He made his way to the front of the ship where he pulled back a red curtain to reveal a cockpit. He adjusted the tint of the windshield so no one could see in, and immediately powered up the vehicle. 

“My dad wanted to prove that he had moved on,” Kevin continued. “He didn’t pressure me to do the same until I joined Starfleet last fall. He said we needed “strong men” to fight the next Nero. Dad brought our craft here so we could camp by one of the lakes he always used to take me as a kid - sort of a “first step,” if you will. I didn’t want anything to do with it, but he didn’t give me much of a choice.”

Spock sat on a bench in the modified living room. He looked down the small hallway that no doubt led to the sleeping and bathing quarters. As he often did when examining new surroundings, he made sure to familiarize himself with as many details as he could. This was more difficult as he simultaneously processed the emotionally charged conversation with Kevin and figured out what he would say to Kirk when he saw him. 

“It appears your father has good intentions, but those are often meaningless in the end.” 

Kevin let out a laugh. “Clearly. Dad is not exactly subtle about his admiration of what Admiral Marcus tried to do before he let his ego get away from him.” 

Spock’s jaw clenched at the use of the late Admiral’s name. 

“Okay, now we’re…what the…” 

The abrupt shift in attention made Spock perk up and look toward the windshield. The transparent aluminum was tinted to the point no one could see inside, but from their vantage point, they could clearly see five men standing next to a smaller flitter and having an inaudible conversation. Three were dressed like security personnel. One was Admiral Reilly. The man’s presence was not a surprise, but actual shock came when Spock saw the younger man in an engineering jumpsuit standing next to him. The Vulcan stood and leaned over Kevin’s shoulder to ensure his eyes were not deceiving him. 

“Who is that guy with my dad?” Kevin said once he noticed Spock’s transparent expression. 

“Ensign Higgins,” Spock said in low monotone. “He tried to kill the captain and I. He is supposed to be in our brig awaiting transport to a Starbase for trial.” 

Kevin’s eyebrows went up to his hairline. “What’s he doing out here, then?” 

“I can only speculate that he is here because he is one of the few who has seen Jim use his powers.” 

“But what about all the people at the party?” 

“I suspect a peaceful party guest is not what the admiral is looking for.”

“Do you think they are going to try bringing Jim back by force?” 

“Vulcans do not speculate, and I do not have enough data to come to such a conclusion.”

“Well, I can speculate, and this means we should get going.” 

Spock lifted an eyebrow. “You are not concerned about your father’s presence?” 

Kevin smirked and pulled a communicator out of his pocket. Upon flipping it open, he said, “Hey, look who’s here.” 

Admiral Reilly appeared startled and looked toward them. Kevin then flashed the headlights twice. The older man smiled and waved to him while Higgins scowled beside him. 

“Hey, Kevin. You’re just in time. Pretty soon it’s going to be too late to get the flitter to the other continent.” 

Kevin ignored Spock’s two raised eyebrows as he said, “I’m gonna be leaving in a second, although I have to ask what the entourage is for.” 

Reilly voice changed to a more stern tone. “We’re not talking about this anymore, son. Just get yourself to someplace warm.” 

“Okay, okay. I’m going.” Kevin clicked the communicator closed, and looked to Spock sheepishly. 

“If your father knows you were going to use his craft, why did we sneak in here?” 

“Because if I brought you with me, it would be obvious that I was lying about what I wanted to use her for. I’ve always been one to kiss my dad’s ass, and God knows I’m thankful for that brown nosed reputation in times like this.” 

Spock sat down in the co-pilot’s chair and and tried to hide his amusement at the ingenuity of Kirk’s old friend. He had clearly chosen a good traveling companion. 

As the engine revved up, and the vehicle lifted from the ground, Spock finally decided to focus his energies on bringing Kirk home. His captain was a stubborn man, and a large amount of verbal gymnastic would be necessary in order to have him come willingly. However, that would not be the hardest part. Convincing Kirk to try and reign in the winter and his powers would be like teaching him to read English using War and Peace in the original Russian. The immediate action needed was going to be difficult to achieve without proper context or knowledge of how the powers worked. All Spock knew was that they were linked to emotions. How was Spock supposed to work with this, particularly when the planet they were trapped on had such emotional resonance with Kirk? 

“I’m heading around this mountain over here to make Dad think we’re heading in another direction.” 

Spock barely heard Kevin’s announcement. The entity making up his affection for Kirk fought for attention, and pushed him to find a solution. There was also the dread brought on by Higgins’ appearance and the continued fatigue from his recent hypothermia. Even if he did have his faculties, though, there was no data to create a solid plan.

Spock clenched his fists and braced himself as the ship shook and lifted into the air. The windows immediately fogged, making the windshield the only way to see the outside. The Vulcan decided to give into his Human anxiety and look away. He could not allow the closeness of his encounter with Kirk to distract him. 

oOoOo

After a half-hour of travel, Kevin announced the castle was in sight. They were less than twenty minutes away. Spock’s brain had barely scratched the surface of possible solutions, and the climax was already minutes away. 

The communicators stopped working once they reach a three-kilometer distance from the compound. Spock was unsure why this was, as well as why the transporters were not able to penetrate the winter. There was a good possibility ionic pulses were involved in the creation of the cold, which would add a new variable to Kirk’s powers. Spock was unsure what was worse when trying to figure out a problem - too few variables, or too many. In this case, there were far too few. 

“We’re almost there, Mr. Spock.” 

“I can see that, Mr. Reilly.” 

“Do you want me to do anything while you try to talk to him?” 

Spock did not want to take Kevin with him into the castle. No matter what the youth said, there was no way he was making him relive whatever trauma he endured there. 

“I will need you to stay with the flitter, and keep it as warm as possible.” 

Kevin nodded, appearing relieved. It appeared that Kevin was employing a common politeness tactic among humans that was rarely sincere. “I’m gonna need to turn it off to save fuel, but that will only give you a half an hour to get in there and come out before the engines freeze. This thing has the power to drive through blizzards, but not to sit idle in the middle of them.”

Spock was unsure if a half hour was enough time, but if worst came to worst, he could use a nerve pinch to subdue Kirk and bring him to the craft by force. That way, they could get someplace secret until his goal was achieved. 

The Vulcan took the co-pilot’s seat as Kevin maneuvered the craft. Out of the corner of his eye, Spock saw Kevin’s eyes glistening as he tried not to look at the oncoming castle. 

“I can take over from here, Kevin,” Spock offered once he saw the youth’s hand’s trembling. A sudden panic attack would no doubt careen them into the building’s side. 

“Um…are you sure you know how to drive this thing?” 

“It appears to be among the more simple of human designs. I will manage adequately.”

“Okay…sure…I’m sorry, I thought I would handle…” 

“There is no need to be sorry, Mr. Reilly.” Spock did not feel the need to say more. He allowed the youth to leave the cockpit and lay down on the bench. Kevin appeared to be doing structured breathing exercises to get himself under control. Spock did his best to give him privacy. 

As soon as Spock looked forward toward the advancing castle, he noticed the ice model of the Enterprise was hovering by their side and aping the ships movements. He had been so focused on sneaking into the ship, that he likely missed the small statue continuing to seek him out. 

“I am on my way, Jim,” Spock whispered to the ship. Immediately he felt foolish since it was unlikely Kirk would be able to hear him through this model. 

Once Spock spotted the square at the foot of the castle, he initialized the small scanners to make sure they landed on solid ground and not a snowdrift. They successfully led him to the circular courtyard surrounding the massive doors, now adorned with swirling designs made out of ice. 

“We’re here?” Kevin asked, his voice much less shaky. 

“Yes.” The moment Spock powered down the craft, he jogged to where his coat lay and wrapped it around himself. “I must go now. Are there defensive weapons in this craft?” 

“Yeah. There’s a couple hunting phasers.” Spock lifted his eyebrows. “Yes I know they’re illegal, but…” 

“I am not concerned with the morality of your hunting activities. I need you to keep one closely in the event we are met by an unwelcome visitor.” 

“You’re not bringing one?” 

Spock shook his head. “I will not use a phaser on Jim. I believe I can resolve this issue without weapons.” 

“A hunting phaser can’t disintegrate anyone. It only causes one hole through the body. You could aim at his leg and…” 

“I know what a hunting phaser is, Mr. Reilly. I still will not use it. If you will excuse me, we are wasting precious moments. If I am not back in 29 minutes, turn on the engine to keep it warm. We must be able to leave this place.” 

“Whatever you say, Mr. Spock,” Kevin sighed. “I just will have to turn it off after a minute because we will need fuel to get as far away from here as possible.” 

Spock could not help but sense tension in the air at what he had said to the cadet. All this man had risked could not go unrecognized.

“Thank you, Kevin, for all you have done.” 

This earned a smile from the youth. “Anything for the guys who saved Earth.” 

Spock was tempted to mention all of the other people who helped them in that feat, but he was running low on time. He braced himself before opening the door and walking into the frigid air. 

After closing the door as fast as he could, Spock trudged through the thick snow with only regulation boots protecting his feet. The cold was like a solid entity, pushing at every square inch of his body to get inside and invade his system. Even the 51.5 meter walk to the castle looked like a trek. 

Spock knew there was no time for hesitation. He had go now. As he fought to take steps through the snow, he saw the floating Enterprise appear from behind the ship and float to his side. The inanimate object almost appeared…alive. 

Spock desired to ponder the implications of this observation. Was it really possible Kirk could create life from his powers? Could this be a clue to getting them under control? If it was a clue, Spock would require a long meditation to consider it fully, which was not an option at the moment.

Once he reached the door, Spock opened it with ease and rushed inside, letting the model go in before him. The inside was not a comfortable temperature, but at least it was bearable. He allowed the lapels of his coat to open as a result. 

The Vulcan was tempted to see the extent of Kirk’s powers evidenced in what was done to the castle, but cut those thoughts off. He needed to stay focused on his goal. There was a growing bubble of fear in his stomach, and he could not let it grow by studying what he was up against. 

After three steps, Spock slipped on the slick floor. The tiny Enterprise caught him before he fell forward, but it was still difficult to get his bearings. Looking to the end of the hall, it appeared that the entire floor was slick, and would take too much time to cross. Vulcans were not adapted to cold climates, so he would be at a disadvantage when balancing on the frictionless surface

Spock immediately knew there was only one way he could navigate this hall, but it would require testing a hypothesis. 

“Um…excuse me,” he said to the model. “Would you be so kind as to help me keep balance?” 

There was no outward acknowledgment from the ship, and Spock immediately felt foolish. The model did not move, and was still allowing him to hold on, so maybe there was no need for tacit agreement. Spock stepped forward with minute steps, and the ship traveled with him. He then experimented with longer strides, and the ship did not appear to waver in its altitude. Each time Spock slipped, he gripped his support tighter and continued without much lag. Within a minute, he found a good rhythm, and he was easily crossing the floor. After another minute, Spock realized the ship was starting to lead him. 

The blue lights still blinked on the sides of the saucer, and the engines had a similar glow to them. What was causing this? Spock always associated freezing with death. There were few creatures in the galaxy that did not rely on some form of heat to survive. Heat stimulated molecular movement and activity, and most life required such activity to continue its processes. How could energy that removes heat create any kind of life, particularly in a block of ice? What was it about this ship that was such as living contradiction? 

Spock’s only conclusion was that this thing was not alive at all, and was merely a drone that was carrying out a task. However, Kirk had said not to follow him. Was it possible he changed his mind and sent the ship to lead him here? This would bring the odds of success up considerably, but there was a problem with the hypothesis. Why did Kirk not come back himself? Why send for Spock? Maybe it was a method of protection since he knew Starfleet was after him, or maybe he wanted Spock to help him train so he could end the winter. 

Spock’s thoughts stopped as he saw the model take him through a small archway at the side of the entrance hall where ice-covered stairs stopped their pace. By now, Spock’s hands were numb from gripping the small ship and were starting to hurt. He let go with only minor discomfort, although the green tint on his hands was clear warning him that frostbite was if he held this lifeline for too long. 

“Thank you,” he said without looking at the model. If the ship was alive, he wanted to secure it’s future assistance. 

The dark corridor with the stairs would be an even more perilous journey, but at least there was a quicker way. Spock got on all fours after stretching his coat sleeves to cover his palms. Despite the protection, his knees and hands stung whenever the touched the surface. Spock went as quick as he could and put as little weight as possible on his digits. As he sped, his lack of energy became apparent. The cold air burned in his lungs and he started to feel light-headed. 

Spock could not stop, though. Kirk was up these stairs. Soon he would be reunited with his T’hyla. The joy and anticipation spurred him forward. His practical side did remind him of the danger of spooking his captain, though. While making himself known did run the risk of causing Kirk to flee, Spock also did not want to cause another accident.

“Jim!” Spock shouted. “Jim! It is Spock! Are you here?” 

The echo was the only response. Perhaps Kirk was somewhere else in the castle, or maybe he was not there at all. If that were the case, then Spock would have to explore this place to get a lead on where he went. 

After 2.4 minutes of continuing to climb the stairs with no end in sight, Spock learned an investigation was unnecessary. 

“Spock!” came an exasperated voice from higher in the tower. 

The sound of his name produced a reaction in Spock that caused his hand to slip. His entire body hit the jagged stairs with a thud. While such a fall would have barely registered were he in normal temperatures, his body’s current vulnerability caused the Vulcan to shout in pain. If it were not for Kirk’s arms quickly looping under in shoulders, Spock would have slid down to the bottom of the tower. 

“Jesus Christ, Spock,” Kirk grunted as he pulled the Vulcan to his feet. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

“I assumed the reason would be obvious,” Spock replied, slightly hurt at Kirk’s tone. 

Kirk sighed. “That would be fine, except I told you not to come looking for me. What would you do if someone followed you here? Do you want me to be locked up again?” 

“Jim, may we discuss this on a more level ground, please?” 

Kirk seemed to deflate at Spock’s soft request. “Yeah. My room is not that far from here.”

Kirk supported Spock on their trek up the stairs, led on by a tiny point of light ahead of them. While Spock’s night vision compensated nicely in this tower, it was unlikely Kirk could see as well. 

Once they reached the landing, the first thing Spock saw was a large block of ice covering what looked like a door. Kirk quickened their pace as they walked past, so Spock did not get a chance to examine it. The next entranceway was uncovered and open. Kirk led Spock into the small, modestly adorned room that had a window overlooking the square. Kirk dropped his friend on a nearby chaise lounge, and pulled the lapels of Spock’s coat so they bundled him up. 

“I know it’s not much, but I didn’t really expect any visitors.” Kirk’s tone was resigned as he sat at Spock’s feet, giving the Vulcan a full view. His captain looked pale and tired with a certain haunted pallor. “Speaking of which, do you mind telling me why you’re here.” Spock opened his mouth. “And if you say to bring me home, you’re wasting your time.” 

“That…was not my intention.” 

“Okay, then what was your intention?” 

“I want to help.” 

Kirk let out a humorless laugh. “That’s just as bad I guess. You're not in any shape to help anyone. You’re not exactly in your natural environment.” 

Spock gulped, suddenly unsure how to continue. Kirk was a stubborn and fiercely independent man. He was not one to simply acquiesce when someone offered help to him. “That does not mean I cannot offer assistance in you controlling your powers.” 

Kirk’s posture stiffened. “There is no help, Spock. We tried that, remember? I’m too dangerous. You’re safer with me out of the way.” 

“That is not true, Jim.” 

“Well, obviously, since you insist on coming after me. Why couldn't you just leave well enough alone?” 

Kirk did not appear to know about the worsening freeze outside, and how it was preventing many from leaving. Spock was tempted not to tell him at all, since the outward manifestation of his mental anguish was so disheartening. However, if Kirk were kept in ignorance, there would be no motivation to try and fix the problem. Kirk was a selfless individual, after all. He would do everything he could to save the trapped people. 

“It appears you are not aware of the situation back at the camp.” 

Kirk furrowed his brow. “What? I thought everyone left.” 

“We cannot leave, Jim. The cold you left behind is getting worse and spreading around the planet, and there are ions in the clouds that are interfering with our transporters. We cannot leave, and the primitive heating elements of this planet will not be able to keep the inhabitants warm for long.” 

“What the…” Kirk’s eyes were now wide with his bare hands in fists. “I never…how the…it can’t just be me doing that…” 

“There are no other logical sources, Jim.” 

Kirk stood and started to pace. His speed was frantic as he talked to himself in an inaudible manner. 

“Jim, there is no need to become hysterical. You can fix the winter…” 

“I can’t!” Kirk shouted, not slowing down. “I can’t unfreeze anything! I don’t know how!” 

Although it made his head spin, Spock sat up straight. “I have no doubt the man who made such beautiful alterations to this castle can learn a quick reversal.” 

Kirk stopped short and looked at Spock. The blue eyes contained fury, which made the Vulcan clench. 

“This castle isn't beautiful! I turned the damn thing to ice because people died here. This place should be torn to the ground! How can you say that, anyway? You’re supposed to be fucking logical, and the logical thing to do is leave me be before I cause more problems!” 

Despite the outburst from his friend, Spock remained calm. “I’m afraid I cannot do the logical thing when it comes to you, Jim.” 

“Clearly,” Kirk sighed. “How about you start, and get out.” 

“No.” 

Kirk appeared confused at the declaration. Spock had shifted strategies to match Kirk’s command style. In other words, Spock was “going with his gut.” 

“I am not leaving,” Spock continued. “I will not leave until we find a way to solve this.” 

“Or until the cold kills you.” Kirk’s voice cracked at the last word.

“You underestimate me.” 

“Jesus, Spock, you can barely stand! This is killing you! How did you get here, anyway?” 

“That does not matter. I cannot leave you, Jim. I will not leave you.” 

“Yes. You. Will! I will not have you die because of me.” 

Spock let his arms drop, which caused the coat to fall open. The Vulcan then stood on shaky legs. He wondered where the the tiny Enterprise went so he could support himself. Kirk started to walk toward him, but stopped after one step. Judging by his fists, it was becoming difficult to control his powers. 

At this point, Spock could not fault the logic of Kirk’s point of view. He was still weak and was not thinking as sharp as he normally did. That said, now that Kirk - with all the beauty and torture he entailed - was standing before him, not even the greatest armies of the universe could keep him away. The time was coming soon when he would have to tell Kirk the truth about his feelings. In fact, the time would have to come within minutes. Even if Kirk was repelled, he had to know why Spock would not leave. He had to know there was something to live for. 

Spock stepped forward. 

“Don’t come any closer! I don’t have my gloves, remember?” 

“Jim, I can help you find a cure for this winter. Please trust me.” 

“Weren’t you listening? I can’t. You should be back at the camp finding a way to get off this planet. There has to be some land mass on Tarsus that you can beam from. Please, just go! Don’t waste your time.” 

“I am not wasting my time. I am where I am supposed to be.” 

“No! I’m not worth it! I was never supposed to be captain. Starfleet’s happy to be rid of me. I’m sure Bones is happy to be rid of me. All I do is bring misery. This winter is just like a big fucking metaphor for my miserable life.” 

Spock’s eyes were watering. Every word Kirk spoke was a stab to his gut. How could this man say that about himself? He had done so many extraordinary things in his young life. 

“You are worth it.” 

“You know that’s not true. Stop trying to bring me back out of some misguided sense of loyalty.” 

“Jim,” Spock said, firmer now. He could not stand Kirk talking like this any longer. “I am not here out of loyalty. I…” Suddenly, Spock’s tongue stilled. For some reason, his mind stopped him from saying the words he desperately needed to articulate. He had said them to McCoy. Why could he not say them to Kirk? Why was he shaking at the thought of saying the very thing that could bring Kirk back from the brink?

“You what? You want to save those lives? Then do as I said and fucking evacuate them! No one should ever come back to Tarsus! I want to be alone.” 

“No, you do not.” 

Kirk finally snapped, and shot an energy beam away from Spock and at the window. A bloom of spiked ice erupted there. “Don’t tell me how I feel! I’m not going to put anyone else in danger. This filthy place…this horrible filthy place…” 

Spock’s senses tingled at the way Kirk said these things. It was like an itch under the skin that spread and made Spock feel uncomfortable. He knew this castle was where Kodos lived. He knew the memories here were excruciating. However, why was this place so different? Why did Kirk have to lie to his friends and crew in order to come here? The horrible events Kirk already relayed to him should have been enough, but there was a distinct feeling of something missing. There was something Kirk was not telling him about Tarsus. 

The protective instinct rose inside Spock. He needed to know. He wanted to help his beloved kill the demons that had followed him for years. 

“What happened here, Jim?” 

Kirk hesitated. “You know all about…” 

“No. What are you not telling me?” 

Kirk’s breathing accelerated. “Don’t go there, Spock. Please. Leave.” 

Spock stepped closer again. “Jim…” 

“ _I CAN’T_!!!” 

Kirk was faced perpendicular to Spock when he threw down his next energy beam, this one more powerful than the last. The impact caused blue, jagged pieced of ice to fly in every direction. One barely grazed Spock’s ear, but another went directly into his side - the side where his heart sat. 

oOoOo

Kevin did not see any other ships coming from the almost clear sky. The radar indicated no activity in the air. They were alone for the moment. However, there was about two minutes left before he would have to turn on the engines to prevent them from freezing. Based on his estimates, Kevin would only be able to do that twice before they did not have enough fuel to get to a safe spot. 

“Where are you guys?” Kevin grumbled to no one in particular. The cadet was tempted to go after Spock, but he knew that would be a stupid idea. 

A knock on the door shook him out of his stupor.

He looked at the monitor in the cockpit and saw one dot indicating a person was at his doorstep. However, farther into town, there was a grouping of about three others. There had been no indication of a ship coming in, so they must have beamed, although Kevin was not sure how. 

His father’s force had arrived earlier than he had anticipated, which meant he was caught red-handed. His father must have seen the familiar vacation cruiser and was now raging mad over his deception. 

Kevin’s heart beat fast as he tried to think of what to do. He had to find some what to explain to his father why he was doing the right thing. He would have to understand, especially with everything he and Kirk had been through together. 

That said, it would not be an easy sell. Another aggressive knock at the door reminded him that leaving his father out in the cold would do nothing but piss him off further. He would be let in, but Kevin would have to stall. 

Taking a deep breath, Kevin stood and power walked to the door. When he opened it, though, he did not find his father, but the man Spock identified as Higgins. 

“What are you doing here?” Higgins asked angrily, the think hood over his head not lessening the intimidation. 

Kevin was shocked into silence. Based on what Spock said, this man had tried to kill people. He could not be stable. 

With a frustrated sigh, Higgins pulled a phaser out of his pocket and pointed it at the boys head. “Tell me what you’re doing here! Are you helping Kirk?” 

“I…I…” 

“Did you bring anyone else here? Did you bring the Vulcan?” 

Kevin’s eyes widened. “W-why would you say that?” 

“Because he’s gone, and the Admiral said he was here. Where did he go? Did he go in the castle?”

“I…can’t tell you that.” 

Higgins snorted. “Another piece of Kirk-worshipping trash, eh? You won’t even give him up to save your life?” 

“My…” 

Higgins did not let him finish before he pushed the trigger.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to make one long chapter, but I decided to split them up into two since way too much would have been happening. I am almost done with the next chapter, so it will not be too much longer before the next update. I'm projecting about three more chapters in this story, so we're in the home stretch!

McCoy and Uhura sprinted across the snow-covered ground to get to the main mess hall. Both were nearly fainting from hunger, although neither had an appetite.

“Jesus H. Christ!” McCoy shouted as they got through the door and the warmth hit them. They let their heavy coats slip off and hung them on the hook. "I'm surprised my blood didn't fucking freeze." 

Uhura said nothing. She only nodded and rubbed her now bare arms as she stared ahead. The mess hall was about half-full, and most of the bowed heads silenced and looked up at them, making both feel pinned in place. 

McCoy immediately regretted this decision to put himself out in the open like this. Once the patrons in this place got brave, they would interrogate him non-stop about when the winter would end and what he knew about Kirk.

“Doc! Nyota!”

The sound of Sulu’s voice was an intense relief. Uhura appeared to unwind when their friend trotted up to them. 

“Thank God you guys are here. I’ve been bombarded for the past two hours. Everyone wants to know what the hell is going on, and I cant tell them anything.”   
“Well, we don’t know anything either,” Uhura told him in a tired voice. McCoy felt immediate sympathy for her, although he was not sure why. It was not like her and Spock were still dating. Based on his understanding, she was the one who broke it off. Spock being in love with Kirk should not have affected her. 

Sulu smirked and looked straight at McCoy. “I find that hard to believe.” 

“Hikaru, please let it go,” Uhura insisted. “Is there a private place we can talk about this?” 

Sulu got the hint that Uhura was not in the mood to deal with the suspicion. “Not a private place, but I’ve been sitting over there in the corner. People started avoiding me after I snapped at a few of them.” 

McCoy lifted an eyebrow. “You snapped at people? I thought nothing could shake that Zen demeanor of yours.” 

“There are only so many times a guy can say ‘I don’t know’ before he wants to kill someone,” Sulu said with a smile. “That’s why I’m interested in figuring out why you couldn’t trust us with…” 

“Komack and I have already reamed him about this,” Uhura interrupted. “Trust me, he gets the message.” 

Sulu became sheepish at the finality in Uhura’s tone. He cleared his throat and then said, “Speaking of messages, Len, I figured you might need this.” Sulu pulled what McCoy recognized as his text communicator out of his pocket.

“God, did I seriously forget that?” McCoy said with his teeth grit. All of the excitement and fear surrounding the ceremony seemed like ages ago, but it likely made him not think to grab his messager. When he reached for it, Sulu pulled it just out of his reach. “Seriously Sulu? We’re not in Kindergarten.” 

“I’m still not happy about playing press secretary for two hours, pal. You can get this back when you tell me what’s going on.” 

McCoy crossed his arms and tried hard to be defiant, but the truth was that he has always felt naked without his messager. It relayed text communication that might be important about the crew’s medical status. Now that he noticed it was not on his person, he could feel a cold sweat coming on.

On top of that, Sulu was their friend, and a senior officer. He deserved to know the truth. 

“Fine,” the doctor grunted. 

The three of them found a table in the corner away from prying ears and McCoy relayed to Sulu the story of Kirk getting his powers, the cover-up, and Spock’s quest to rescue him. He left out the part about Spock and Kirk’s “soulmate” status. While Sulu was a trustworthy guy, there was always the small chance he would let the news slip to Chekov - the galaxy’s worst secret-keeper. 

After it was finished, Sulu appeared placated, but also sad. With the frustration gone, mourning had replaced it. Sulu was one of the few crew members Kirk considered himself close to, and the feeling was clearly mutual. 

“So what now?” Sulu asked as he slipped the messager across the table to McCoy. 

“We don’t know,” Uhura replied. “All we can do is pray Spock helps Kirk stop the winter before he gets killed.” 

McCoy nodded in agreement while checking his inbox. The flow of messages appeared to be continuing from off-planet, which surprised McCoy. There were several inquiring texts from friends on the ship, notifications of video comms, and automatic status reports that were time stamped within the span of the winter. While encouraging, it would not be terribly helpful. Barely anyone but medical professionals used texts anymore, and communication would do no good if the shuttles and beaming devices were useless. 

Just as the doctor was about to close out the program, a vid notification from an odd frequency caught his eye. It was dated to about an hour ago, but it contrasted with his other messages in that it was not from an commonly visited planet. 

McCoy opened the message and was shocked to discover a video from D’Arth of the Asseens waiting for him.

“Holy shit,” McCoy said with wide eyes. 

“What? What is it?” Uhura said, slightly alarmed. McCoy then showed him the message and her eyes widened. 

“Hey, are guys alright?” Sulu asked, confused. 

Without missing a beat, McCoy asked the navigator, “Could you rig my messager up to receive video signals through the ion storm?”

The almost manic tone of the question startled Sulu, but he still shrugged. “I…I don’t know. I doubt it.” 

“What if Kirk’s life depended on it?” 

oOoOo

“Spock!” 

Kirk’s lungs seemed to shrink to the size of a grapefruit when he saw his friend fall backward. Did he really hit his best friend with a killer spear of ice twice in a fucking week? 

This time, it hit even closer to his center of functioning. That said, the Vulcan appeared to be conscious. He was trying to catch his breath after being knocked back into a sitting position on the chaise. 

After tucking his hands under his arms, Kirk approached silently.

“I am alright, Jim,” Spock assured him. 

Kirk knew the Vulcan well enough to not believe him. Spock was huffing and puffing with his hand over the place where his heart was. McCoy had said that hitting a vital organ would mean bad news. What if Kirk had finally dealt the killing blow?

Then again, Spock seemed okay. The last time he was hit, he immediately passed out. There was no way the hit could have been that bad this time. 

Kirk’s relief died when he saw several strands of Spock’s hair turn white before his eyes. 

“Oh no,” Kirk said in a grave voice. 

“I told you, Jim. I am…” 

“You’re not alright. Look at yourself!” 

Spock looked down to the frictionless ground to look at his blurry reflection. “I s-see nothing different.” 

“Your hair’s turning white!” Kirk crouched to the ground and put his head in his hands. 

“Jim, do not worry…” the sound of a thump caught Kirk’s attention, and he looked up to see his friend leaning to the side and appearing off-balance. He must have tried to get up and failed. 

“I need to get you back to the base. Bones could help you.” 

“I am not leaving without you.” 

“Come off it, Spock! You can barely move!” 

Kirk noticed Spock’s teeth chattering and lips turning brown. Every second, more strands of hair turned white. Whatever he had done was getting worse. 

Kirk could feel the energy gathering again, and immediately clenched his fists. The wind blew harder outside, and stinging winds leaked through the cracked window. His best friend was going to die if he did not do something fast, but what could he do? Touching Spock would hasten the freeze, and there was no way he could fly and carry him.

“Did you bring a communicator? Is there a way I can get a hold of Bones?” 

“There are no vehicles that can make it this far. Kevin and I took the only one.” 

“Kevin? You brought Kevin with you?” 

“M-more accurately, he brought me.” 

Kirk ran his fingers through his hair. “Why would he do that? After what hap…” Kirk realized too late he was rekindling the subject that caused his rage in the first place. Clenching his fists again, he brainstormed what they could do.

“Jim?” Spock’s voice sounded weak and vulnerable as he said his captain’s name. Kirk felt like his chest was about to split in two. He wanted more than anything to walk over to his friend, break all that stupid Vulcan decorum, and take him in his arms. His body would not provide any warmth, so it would be pointless from Spock’s perspective. However, the one thing Kirk wished for when he was dying in the radiation chamber was Spock’s strong arms around him, comforting him as he left the world. Instead, noxious fumes and uncomfortable heat were the last things his brain sensed. Kirk could not think of anything worse. 

“What is it?” Kirk replied, not daring to give into his instinct. What kind of a comfort would he be? He would only cause the Vulcan’s body to get colder - a torturous death for a desert species. 

Kirk let out a sob once he realized he was about to just accept the fact Spock was going to die. What the hell was wrong with him? There had to be something he could do. 

“Jim…I…I…I must tell you something.”

“Tell me after we figure out how to fix you.” 

Spock paused before saying, “Please do not blame yourself. I c-came of my-my own free will.” 

“Damn right you did!” Kirk was unsure where the rage came from, but he could not stop. “What the hell did you think you were doing, anyway? You knew you could die!” 

“I did not care. I h-had to help…Adm-miral Reilly is coming w-with Higgins.” 

Kirk’s face fell as he heard Spock try to speak. “Wait…what are you talking about? What about Higgins? Who did you bring with you?”

“No one. I c-came on my own. Th-there is a party coming to…” 

The faraway sound of a phaser caught the former captain’s attention. “What the…” 

“Th-they’re here,” Spock said gravely. “We must leave.” 

“No,” Kirk shouted, hope rising in his chest. “We’re not leaving. You said no one else could get out here. Well, someone did, and they’re going to help you.” 

“B-but, they will take you.” 

“They won’t. They’ll take you back to base, and I’ll find another place to hide. This time, you won’t come after me.” 

“J-jim…” 

“Once I get far enough away, the winter should stop, and everyone will be able to go home.”

“I c-can’t leave you.” 

Kirk let out a frustrated breath. “What is with you, Spock? You’re dying! I’m not going to be the one to kill you, understand?”

“Jim, I m-must tell you…” 

“Stop. I’m finished talking about this. You’re going with them, and I’m leaving. You're going to hop on the Enterprise and forget about me. Is that clear?” 

Kirk did not wait for an answer. He ran toward the corridor, and went to meet the party coming for him. He was confident he could get away from them, and also convince them to help Spock if he could get rid of the winter. 

Back in the chamber, Spock’s heart ached - both physically and figuratively. Spock had found so many heart metaphors in the human vernacular trite, but this one applied. 

Kirk had been correct. Spock was dying. He could sense the energy draining like sand from the hourglass. Cold energy pumped through his blood and slowly pushed the heat from his body. He would not even have a small chance of survival without medical intervention. 

Spock could not blame Kirk. He blamed himself. The protective instinct overwhelmed his reason, and he pushed too hard. Kirk still feared his powers, and his prodding made such an outburst inevitable. Spock could only hope the Admiral Reilly’s search party was benevolent, but such a case was unlikely. Higgins could be with them. Kirk was likely walking into a trap. 

“K-kevin will be there to p-protect him,” Spock told himself, although the words rang hollow. Kirk was his t’hy’la. No one should protect Kirk but Spock. 

A chilly object lightly pushed at his back, and Spock turned around, ignoring the pain surging through his body like pins piercing from the inside. 

The tiny Enterprise floated in place. Spock furrowed his brow, curious as to why this object stayed in hiding until now. That was a mystery for another time though. 

“I m-must get to Jim,” he told the object. Spock was not only being illogical, but suicidal. Being with Kirk was pointless and damaging. But what if he died up here? What if he never told Kirk the truth? Such a scenario was unacceptable. 

“Please…help me get downstairs.” 

The tiny ship complied. 

oOoOo

“What is going on here?”

Admiral Reilly recognized his vacation flitter, and immediately his thoughts drifted to how Kevin had lied to him. All the thoughts fled when the sound of a phasar discharging echoed through the small town. 

“Higgins!” he cried, trying to ignore the buildings around his as he ran toward the castle. Even a glimpse of the abandoned businesses were enough to trigger a flood of memories - memories he could not afford to dwell on right now. 

Reilly and his two security guards finally got the to other side of the vehicle. The Admiral’s heart stopped as he saw Higgins standing over the lifeless body of his son. 

“KEVIN!!!” 

Reilly stumbled to the site of where the body lay. Once he got closer, he saw the gory hole through his son’s torso. The heat cauterized the wound, so there was no blood, but Kevin’s skin had already gone white. 

Reilly turned his attention to Higgins. “You….YOU…” 

Higgins showed no emotion as he raised the phasar, causing Reilly to stop in his tracks. 

“You said….you SAID…” 

“I know what I said,” Higgins said. “But this kid was working with the Vulcan. He brought him here.” 

“That’s no reason to kill him! He was my SON!” Tears leaked down the Admiral’s cheeks as he tried not to look at Kevin’s corpse. “You agreed to the pardon. You said you would follow all the rules. Your Starfleet record up until your arrest was perfect.” Reilly knew at this point he was only talking to himself, trying to convince himself he was not a fool for taking this man with them. 

Higgins smirked, “Have you ever heard of ‘fake it ’til you make it?’ I never wanted to be in Starfleet. I didn’t want to be part of an organization that sympathized with Vulcans. All I wanted was to get to Spock, and now I’ve been given another chance to do so.” 

“You slimy…” 

Out of the corner of his eye, Reilly saw a security man raise his weapon, but the click of his trigger rang hollow. Reilly was confused since these specific phasars were supposed to be resistant to cold. 

Higgins smirked. “All of your weapons are dead…except mine of course.” 

Higgins quickly shot the security guard, making him fall in the snow. The guard’s heavy coat was enough to absorb the stun, but he was still out of sorts. The other guard dropped his weapon and ran toward Higgins, but he met the same fate. The only one standing now was Reilly. 

“Admiral,” Higgins said in a calm voice. “I want to keep you alive. I want to to go through with your plans to detain and study the captain. I can’t think of a better torture for a free spirit like him. However, if Spock is here, he’s mine. I will not accept anything less than killing him.” 

Reilly closed his eyes, cursing the decision to trust this man. He now realized he had been too careless. He was driven by his desire to get Kirk, stop the winter, and study his powers that he took a psychopath on a peaceful retrieval. It suddenly made sense why Higgins was the only witness to Kirk’s powers who was willing to accompany them. The thought made Reilly sick. He really had turned into Admiral Marcus, except his son took the final punishment instead of him. 

“Well? What’s your answer?” 

Reilly looked again at the body of his only child. Despair racked his body. Nothing seemed worth pursuing anymore, not even his ambitions. 

“I don’t care if you kill me.” Reilly said. “I’m not going to help you.”

Higgins sighed. “I guess killing this kid was a lapse in judgment. Oh well. I’m not going to kill you, but if you're going to act like this, you’ll be waiting in your flitter.” Higgins then grabbed Reilly by the arm and hauled him to his feet before shoving him into the craft. After pulling Kevin’s body out of the entrance and into the snow, Higgins shut the door. 

At this point, the security men started to recover. Higgins stunned them both again and they flopped unconscious onto the ground. 

oOoOo

By the time Kirk jogged out the large doors to the castle, his hopes of saving Spock plummeted. The first thing he saw was Kevin lying still in the ground and Higgins shoving a distraught Admiral Reilly into the craft Spock likely arrived in. The other main attraction was Higgins’ large phasar in his hand. Rage surged through the former captain. He did not know how Higgins got off the ship, but he did know that his friend was dead, and Spock was likely his next target. 

“Higgins!” Kirk shouted, energy burning his arms. In this case, he would have no qualms about energy release. 

Higgins turned and smiled. “Oh, hello Captain. You just made this incredibly easy for me. Lucky for you, the only person I’m planning on killing is your Vulcan friend. I’m still planning on…” 

Kirk lifted his hand to release energy, but Higgins countered with a red blast from the large phasar. 

“Don’t even think about it. This was made for breaking up glaciers. Everyone on my team would have had one if not for my discrete unplugging scheme.” Higgins giggled. “Seriously, how stupid are these…” 

Kirk shot again with more power, but Higgins dodged. The energy landed near the rear of the craft and created a large, craggy pillar of ice, which Higgins then destroyed with his phasar. 

“Has anyone told you you're predictable when you're mad, Captain?” The final word was said with such contempt that it made Kirk’s heart race even more. As he contemplated his next move, the wind increased. Snow whipped up to create near white-out conditions. Within seconds, Kirk could barely see his antagonist. 

“Shit!” Kirk shouted. He tried the breathing techniques Spock taught him weeks ago, but they would not work fast enough. The visibility was only getting worse. Out of the opaque white, a red beam shot toward him. Kirk quickly dodged as the shot grazed his ear. 

“You might not be able to see me,” Higgins shouted. “But this gun has a heat sensor. You might be cooler than normal, but you're still human.” Another shot rang out and Kirk crouched to avoid it. 

“F-finished yet?” 

Higgins’ voice sounded weaker. Even with his coat, he would not be able to stand this for long. All Kirk had to do was wait him out. But what about Spock? 

The storm was only getting worse and it was impossible to calm himself with the predicament at hand. There was no way anyone would be able to get to them before Spock died, with or without winter technology. Suddenly, the fight drained out of Kirk. They were screwed. This was the no-win scenario, and he was the cause of it all. 

Another red beam came, and Kirk rolled out of the way. If Higgins beat him, there was no doubt Spock would be done for. Kirk could work with the low visibility. He could wait for Higgins to faint. There were ways this battle could be won. Then again, if he did get hit - if he did die - the winter would die with him. Spock might even be cured. Even in Higgins went after him, he would stand a chance. 

Kirk sighed as he decided to accept his fate. For Spock. 

oOoOo

The tiny ship suddenly sped up as it practically dragged Spock through the entrance chamber. The Vulcan did not know the purpose of the sudden increase in velocity, but it could not have been a good thing. 

Even though Spock’s mind was in survival mode, part of him still took a chance to look at his surroundings. As he got closer to the door, one of the statues by the wall got his attention. It was a icy sculpture of his at parade rest with the sides of his lips turned upward in a minimal smile. 

“Stop!” Spock shouted. The ship slowed down, but did not stop completely. Spock did not need long to memorize the details of the statue, but it would take him longer to ponder it’s significance. Unfortunately, time was of the essence. 

One thing was clear, though, there were no other statues of crew members in the hall. Only him. What did this mean? 

Spock knew he hesitated in saying “I love you” to the captain earlier because a large part of him feared rejection. It was illogical, yes, but the belief that Kirk could not possibly love him had hung over him this entire mission. 

Now he knew, even if Kirk did not yet. When given the chance, he would say what he needed to say.

“We must h-hurry,” Spock shouted as he felt more of his life slip away. 

oOoOo

The wind started to ebb and the Higgins’s silhouette was visible. Kirk looked up at him and lifted his arms, anticipating the final blow. 

“C’mon, Higgins. I know you want to.” 

“I see your surrender, Kirk. W-why would I kill you?” 

“Because I’m keeping you from Spock, remember? You should kill me. It’s your only chance of getting to your target before you freeze to death.”

Higgins gave a nervous laugh. “That’s true, although I’d prefer not to waste a phaser blast on you. Then again, you did throw my sister in the brig where she w-was so claustrophobic she scratched at her arms until she b-bled. What kind of man puts a sick woman in…”

“Just get it over with, will you? I’m letting you kill me! This cold is killing you, too. You only have one chance to get revenge for your sister!” 

“What’s the hurry all of a s-sudden?” Higgins replied. “I’m guessing your Vulcan friend is not taking well to the cold, is he? Are you having second thoughts about this great power of your’s?” 

“This…this has nothing to do with Spock.” 

“You’re a bad liar, especially when desperate.” 

“Please, will you just shoot?!” 

Higgins paused. Kirk saw the silhouette lift up his weapon. 

“You m-make a c-convincing argument. If Spock dies from the cold, I w-won’t have the satisfaction of killing him myself.” The silhouette fiddled with the weapon, likely setting it to a higher power. Kirk pushed himself to his feet as he prepared to face his final moments. He closed his eyes, and chose to think of Spock in the captain’s chair, happy and healthy with Uhura by his side. 

“Goodbye, Captain.” 

Kirk squeezed his eyes shut as he heard the weapon discharge. However, instead of the nanosecond of burning hot followed by oblivion, he heard a sound like glass shattering and then felt cold shards pierce his skin while a heavy weight fell against him. 

“No. No!” Spock’s voice shouted. Kirk stepped back to get his balance and wrapped his arms around the deadweight Vulcan. Kirk’s first thought was that Spock had taken the shot for him, but then he would not be solid anymore. 

“Son of a…what happened?” Higgins sounded just as confused. Kirk saw the silhouette approaching, becoming more detailed as less blowing snow stood between them. 

Kirk knew their time was short, but he still looked up and down Spock’s body as he held him upright. This shards of ice were sticking out of Spock’s torso surrounded by small spots of green blood. The captain immediately pulled them out, discovering they were not buried deep enough to cause damage. 

“What the hell did you do, Spock? How did you get downstairs?” 

“I…wanted to help.” 

“Spock, you’re dying! Are you suicidal or something? How did you block the shot?” 

“It w-was not m-me, Jim. I w-wanted to, but…” Spock’s voice trailed off, and Kirk realized he was not going to finish. 

“Then who…” Kirk had no time to get the full question out. Higgins was two feet away from them with his gun pointed at Spock’s head. There was no doubt that the exposed skin of Higgins’ face was turning blue at this distance. 

“You have to admire my luck. Now I can kill both of you at once.”

Spock gripped Kirk’s shoulder’s and put his mouth a centimeter from his ear. Kirk tried to maneuver himself so he was protecting Spock, but a shot at close range would make such an action pointless. 

“Jim…”

Higgins placed his finger on the trigger. 

“Yes, Spock,” Kirk whispered back. 

Higgins aimed. 

“I…” 

A shot rang out.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have completed a miracle. Despite being in tears this morning over my insane work load for the past week, I managed to get a chapter of this story up. Sorry that the last cliffhanger was especially evil. I've decided to be nicer for this one...at least in that regard. 
> 
> Trigger warning for talk of sexual abuse.

As Kirk looked forward with his still working eyes, it was clear that the shot did not come from Higgins’ weapon. This was further proven by their enemy falling foreword as Kirk and Spock moved out of the way.

“What the…” As Kirk stared at Higgins face down in the snow, he saw a neat hole in the back of the man’s head.

Kirk’s legs collapsed under him as the adrenaline suddenly left him. They had been spared yet again, but he was not sure how. 

“Captain!” 

Admiral Reilly’s voice eliminated all questioning from Kirk’s mind. He vaguely processed the older man running through the blowing snow toward them, and helping a limp Spock to his feet. 

“Kirk, you have to help me get him to the ship.” 

Kirk’s brain was fuzzy thanks to the abrupt end to the excitement, so he wordlessly complied. Kirk got to his feet and helped Reilly carry Spock through the storm. After what felt like hours of fighting through the stinging winds, they finally made it to the open door of the vacation craft and squeezed into the narrow opening. Reilly used his foot to close the door, but from the feel of the air inside, it would offer no protection against the cold. 

“Let’s carry him to the bedroom,” Reilly ordered. All three hobbled to the hallway and entered the first door on the left, where a queen-sized bed with a thick, crocheted blanket lay pristine. 

Reilly jogged to the bed, leaving Kirk to support Spock’s weight. The Vulcan was still conscious, but dazed. Even Vulcans did not appear immune from sudden adrenaline crashes, although based on the pallor of Spock’s skin, his deteriorating condition was a larger factor. 

As Reilly pulled back the covers, he started to ask questions. “Is Vulcan hair supposed to turn white when they get cold?” 

The reminder of his friend’s predicament snapped Kirk back to the present. He glanced at Spock’s bowl cut and saw that more than half of the hair had lost it’s color. 

“N-no,” Kirk said in a grave tone. “No it’s not.” 

Reilly looked like he wanted to ask more questions, but restrained himself. “Here. This should make him warmer.” 

“Um…thanks.” Kirk did not need to question Reilly’s intentions. The admiral’s empty blue eyes were enough to tell him that there was no ulterior motive here. Kevin had died to come here and help. The least his father could do was bring his mission to its conclusion. 

Kirk stopped his progress across the room when a wave of emotion gripped him. Kevin was dead. His partner - the one who helped him survive Tarsus as a teenager - was no more. All the sacrifices Kirk made for the boy now felt hollow and empty. The whole point of surviving this ordeal was to live better and make something of the fact they survived, not finish the job Kodos started. 

“Jim,” Spock croaked. Kirk bit on his lip when he realized Spock was sensing his emotions. This forced him to snap back into reality. Kevin was already dead and there was nothing he could do to help him. Spock still lived. 

Kirk dragged Spock over to the bed and laid him on his back. He then spread all the blankets on the bed on top of him and tucked them around Spock’s body to make a cocoon. The blankets were freezing to the touch, and Kirk was not sure how much heat was left to preserve. However, it was better than nothing. When his friend was finally settled in, Kirk looked down and realized he had carried Spock all the way here with bare hands. He made fists, wondering what further damage he had inflicted. 

“I’m going to go see if I can get this ship working.” Reilly said from the doorway. “But I’m going to need you to get rid of some of the cold first.” 

Kirk closed his eyes. “I can’t.” 

Reilly paused before saying. “What do you mean you can’t?” 

“I don’t know how, okay?” Kirk said in a louder tone. “Don’t you think if I knew how I would have done it by now? Do you think I want everyone on this planet to die? Do you think I want Spock to die?” 

Kirk was now looking at the Admiral in the eye. Reilly pursed his lips, and appeared to be holding back whatever he wanted to say. 

“I…I’m going to try anyway, but I’m not optimistic.” 

Kirk was still angry, but mostly at himself. He tried to hide it when he spoke again. “How did you get here in the first place?” 

“My team and I beamed here. On-planet beaming is still possible, or at least it was when we left. My communicator is jammed not getting a signal now, so even if it did work, we couldn’t access it.” 

“Well, then where’s your team?” 

“Two of them beamed out before the communicators got jammed. The third guy is recovering from the stun in a bedroom down the hall.”

Kirk sighed. “Then you have to find a way to get this thing moving.”

Reilly looked like he was about to protest, but he seemed to change his mind. “I’ll see what I can do. There are energy packs on the hunting phasers. Maybe they can help.” 

The Admiral left without letting Kirk say another word and shut the door behind him. 

Once the Admiral had left, Kirk knew he should turn and look at his friend’s dying body, but he could not bring himself to do so. He could face the misery he caused. He could not bring himself to say goodbye.

“J-jim.” 

Spock’s weak voice was like a sword through Kirk’s torso. The Vulcan sounded so weak and frightened. So desperate for Kirk to talk to him. This was not like his stoic confident First Officer at all, but neither was the impulse to venture out into the tundra and find his captain. 

“Jim, I must tell you…” 

Kirk could not take it anymore. He turned around to meet Spock’s deep, dark eyes. There was still a spark of life in them, but it was fading. 

“What…?” Kirk could not form anymore words. There were no other words. 

“I must…I love you, Jim.” 

Kirk was momentarily stunned not only by the blunt declaration, but by his logical friend using an emotional adjective to describe his feelings toward Kirk. While Spock’s actions did prove this relationship was not one-sided, it was nice to hear the words confirming it. If a Vulcan could say something so heartfelt, it would be the ultimate cowardice for Kirk not to do the same.

“I know, Spock. You’ve been like a brother to me. I don’t know if I could have…” Kirk stopped when he saw Spock appear frustrated. 

“You…don’t u-understand…” Spock gulped as his body tensed. “I ch-cherish you…above all others.”

That seemed to be all Spock had the energy to say, but he got his message across. Kirk stepped backward as the admission sunk in. Spock loved him. Spock was in love with him. Dread seeped into Kirk’s bloodstream. He thought he was being up front about his flaws, but Spock put him up on a pedestal anyway. How was that even possible? All the other bimbos who thought they loved him only saw his good looks and charm. What the hell was wrong with Spock? 

“Jim?” The voice was nervous and searching, but Kirk could not respond. He had to stop this. He had to make Spock see the truth so he did not go to the grave thinking his friend was something he was not. The temptation arose to pretend, but Kirk respected Spock too much for that. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” the human uttered. He felt growing energy buzzing as he made the decision to tell Spock the rest of the story about what happened on Tarsus. Anyone in their right mind would run the other direction once they knew. 

“Y-you und-derestimate me.” 

“No!” Kirk shouted. A sadness tainted the words as they rested on his tongue. Letting another person down gently had never been this hard. “You have to know what happened here…why I’m not worth it.” 

Spock opened his mouth to object, but Kirk did not let him get that far. “I was molested in that castle.…by Kodos and his men.” 

Saying so bluntly caused the memories to push into Kirk’s consciousness and shoot up like fireworks. He shut his eyes and used his normal mindfulness tricks to push them down. He pretended the memories were starships flying across the sky rather than ravenous beasts fighting for attention. Kirk immediately regretted this decision to be so open, but he had come to far to stop now. He turned away from Spock to continue.

“He…touched me…made me touch him. Every day, sometimes multiple times. Then guns were put in our hands…and we were told to go out and kill our neighbors. Only me and Kevin were able to escape without firing a shot. We found a bunch of orphaned kids and kept them safe in the woods until help came. Looking back, I know he did it to break us…to make us kill for him.” 

“He…v-violated you?” 

Kirk felt an unusual sensation on his cheek. After wiping his face, he realized it was a tear. The water did not freeze immediately on his hand, but that had to be because it was salty. When another tear followed, Kirk screwed his eyes shut and groaned. He had not cried since…since…since he was a confused teenager hiding in the woods on Tarsus IV. 

“Jim.” 

Spock’s voice cracked, and Jim turned his body so he could see Spock in the corner of his eye. Spock’s cheeks shined with wetness. 

Kirk’s heart warmed at the sight, but the cold monster inside was stronger and triggered anger. “Why the hell are you crying over me? Because you feel sorry for me? Because you realize the man you claim to love is not who you thought he was?” 

“I always knew y-you had f-flaws, Jim. Every sentient being does. You told me about your m-mother’s abandonment, your step-father’s harsh t-treatment, the starvation and t-torture you endured on this planet. I know you are brash, and often do not listen to other’s opinions. You have pursued ambition at the expense of your relationships. You are also intelligent, wise beyond your years, and always make an effort to understand me and the cultures of others. W-when you told me about your past, I w-was in awe of the man you had b-become. Now, my awe - and my love - has only grown.” 

More tears fell on Kirk’s shoes. The monster told Kirk that Spock was lying, but his friend would not lie. This was the man Kirk always trusted to tell the truth, whether it be good or bad. Of course, just because Spock was sincere in his words did not mean he knew what he was talking about. Clearly he was not clear enough in his recounting of the abuse. No one could get past that kid of baggage, especially a reasoned Vulcan. 

“You don’t know me,” Kirk said, although the fight had left him by now. “You only know what you can see through your rose-colored glasses. I can’t love, Spock. I’ve had enough sex to power a small city, but I’ve never loved anyone. All you’re doing is chasing a fantasy.” 

“P-perhaps,” Spock whispered. “But then…why is there a statue of me in your castle?” 

The question made Kirk’s breath catch. “I…I don’t know. I just…I was thinking about you at the time I made those statues. In fact…I never stopped thinking about you.” 

Kirk’s eyes widened as he faced his friend with a full gaze. The thought of the statue and his processes at the time caused a sensation to tickle the back of his mind. His groin stirred as he thought of Spock at a healthier time, when they would work out together or play chess in his room. He has always admitted that Spock was attractive, but sexual thoughts about Spock were as forbidden as sexual thoughts about the Virgin Mary. Spock’s friendship was worth so much more. Sex was not about love, and his point was proven by his slight arousal over his friend’s dying body. He was so sick. If Spock were thinking clearly, he would know this.

“D-do you r-remember the ship? The one you c-created?” 

Kirk was caught off-guard, but answered, “Yeah. I made you another one, in fact. Did you find it?” 

“Y-yes. It led me here to you.” 

“But…that makes no sense. I didn’t mean for it to lead you to me. I just wanted to give you something to show…” Kirk’s voice caught at the last word. “To show that I did care about you, and that I was leaving…because I had to.” 

“Perhaps,” Spock replied. “Or maybe there was something inside of you that wanted me to find you.” 

Kirk let out a humorless laugh. “Why would I want you hurt? Why would I want anyone around me when I’m like this?” 

“Th-this is an illogical declaration,” Spock said, ignoring Kirk’s last statement. “But I believe the statue was alive.” 

Kirk shook his head. “You’re right. That is an illogical declaration. All my powers do is freeze shit. How can they create fucking life?” 

“P-perhaps your powers a-are more than we have seen thus far.” 

“Oh God, that’s just what I need. More destruction to worry about.” 

“This is not destructive, J-jim. Your creation saved my life by taking Higgin’s f-first shot. I do not kn-know what it means…but I became sad. I d-do not u-understand…” 

Spock immediately started to shivers violently that he turned to his side and curled into a ball. Kirk forgot about this debate, especially because it was likely the rambling of a sick man. His friend needed him. 

“Jim,” Spock called, sounding raspy. “It is becoming harder to breathe.”

Fear spiked in Kirk. He felt he should say something, but any words would be inadequate. If the freeze had reached the lungs, there was little time left. 

“I…I am frightened,” Spock whispered, his wide eyes confirming the declaration. 

Kirk slowly approached. “What happened to not fearing your own death?” 

Spock looked at him, his eyes still shining from the tears. “Right now…I am failing.” 

Against his will, those words dragged up images from another time, when Kirk was in the radiation chamber and looking at a weeping Spock through the glass. His emotions from that moment were a blur. Yes, he wanted Spock to hold him, but…

“I need to tell you why I couldn’t let you die,” Kirk repeated, lost in the memory. 

“”B-because…you are…my friend…” Spock was struggling to speak, but the words had power now as they had then. 

However, Kirk recalled a clear memory of how that answer had disappointed him. There was another reason…a reason that Kirk could not dredge up. Something inside him was blocking it from being known. 

“Jim…I’m…please…hold me.” 

A lump formed in Kirk’s throat. This was it. Spock’s hair was completely white. Only a few lone strands of black remained. Kirk had killed his best friend thanks to his fucking temper. The least he could do is grant Spock’s final wish, no matter what the consequences. 

Kirk decided then he was not going to cause any more suffering. If his friend died, then he would find a way to die, no matter what Admiral Reilly was able to do to the ship. Any life with these powers would be hell, with or without the guilt over his actions. 

Kirk sat on the bed and gathered Spock into his arms with the Vulcan’s head resting on his shoulder. Kirk rubbed Spock’s back, trying in vain to maybe get some warmth back into him. 

“I’m sorry,” Kirk whispered. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t…” Spock coughed out. “You were enough.” 

Spock’s breathing became more erratic as the ship shuddered. The blizzard outside was getting worse. Kirk could feel power leaking onto Spock’s back as the ship shook. 

The niggling sensation pushed forward in one aggressive move. Kirk hyperventilated as the reality of Spock leaving him sunk in. Spock was going to die in minutes. Spock would be gone forever. He would not longer have Spock. Spock loved him. Spock wanted to be with him, and now he never would. 

“Please,” Kirk pleaded, holding his friend closer. Spock was nearly deadweight at this point and he could not feel a heartbeat. “Please don’t leave me. I…need you Spock.” 

No response. 

Kirk did not dare lower the Vulcan onto the bed to look at his face. 

“Spock, answer me.” 

No response.

“Please…I…Spock! You can’t…SPOCK!” 

As he felt Spock’s lungs still, the mysterious force took a hold of Kirk’s voice. 

“I…I love you.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for depression, suicidal thoughts, and hopeless thoughts.

In the depths of despair, there is no time…no space…no feeling…only sorrow. 

Kirk had been here before. He had been trapped in this pit for days…weeks…months at a time. The forces holding him were all-consuming. They seemed strong enough to swallow the galaxy. Nothing could escape. 

The man knew all things ended here. No matter how much he accomplished, all would pass away. The end of the road was hell. The only way out was oblivion. 

Kirk had escaped before, although his own efforts rarely brought this about. Being pumped full of medicine in the safety of a recovery ward usually did the trick, although the effect was artificial. The despair was still there, kept at bay by a shaky, temporary bulwark. All it took was a strong wind to show how vulnerable his defenses were. 

His mother told him he needed to go to therapy to create better walls to keep the darkness out, but there was no point. There would always be another storm to destroy all he had built, ready to drag him into the hungry pit that devoured all joy and light from his life. 

Kirk no longer wanted to leave. There was nothing on the outside. No one could convince him the universe would be worse off without him. Maybe if this curse had not come. Maybe if he could have found something productive instead of fearing what he could do. 

But regrets were pointless when it was already too late. 

Never before had the pit felt like the inevitable end to his journey. The older Spock was wrong. His destiny was never to be captain. Despair was his true fate. This abyss was not meant to keep him away from a good life…it was to protect the lives of others. It was to ensure the universe would not be blighted by his presence any longer. Resisting the pull of this anguish was selfish and deadly. 

All of the therapists he had seen…they never knew him. They did not know what he had been through. All they knew was saving lives. Have those shrinks ever thought maybe some of the people they see should not be saved? That might be easy to say about pedophiles or murderers, but what about the cankers of society? Like a horse with a broken leg, maybe letting these people out of their misery was for the greater good. Maybe having a spare shotgun in every therapist’s office would be a good idea. 

At least in this case he had hunting rifles. It would be quick. 

Before he could reach sweet oblivion, though, he would have to move. Right now, it was impossible. Despondency had consumed him like quicksand. Moving even an inch was a herculean struggle. An even greater struggle was his need to let go of the cold body of his beloved. 

Spock. 

Beloved. 

If only he had known. 

If only he had let himself know. 

Not that it would have made a difference. 

But Kirk had convinced himself that he would never be able to feel this way. 

Why now? 

Why for Spock? 

Well, that was easy. Spock was his best friend who also happened to be attractive…

Pain spiked in his chest at labeling Spock as attractive, but it was true. It was not just about looks, either. Once Kirk got past Spock’s rigid exterior, his mystery attracted him like a moth to a flame. Once he found out more about his friend’s painful past, the attraction only grew. Their pain was dissimilar, but linked them together. 

“I love you so much,” Kirk whispered once he rediscovered his lips and voice. His heart warmed, and melted a small part of his purgatory, but only slightly. Love was useless now. Spock was dead. Maybe if he had done the right thing earlier he would still be alive. 

They might have been something. 

They might have been something wonderful. 

Because Spock was wonderful. 

Spock was the most wonderful being who ever ever lived. 

“You are wonderful too…Jim…” 

The crackled voice shattered the solid voice surrounding Kirk’s limbs. Was that…Spock’s voice?

“Wha…” Kirk dared not say his name, but forced himself to lower the body to ensure he was not hearing things. 

“No…Jim…hold me closer…” 

Kirk was so dazed, he mindlessly obeyed. 

“Your hands are healing me…do not let go, Jim.” 

“My…my hands…but…you’re dead…” 

“Obviously not, since I am speaking to you.” 

The good humor made Kirk’s heart beat so fast it seemed to be fighting for escape. Kirk dared not hope this was possible. Hope turned to certainty when two shaking arms weakly encircled his torso. 

“Jim, whatever it is you are doing…I cannot remember a better feeling.” 

“But…I’m not doing anything.” 

“The fact I am alive disagrees with you.” 

Kirk refused to believe this was happening. He still expected lifeless eyes to greet him when he finally lowered the body to the bed. His mind had to be playing tricks on him. 

“Jim…you are no longer afraid.” 

“That’s a random thing to say for a dead guy.” 

Spock let out a single laugh, convincing Kirk this had to be an elaborate hallucination. However, the body in his arms flexed him muscles and pushed away from Kirk, allowing their eyes to meet. When Kirk looked at his friend, the deep brown pools looked back at him - as full of life as ever. 

Kirk sputtered as his heart continued to race. Either every sense in his body was deceiving him or…

“Spock!” Kirk shouted before pulling him forward and kissing the Vulcan full on the lips. Spock wasted no time in returning the kiss and pulling Kirk closer to him. Their lips and tongues moved against each other like a boat on a calm sea. The sync in which their bodies moved was perfect, as if they had been made for one another. 

Kirk let out a whine when Spock pushed at the human so their faces were five centimeters apart. 

“As much as I would love to continue this, I believe we must take advantage of the fact you have discovered the method of reversing the freeze.” 

“I…have?” Kirk had been so ecstatic about Spock returning to life, he barely noticed how the frost on the bed was replaced with water soaking the sheets. 

Kirk looked around him and saw there was no more ice in the room. Only water dripping from the ceiling and walls. While Kirk was relieved, he was also confused. 

“How did I do this?” 

“I have a hypothesis,” Spock said in the confident voice Kirk loved so much. “After I lost full consciousness, I was coherent enough to feel the changes in your emotions through my touch. As your fear and despair changed to love, my body started to thaw.” 

Kirk shifted his attention back to Spock, who was now lying back in the bed propped on his elbows. His clothes were soaked and his hair was plastered in a spiked pattern on his forehead. But his hair was black again. 

Kirk dived forward and threw his arms around Spock. He fell to the side and buried his face into the side of the Vulcan’s neck. Being away from him for more than a second was unthinkable. Kirk would not let his friend…his best friend…the love of his life…disappear again. 

After letting out a pleasured moan, Spock said, “My hypothesis is supported by your hands continuing to elicit…blissful sensations in me. However, we will not know until we use your power on the weather.” Spock did not sound committed to his words as he ran his fingers up and down Kirk’s arm.

Kirk knew he needed to get his act together and think about what Spock was saying. He had figured out before that his powers were fueled by his emotions, but not controlled by him. His will was what caused him to have control, but if there was know power source for what his brain wanted to do, then it would be pointless to try it. Right now, it appeared his will had found the power source it needed. 

“My God…” Kirk lifted his head to look Spock in the eye again. “You’re right.” 

“We will not know for certain until we try it on a larger scale.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, Kirk saw out the small window to the vacation craft. There was still snow on the ground, and a layer of condensation was forming on the glass. The blizzard might have stopped, but the cold covering the planet had not.

“Yeah…we have to do that.” Kirk knew his words had no force behind them. Could anyone blame him, though? The brightest light in his world had been returned to him and everything else faded to the background. There were others on this planet, though - Bones included. Based on what Spock had told him earlier, they needed help just as much as Spock did. 

Kirk was about to sit up on the bed, but he found he could not let go of Spock. He felt that this image of a living, breathing Vulcan would vanish as soon as he broke contact. 

“I will come with you, Jim,” Spock whispered to him as he kissed the side of his mouth. 

Kirk did not feel much better about letting the Vulcan go, but a strong hand laced his fingers with his, and suddenly he became content. 

“What are we waiting for?” Kirk said as the end to this nightmare finally started to crown on the horizon. 

Spock got out of the bed first, although he stumbled as soon as his feet touched the ground. Kirk got to his feet and let Spock lean against him. 

“I can stand on my own. I just need a moment.” 

Kirk was skeptical, but he let go of Spock anyway. The Vulcan then stood on his own easily, at least from the looks of it. Although the tighter grip on Kirk’s hand was indicative of slight distrust in his limbs. 

“You are correct about my hesitance.” 

Kirk blushed once he realized Spock was reading his mind through their touch. “Then maybe you should stay here.” 

“Jim, I am as unwilling to let you go as you are to do this on your own. Besides, it is only logical I come along since your feelings for me are what led you to the reversal in the first place.” 

Kirk smiled at Spock’s words. The robotic edge that normally accompanied his logical declarations was gone. The other man’s voice was smooth like velvet, and it lulled Kirk into a sense of contentment that banished his current doubts. 

“Shall we, then?” 

Still joined at the hand, both men walked out the door to the common room, where they ran into Admiral Reilly walking toward them. 

“Jim, how the hell is the ship getting wa…Spock, you’re…how did you…” The older man became speechless once he glanced downward and saw Kirk and Spock’s linked hands.

“We’ll explain later,” Kirk said, not caring that he had just revealed his relationship to a high-ranking official. “I have to fix this whole mess.” 

Reilly remained speechless as he nodded and let them pass. Kirk walked quickly across the room to the door, practically dragging Spock behind him. The blast of cold air shooting through the open entrance barely phased Kirk as he trudged through the snow and toward the icy castle and Higgins’ lifeless body lying in it’s shadow. The imposing sight made Kirk motionless. 

“Jim,” Spock whispered while squeezing the man’s hand. “What is it?” 

Kirk gulped. “Can’t you tell?” 

“I am blocking your thoughts because my telepathy appeared to make you uncomfortable, but your distress is quite obvious.” 

Kirk knew there was no use in denying it, but the time for discussing the past would be later. Right now, there was work to be done. He was not sure how to go about making an entire winter vanish, so he decided to go with his gut. The captain got on his knees and placed his palm on the snowy ground. He pushed down until his hand vanished from view. He took a deep breath, tightened the grip of the hand still linked with Spock’s and willed the cold to vanish. 

After about ten seconds, Kirk could not feel anything happening. The energy was not flowing, and his stomach tightened as the seconds continued to tick by with no effect. 

“C’mon,” he whispered to the ground. He pressed down harder into the snow, the rubbing sound of the crystals compacting further being the only reply. Kirk’s heart sank, and he wondered if he really could do this. He could barely explain how this winter happened in the first place. How could he dispel it so easily? 

“Jim,” Spock whispered. “You fear again.” 

“No kidding,” Kirk sighed. “I have no idea what I’m doing.” 

“Neither of us do.” Spock knelt to join Kirk at his level. Spock then used his free hand to gently stroke the arm still buried in the snow. 

“Do you remember how you created the model of the Enterprise while we were still on the ship?” 

“I…a little bit. I did the same thing I’m doing now, pretty much.” 

“Only, you did it for me, did you not?” 

“Well…yeah. I wanted to show you not to be scared of me. I wanted our friendship back.” 

“And why did you make the second?” 

“Because I…didn’t want you to hate me, but I am doing this for you.” 

“That is noble, Jim, but I am safe. Who else are we trying to protect?”

“Bones, of course.” 

“And Uhura. And Sulu.” 

“What? They’re here? How the hell did they…” 

“It does not matter. You care for them, too, do you not?” 

“I…but that’s not the kind of love that powers this thing.” 

“Isn’t it? Are you sure about that?”

Kirk was not sure. What he was sure about, however, was that he did love all three of the aforementioned people. He loved every single member of his crew, but there was something special about the senior command. Uhura. Sulu. Bones. Chekov. Scotty. All of them were his family. They saw him through thick and thin. There was nothing he would not do for them. The Kirk of two hours ago might not be able to use such a strong word to describe his feelings for these people, but the floodgates had opened in his mind and heart. 

Kirk closed his eyes and thought on the people he called his friends. The people he loved. The people who needed off this planet as much as he did. The captain let out a breath, and the energy finally burned at his skin. Kirk’s hand now felt wet. The snow was melting. 

“Jim, it’s working.” 

Kirk finally opened his eyes. He saw a small circle of melted snow growing out from them, causing tiny rivers of water to flow through the cobblestones covering the ground. 

“Yeah, but it’s working too slow.” Kirk quickly stood from his position, appearing to startle Spock. “Let’s see if this works better.” He raised his hand to the sky and continued to focus his mind toward his beloved crew. Immediately, the clouds parted above them and the suns rays flowed immediately onto the frozen ground. The snow on the nearby buildings disintegrated, and the large wall around the city crumbled. Once the view was unobscured, they saw snow all over the countryside disappearing, and green grass and plants rising to take it’s place. 

“Fascinating,” Spock said, although his breathless tone indicated he wanted to say much more. 

Kirk lowered his arm when he was confident the power had been sufficiently unleashed. The clouds were gone and replaced with blue sky. For the first time in what felt like years, Kirk felt the comforting warmth of a yellow sun on his cheeks. 

“My God,” Kirk said, his voice cracked. Kirk’s eyes were already red from his earlier mourning, and now they filled again from awe and joy. “I can’t believe I did that.” 

Spock placed his free arm around Kirk’s waist. “I had no doubt.” 

“Of course you didn’t,” Kirk said with some sarcasm. However, the emotions projected through their touch showed the gratitude and devotion that lay behind the words. Kirk turned and completed the hug by placing his head on Spock’s shoulder. and wrapping his free arm around the Vulcan’s torso. 

The two were startled by the sound of rocks crumbling. They looked up to see the castle shaking and stones falling off the sides as if all plaster has vanished. 

“Oh shit,” Kirk uttered when he realized what was happening. Dragging Spock behind him, he ran to the flitter to hide behind it as the building started to give way. 

“I pretty much wrecked the integrity of the building when I added my…improvements to it.” Kirk was huffing once they finally got behind the craft.

Despite their frantic run, Spock appeared no worse for wear. “There is no need to apologize. It might be best that place no longer exists.” 

The ground shook once it became clear the building was coming down. An avalanche of rocks poured around the side of their barrier as dust filled the air. Within less than a minute, the barrage stopped, although the dust still spread through the square. 

Spock and Kirk could not enjoy their relief before there was a banging on the window from inside the flitter. “Hey!” shouted Reilly. “What the hell happened?” 

Kirk rubbed his face as the dust stung his eyes. “We’ll tell you once we get in there. Can you help us through the window? It’s a bit hard to breath out here, and I doubt we can get through your door.” 

Reilly opened the side window with a crank that extended it to almost a 90 degree angle. He then threw down a lightweight accent table - which looked more like a large block - for the men to step on. Reilly then helped the two climb up into the safety of the craft. 

“That was…something.” Reilly said once he closed the window with his artificial hand. “I thought you said you didn’t know how to get rid of the winter.” 

Once Kirk caught his breath, he said, “I couldn’t…or I thought I couldn’t.” 

Spock tensed at Kirk’s side. “Admiral, if you are suggesting Kirk intentionally waited this long to dismiss the winter…” 

“Hey now, I’m not suggesting that at all.” Reilly’s hands were up in surrender, which was appropriate since the look on Spock’s face was indicating he was ready for a fight. Though flattered, Kirk decided a more diplomatic tone should be taken with this man. He stepped in front of his friend and held up a hand of his own. 

“I know that, Admiral. It’s okay. I didn’t really know what I could do until now.” 

“Well, I’m glad you figured it out.” Reilly straightened himself. “Now that the winter is gone, I’d like to…” The man hesitated as moisture filled his eyes. “I’d like to get my son back to the base.” 

Kirk knew what that meant. Now that travel was no longer encumbered, it was time to face the music, so to speak.

Spock sensed Kirk’s apprehension and asked what the captain was afraid to. “What will happen to Jim when we return?” 

Reilly hesitated for a spell. “I’m…afraid nothing has changed, Mr. Spock. Even if we forget this sudden winter, Jim still attacked a diplomat…

“Who killed thousands of people.” Kirk said, his voice defiant. 

“Allegedly.” At the captain’s scowl, Reilly added, “Jim, if there is anyone who understands what you went through, it’s me…” 

“I’m afraid you have no idea, Admiral.” Spock said in a grave tone.

If Reilly understood the meaning of Spock’s tone, he chose to ignore it. “Be that as it may, they cannot allow one person to be judge, jury, and executioner, especially when he has abilities we still don’t understand.” 

Kirk knew what Reilly said was true. He knew from the moment he saw the snow melt. However, the inevitable future caused his sky-high mood to plummet. He looked to Spock, who’s eyes betrayed his own sorrow about being parted so soon after finding each other. Kirk pursed his lips as he fought the urge to cry. He instead rested his forehead in the crook of Spock’s neck while the Vulcan wrapped his strong arms around him. Spock placed a kiss on the side of the human’s head. 

“Admiral,” Spock said, his cheek resting against Jim’s ear. “Would you please give us time…to say goodbye?” 

The sigh that followed was tainted with grief and sorrow. “Of course,” was the compassionate reply. “I’ll give you an hour or two, but don’t leave this ship.” 

“We will not,” Spock assured him. 

The tinny voices from the communicator and the sound of the transporter were little more than background noise as Kirk and Spock stood together in each other’s arms. Both did not want to move. They did not want to speak. Finding each other had been what saved them, but now they would be cruelly seperated. 

“Why did you want to stay here?” Kirk asked half-heartedly. 

“Because,” Spock whispered. “They will not let me near you again, now that Reilly knows about us. Vulcans do not react well to being separated from their mates. Though in the case of ship assignments this will would in our favor, I will do whatever it takes to be near you if we are incarcerated.” 

“You really think Reilly will tell?” 

“He will be obligated to.” 

“After all we have done for him? After what he saw?” 

“Jim,” Spock lifted his head and guided Kirk’s chin so they were eye-to-eye. “I cannot predict what is in the future, but Admiral Reilly is right. Even if he does fight for us, Starfleet cannot forget what happened.” 

Kirk wanted to refute what his beloved said, but there was no use in denying the truth. 

“Here is what I do know. We only have a limited time together, and I do not want to spend it thinking on the loyalties of our friend.” 

“Neither do I.” Kirk let out a breath so his mind could be free of the fear. He then slowly captured Spock’s lips in a slow and emotional kiss.


End file.
